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Original poster

I don't want to be a carer

80 replies

Annonembarassed · 26/08/2024 18:27

Younger sibling has extreme physical and mental disabilities. Lives in supported living but with health deterioration this looks unlikely to be available long term.
Other option is care home.
Other sibling has said this won't happen and she will give up her job to care.
Implied I will be expected to help 50%.
I don't want to be a carer.
I think there are other options to explore.
She says I am selfish but she is making the decision regardless of my views.

OP posts:
Sicario · 26/08/2024 18:39

Don't do it.

Be very clear that you will not be involved in any future caring responsibilities for your younger sibling.

Your other sibling has no agency over your choices. They are free to choose to do whatever they want, but not to tell you what to do.

You might have to grow a thick skin if this goes down badly, but it's not your problem. Ignore any attempts at emotional blackmail.

lizzyBennet08 · 26/08/2024 18:39

Tell her that you won't. E changing her mind and if she wants to dedicate her life to caring for your sibling then fair play to her but you won't be getting involved
I wouldn't care what she calls me. .

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 26/08/2024 18:35

Don't do it. My sibling likely will need care. I've made it clear they are not living with me and my parents completely support me.

If she wants to do it that's her choice but she cannot make your decision for you

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 26/08/2024 18:33

She doesn’t get to dictate whether you will care for someone.

you simply say, no it doesn’t work for you, if you want the responsibility then that’s fine, but I’m not committing to that, so if you have them at your home then that’s your choice

StormingNorman · 26/08/2024 18:30

Not everybody is cut out to be a carer. You can’t feel bad about that. If your other sibling feels able to take on the caring role, they need to be clear from the outset what you can and cannot do to help. Eg. Can you sit with the other sibling for a few hours once or twice a week to give them some respite?

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