To feel guilty my children have nothing

Nothing is more important then you and your children being safe. Be proud of yourself!

Well done on getting away. That must have taken so much courage. Maybe as you have ptsd your children also may be benefitting from a quiet life at the moment as they also start to recover Some self help cbt could help you and them while you perhaps go on a gp waiting list for counselling. The MIND website has a lot of resources such as challenging unhelpful thinking which may have developed as your self esteem has probably been affected by domestic abuse. You can start to heal and hopefully by this time next year the summer holidays will have more opportunities for fun things

It’s a bit late for this summer holiday but in this area there are free activity camps that you can book if you are a family entitled to free school meals. Some are a day, some you can book a week. Some great ones like outdoor activities, kids yoga, dance. All funded but you need to apply for a space. Once you have a bit more headspace you might be able to find something like that to help keep kids busy when off school.

Your kids will just be happy that everyone is safe.
Have you tried online surveys, swagbucks or ipsos isay can help build up PayPal deposits (or other vouchers Amazon etc). Swagbucks doing surveys for example it works out about £5 a week for me so is a good way of saving for hols/Christmas

Please be proud of your self for having left and taking yourself and your children out of a toxic situation. I am sure your children being old enough understand and appreciate that.

Once your mental health improves look at getting a part time job. This will make you feel better and improve your children’s lives long term. Remember you’ve got this, now it is only upwards and onwards! All the best!

Op keep going. Your kids won't remember this one summer. They'll remember that you were always there for them. They are safe that's all that matters.

Just a few ideas for days out - museums are generally free and a good day out. Take a packed lunch. Get out for walks in on the woods, the beach etc. it will do you all good to get out in the fresh air and sunshine.

Get some advice from CAB and check you are claiming all you can.

Good luck X x

This, take care OP

In the 80s when I was at primary my parents were not hard of cash. However I was rarely taken anywhere in the summer holidays a few day trips but nothing like the extend that parents do now. Did it affect me in any way? Nope. Similarly my children even though I’m on a good wage I’m a widowed parent mine have hardly been anywhere. Are they bothered? Nope they just get on with it and we embrace what we can do. Step away from the pressures of modern society and stop trying to keep up with others.

@Iwishihad always better for children to have one happy parent rather than two unhappy angry parents. you will get through this blip!

It sounds so so hard but a million times better than being in an abusive home. And this is where you’re all at now, but things can change as you all start to recover. Long summer holidays feeling bored and with nowhere to go or money to spend is how I spent my entire childhood and it meant I basically lived at the library and read as many books as I could get my hands on. I was donated an instrument from a charity. Entered loads of competitions (it’s amazing how much you can get for free). Ended up going to university and getting a top degree and I put all that ambition firmly on the fact that my childhood drove me to achieve and work hard to secure a better life for myself.

I would also look at what you are going to do to get yourself in a position where you can get back to work asap: CBT is amazing for ptsd. Many areas offer cbt for free, so even if there’s a waiting list, get yourself on it and start taking control of your life so that you can be empowered to improve your circumstances. I know it’s hard but it is possible. Don’t just accept this is your lot. You have shown such strength to get to where you are already.

I really understand. I have ptsd plus medical problems which meant I was dismissed from work 10 years ago, I'm also a single parent.
I feel so guilty because 1. I can't afford to do days out etc but 2. I can't physically do it.
Somethings that help are:
I pay for the extra food costs by buying one extra item a week after Easter holidays eg a bag of pasta, tin of beans anything that will save,
Buy odd items of uniform as needed so not all at once,
I applied for disability benefits. Have you applied for esa, pip etc alongside your uc? This may help although not an easy process.
Have you tried social prescribing? My GP referred me, I was told I wasn't suitable as my situation was too complex but there seemed to be some support for mental health, more than physical health,
Are your dc classed as young carers? If so could you refer them to young carers (the support will depend on area). Ours was 8 weeks of weekly support then nothing but it did help my dc see that lots of children were in similar positions as us.
Also I can recommend emdr it hasn't been a curr but it has help substantially (the nhs waiting list was 4 years here so not quick unfortunately).
Most importantly look after yourself or you can't look after your dc.

Where are you OP?
And how old are your children?
I have plenty of girls clothes age 4 to 7 including school uniform that I'd be happy to send to you.

