DH constantly snapping, telling me to STFU on holiday

You need a job op, might balance things out a bit more

I just remembered that I recently asked DH what I should get my sister and her husband. It did not prompt this reaction.

Why can't you clean whist the kids are in school . How big is your house .
Maybe he just is resentful you don't work . And he does .
And to be fair talking about house stuff whist on holiday would just bring all the stresses of home on holiday

Granted he shouldn't speak to you in a horrible way . He could just say can we talk about it when at home .
Have you asked him if he would like you to now work and chip in? Or why he speaks to you in that way

Ltb OP. Give the guy a break.

"Who do you think gets the kids ready and picks them up from school."

Must be exhausting for you 🤣

Who wants to talk about DIY on holiday? I'd be dying of boredom too with the "what shall I get for my sister?" chats. Vouchers? Who cares?

Oh dear OP. It's not good that your DH told you to STFU but it's really not good that you can't see how he might have got to this point.

It's time to look at your marriage and reset the division of responsibilities. When the DCs are in bed, have a proper conversation. Ask him why he's rolling his eyes and snapping at you. Find out what's really going on. Point out that it's not ok to tell you to STFU, and that you want to know what's causing him to be so angry/fed up all the time.

I hope you can work it out. It looks dangerously like he's already checking out of your marriage.

@GreenMoose why did you tell us about the 12 hours a week cleaner? What has that got to do with your husband telling you to STFU?

He should not be talking to you in that way and I hope you’re children don’t hear that, but you should have the common sense to give him a break on holiday. The sister gift is ridiculous, can’t you just deal with it yourself? Why should he care?

Excusing his abuse is the misogyny.

I already said that he can discuss it like a grown up, but instead he shouts and curses and has apparently an army of handmaidens here willing to defend him.

He sounds exhausted. His first holiday, your third and you want to plan DIY for him to do...
I went 8 months this year with no time off and I was too exhausted to think or plan anything - any additional demands on me I also felt quite desperate about. Maybe he's feeling something along those lines.

Your just saying people have an issue with sahm Moms because it's easier. In fact it seems most people have an issue with lazy arse people. She openly says she has the benefit of a cleaner 12 hours a week, which she could easily do herself at 2 or 3 hours a day if she organised herself properly.

So far she said she gets the children ready for school, takes them to school. Collects them then I'm assuming cooks dinner.

She has been away to weddings with family days out sightseeing with family and generally seems to have a pretty nice life doing not very much at all.

Maybe she will be more appreciative once her husband drops dead of stress related heart attack?

A sahm parent should be doing worm related house tasks. Not whining their husband doesn't do their fair share then get bitter when he apparently outsourced their share.

I was a sahm parent for 3 years and it never crossed my mind to expect my husband to do housework and washing and cleaning because I was able to get it done during his working hours during the day.

The OP sounds a right lazy toad. You see it repeatedly on here sahm being told to get a cleaner if their husband doesn't pull their weight so it appears this is what the OPs husband has done.

Of course you should have sole responsibility for the mundane aspects of your family life. That’s your responsibility and the deal if you stay at home, don’t work, pay a cleaner for 12 hours a week whilst he works hard to financially pay for your family and lifestyle.

The fact that you require a cleaner for these hours, don’t classify your previous two holidays as holidays and refer to getting your children up and to and from school as though that’s something arduous actually speaks volumes.

Why should he be involved and interested in your sister's birthday present? Also discussing decorating on his actual first holiday is a but bizarre.

Of course he shouldn’t swear at you, but resentment and frustration is certainly coming through strongly here. I think you need to have a long hard look at what you’re bringing to this partnership as you may well find yourself on dodgy ground in the future if he checks out of this relationship.

Most people in your shoes undertake all the family life admin and childcare as that’s the role.

It would be very interesting to hear his views. What are you actually expecting of him in addition to financing this whole family package?

@GreenMoose is this a joke?

You're getting a very hard time here from women who look down their noses at SAHMs.

Your problem here isn't being a SAHM.

Your problem is a husband who has given himself permission to speak to you as if you and your concerns don't matter to him.

Next time he decides to speak to you with contempt, or rolls his eyes at you, stop him immediately and ask him if he routinely speaks to his colleagues so rudely and disrespectfully, or if he does much eyerolling at the office.

If he's going to drag work into this, then you shouldn't hesitate to slap that BS right back at him.

He wants to have no part in the work or the mental load that goes into running a house and taking care of children on a daily basis. Clearly he feels his financial contribution means he can avoid all of that.

However, his financial contribution doesn't mean he can treat you badly. It's a mistake many men make, to be sure, but that's no excuse. It needs to be rooted out.

OP, is this you?

He is probably in debt .

I don't think any of us can tell you why your DH is so ratty, OP. Have a talk with him about it and ask him point blank "Do you want me to go back to work or cut down the cleaner?" Fairly sure he will say yes to one of these at least. But have a proper discussion instead of him sniping at you.

You know, I think it would actually be easier if the OP was indeed, erm 'wittering' on. Then her husband wouldn't need to do anything but make the appropriate noises.

However, she's asking him seemingly trivial questions. That he doesn't have an answer to. I can see how that gets wearing.

I don't know whether women really talk about 'inconsequential' things or whether it's because they carry most of the mental load. Numerous studies have shown that women don't actually talk more than men despite the stereotype.

Saved me the effort of posting this!

P.S. that’s how we did it when DH was working away a lot.

It sounds like he's stressed and has the full burden of paying for everything. A huge amount of the housework is done by someone else (that he pays for) and you've had trips away.

Let the man rest - why are you asking about presents etc - doesn't he have enough of the mental load??

Sounds like he's feeling under appreciated.

Anyway, decorate now as you see fit.

How about getting a surprise mural of you both like Mitch and Cam in Modern Family?

She is lazy. Pointing out she is the female equivalent of a cock lodger isn't mysoginistic.

She said she was letting her husband get away with doing no housework so he pays someone to come to the house to deep clean and do their washing and ironing once a week.

She is most aggrieved because she has to do the school run. And get 3 kids ready for school. And apparently does not much inbetween drop off and collection.

Have you become a bore?

He should not talk to you like that. I would not tolerate it.