AIBU to be suspicious?

No need to thank me, im sure you would have worked it out yourself, eventually, maybe?! 😁

@OverthinkingRogue Thankyouuuuu😘😘

AIBU - Am I Being Unreasonable.

You're welcome 😊

Sorry to hear this I don't agree I would be pulling my hair out lol that DH is actually agreeing to go lol xx

Please can someone tell me what AIBU means tho thanks always wondered lol

@AIBU2bjealous, I agree that his ‘if something were to happen it would have happened by now’ was ambiguous and not at all reassuring. It sounds like an acknowledgement that an attraction/emotional connection exists but was never acted upon.

Cut to the present: There’s been a transgression. Something illicit was said or actually happened on their night out. He likely told himself it was the alcohol, hence his comment about quitting, but of course that is no excuse. To your knowledge, they took a long break from meeting up, and he wasn’t mentioning her either. You probably don’t know if they were messaging. Then, for the first time ever, she started gazing at him ‘longingly’ and was fawning at a gathering with the families. Something precipitated that. He would have noticed her mooning, so his being open to her invitation for evening private time speaks volumes.

Your H is playing with fire, @AIBU2bjealous. Everything taken together indicates that a boundary has been crossed. A spark has clearly been ignited or reignited in her, and it may be reciprocated. You deserve answers, so I would investigate their messages on his phone, and would then question him about all of the above.

My H would absolutely not be going to her house or anywhere else alone with her. If your H refuses to come clean, and dismisses your feelings and boundary, you will know with crystal clarity that she is his priority.

P.S. Since both of your threads about this are active, you may want to delete one of them so we can all focus on one.

He's probably being open about it because he knows she will make a move and wants to absolve himself by thinking 'I was being honest and open, not my fault.' If he were really being honest that is obviously entirely inappropriate.

It's called hiding in plain sight.
Don't let it happen, if it happens, monitor his behaviour after.
This is not good- why are you not invited?

It wasn't, I just read it

@AIBU2bjealous, I agree with @Onthefinalstretch. Your very valid concerns need to be addressed with your H, but don’t sabotage yourself by using the term jealousy.

Something clearly happened when they last met up 1:1. The behaviour of both has changed. He returned home that night saying he was going to stop drinking. Several months passed without their seeing each other, which was unusual, and when you asked how she was doing he was evasive. When you finally did meet up as families, she was overtly mooning and fawning over him, which she had never done before. Now they are planning to have alone time at her home.

You previously stated that you don’t want to know if anything occurred that night. @AIBU2bjealous, you would be very foolish to ostrich this. There is evidence that your marriage is under threat, so you do need to address your (reasonable) unsettled feelings regarding the changes: his remarks after the pub, the months long distance between them and his brushing you off when you inquired, and her new blatantly effusive and fawning behaviour.

After expressing my discomfort, I would request that he cancel the cozy evening meet-up at her home and to distance from her in the future.

i'd phone her and ask why have i not been invited just to put her on the spot but i'm not a cool wife so i'll probably get flamed for that
and as for your husband he knows she fancies him and he 's enjoying the attention

Whether he's cheating or not he's being unfair and you could find better.

is this some sort of religious thing, where you can’t be alone with married male friends without the wife present?

thats a horrible way to run a relationship and I can’t see any relationship being happy when it’s run like this. I’d hate it if my husband said I’m unhappy about you seeing your mate and I was supposed to respect that and stay home.

fuck that

Personally I’ve no issue with this, I don’t differentiate between male and female friends. I trust my husband and know full well if he or any other man is going to cheat, than trying to ban him from going out or seeing women or having stringent rules isn’t going to stop him. Likely the opposite,

I do find it sad so many women think their husbands will cheat on them given the opportunity so would object to this scenario, like if it would stop cheating or something ridiculous, and quite frankly who the hell cheats with their kids in the house.

you do need to address your jealousy issues, is it just this woman or do you get jealous of other women routinely?jealosy often indicates something you’re unhappy with in your own life.

If your unhappy about it he should respect that and not go. You either come first or you don't- which will he choose?

@AIBU2bjealous doll,your talking yourself in and right back out of wht ifs. THATS the problem. if it wasnt happening,you wouldnt be. Yes male\female can be non sexul encounter friends. NEVER at the expense of your peace of mind tho.You arent being extreme hes pushing your boundaries(she doesnt matter at all in that scenario).

It's VERY suspect OP and I don't like the sound of it at all! We don't know your husband but in your shoes, I would be inclined to let him know I did not like it and would appreciate him not going and distancing himself from her. If he hasn't any bad intentions, he'd surely understand why and respect your wishes? He should be prioritising your feelings over hers anyway. I had a married man friend and it never even occurred to me to invite him to mine anywhere we'd be alone WITHOUT his wife! Could you say I'll go to hers with you and see how he and she respond?

Just because he's being open about it, doesn't mean it's innocent. Trust your gut OP, it's telling you something is going on here. How would your DH feel if you told him you were going for dinner at a male friend's house while his wife's away? And he was not invited?

I’ve got loads of male friends and think nothing of meeting up with them. I generally find the whole “A man and a woman who are good friends must be having an affair / hoping to have an affair” thing really tedious. But even I don’t think any of my male friends would invite me over with “So, my wife’s away, and the kids will be in bed, so why don’t you come over for dinner? Don’t bring your boyfriend.” And I wouldn’t do the same to them.

Edited to add: I do think it’s possible that your DH is just incredibly naive about his friend’s designs on him, though. I know loads of men who are utterly clueless about that sort of thing.

sod that for a game of soldiers.
seriously .
how he feel if one of your maarried mates (male)comes to keep you company while hes out then
thats far too stupid/game playerish but seriously them being very upfront and you dont need that shite. tell him, no,thts inappropriate-if he goes-stay gone

No, this wouldn't happen in my marriage or in anyone else's that I know and we are all "normal", well adjusted people. On what planet does a married man go for a cosy dinner for 2 at another woman's house and think his wife will send him on his way with a Pollyana smile? Personally I'd tell him to stay there because he obviously wants to get inside her knickers and he also feels her invitation trumps your discomfort.

The bottom line is you're unhappy and you feel it crosses a line, so it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

You can speak to him any time you want, you don't have to wait until your children are in bed.

It absolutely crosses a line and I'd put my foot down before it's too late.

Absolutely wouldn’t happen on my watch. Whilst it’s obviously fine to have friends of the opposite sex, this is pushing the boundaries far too much. I would feel really uncomfortable sitting on my own on an evening whilst dh visits a female friend, alone, instructed to go after the dcs are in bed. He’s playing this out brazenly in plain sight.