I hope you are getting the help you need to be able to get back into work as unfortunately that will be the quickest way out of the poverty you’re experiencing right now. In a couple of years your eldest will be able to get a job and buy his own clothes etc. I’m sure your boys would rather be in a safe home. I’d contact the school and ask on local Facebook pages for uniform etc. You can post anonymously on many of them.

I understand how difficult this time must be, but you are not a failure. You have got your children to a place of safety.
I would contact womens aid/ domestic violence organisations, and explain. They will have donated stuff. Also contact food bank- they may be able to point you in right direction. Plus it's good to make these contacts now, so you can access help at Christmas.

@Iwishihad you have done an amazing thing getting you all away from that abusive relationship.

Do you feel able to share roughly where you are? Other MNers may know of other sources of support to help you out, this time of year can be horribly expensive.

Also have a look at the government benefits page here to check that you’re not missing out on anything that you may be entitled to https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

And please do let the schools know about your situation, they can be very helpful in a number of ways.

autocorrect HAF scheme

You have dove great escaping a toxic relation and you should commend yourself for that. Your next priority needs to be getting therapy for the PRSD. EMDR has great success rates and you should have a talking therapies that you can self refer to locally. In your shoes ( I was in the same station 20 years ago) I would get myself down to a few local churches that run busy community hub type programs. They tend to offer really comprehensive signposting to all sorts of help. My local church does free/pay what you can community lunches twice a week , free kids meals in school holidays, budgeting help, tech help, repair cafes, and even family support run by volunteers. There is always help for those who seek it out.

OP have you talked to the GP to see if there is any help of support available for your PTSD? The fastest way to improve your situation would be if your health could improve enough for you to work. Even 16hrs a week would make a difference. Is there any support you can access?

I would also recommend the HAD scheme for now and other half terms.

Could you have an open house with your children able to invite friends around? My children love that as much as anything. If you have the money provide cheap snacks.

Are you sure they wouldn't have liked a picnic in the park?

Sending you support - your children don't have nothing, they have one of life's most important treasures - a mother who loves them and is doing her best. I second advice to consider approaching your local food bank. They very often have advisors who can signpost you to other sources of help and support - benefit checks, school uniform banks, help with debt/budgeting etc. Also worth keeping an eye out on local media pages for offers of free stuff. I wish you strength in your recovery from all that you've been through, and hope for better days ahead. X

Do you have any HAF schemes in your area, check if you are entitled to them. Can send your younger ones and they'll get a hot meal.

Does the school do a secondhand sale or know somewhere that does? Our village hall sells secondhand uniform for our village school for a donation.

I would possibly email school and explain the situation in regards to coats and shoes they might be able to refer you somewhere.

Good luck sounds like you've had a really tough time getting back on your feet.

Op said she cannot work due to ptsd.

I feel for you OP but your children are safe and as hard as it is, you learn to look at life differently once you've left an abusive relationship.

You've already done the best possible thing for them by leaving an abusive relationship- that in itself is a massive accomplishment and one to be proud of. If you only came out of the abusive relationship last year that's still very recent, these things take time to come to terms with and move on from, don't beat yourself up for not being able to work or needing help in the mean time.
I grew up with very little money, we didn't go on days out or anything during school holidays, we only ever went to the seaside in the uk for one week a year with my grandparents. Despite me being very jealous of some of my friends going abroad, I loved my childhood and wouldn't change it for the world. We didn't have much money but we were happy and healthy which I know is cliche but really is the most important thing in a childhood.
I totally understand the feelings you have and you are absolutely not being unreasonable to feel those things but you sound like an incredible mum who is doing her best for her children. There is plenty of time for holidays and fancy trainers, your children just need a happy and healthy mum first and foremost. I'd definitely check the online benefit calculators to make sure you're receiving everything you're entitled to. With you having PTSD is it possible that you could be entitled to pip? Have a look at the criteria and see if you think you meet it. It may take some time but if awarded it it does get backdated so it's worth putting a claim if you feel you are entitled to it

Im sure there are ways to get good condition used school shoes for your boys. Have you contacted the school as they often will have spare or donate uniform. Does your area have an ‘I need a whisk’ group? You could post on it asking if anyone is getting rid of any old school uniform or black shoes in size X? There may be charities that can help or you might get MNetters offering so send you second hand gear. I only have very young children or I would offer you anything they have grown out of.