DH constantly snapping, telling me to STFU on holiday

Poor bloke has the sole financial responsibility for five people, has paid out for three holidays, only one that he gets to go on, and you choose it to talk about redecorating? You need to seriously up your game OP.

Who the hell thinks @GreenMoose is being unreasonable?

@GreenMoose your husband is a horrible person and if you don't want to leave for you then leave for your kids. They are learning this is what men can do to women and what women have to put up with. Years of this for goodness sake, why?

He should not have said STFU. That's horrible and disrespectful.
However I can understand why he's feeling ground down- you're a SAHM, you have a cleaner coming in 12 hours a week and you've been off on 3 holidays all while he works to keep everyone. Tbf I can understand wanting a bit of peace and quiet but this was the wrong way to go about it.
When I lived in a Victorian 3 storey I had a cleaner come in 2 hours a week while i worked full time. 12 hours would have felt way excessive to be honest.
I know you say the holidays are family events but they were still holidays, you looking after your own children don't make them less of a holiday.
With the birthday present, I really don't care what DH gets his brothers and nor does he care what I get mine.
As others have said maybe its time to consider moving back into work as this doesn't seem to be working very well for you.

I think he’s hit the nail on the head here.
If you’re a Sahp with kids in school and all that cleaning help then yes, the day to day household responsibilities are very much your work and you should be seeing like that .

You’re starting to come on a little bit entitled here Op and not grateful and don’t seem to show any appreciation for the lifestyle your Dh provides.

His work is his responsibility and your work is both your problem.
I can see why he’s getting fed up with you .

With what money would she be out of the door with? She doesn't work.

My late OH would only have had to say that to me once and I would have been out of the door.

What do you mean “I wasn’t prepared to let him get away doing nothing”? But he doesn’t do nothing - he is the sole breadwinner so he pays for most, it not everything. If your kids are in school during the day and you have a cleaner 12 hours a week, why on earth should he then be returning from work to discuss birthday presents for your family?! And yes, holidays with kids are still holidays even when you have to look after them 24/7 because they are, after all, your children. It’s what most people do unless they travel with help.

"I don't know where I stand".

I think you do. At least, you do now.

"I was looking after the children etc."

This is what parents do on holiday isn't it?

Part time cleaner for 12 hours a week? Do people other than royalty have full time cleaners?
Surely any holiday is a holiday regardless of who you go away with. You sound like you have a cushy lifestyle and he sounds like he’s fed up with your moaning tbh .

I agree that he just doesn’t like you. If it was about the cleaner he could just say “Hey DW, I’ve been feeling weird about the cleaner, can we discuss it”.

he is full of contempt.

Because it's not just on him to work? I'd tell her to Stfu up too if decorating was being discussed on my only holiday...she needs to get a proper job.

Could you both do better, OP?

Could he verbalise his feelings in a better way and could you be a little less boring in conversational topics?

Sorry but I'd be hugely resentful if I was the sole earner AND had to pay a cleaner as well as pay for my wife and dc. Not a chance would this happen in my house........unless there's a massive dripfeed you're holding back on then my advice would be to get some self respect, either get off your arse and get a job, get rid of or reduce the ridiculous number of hours you have that cleaner for. Your kids are out of the house most of the day. You do not need a cleaner. You might find he likes you a little more if you're actually contributing something.

Absolute pisstake. If a man posted this there would be screams of cocklodger, get your ducks in a row and get rid !!

You don’t want him to get away with anything g so you got a cleaner for 12 hours a week but your kids are in school. Seriously?? Go earn some money and contribute.

What do you do all day?

If they have enough money and her husband is happy with his job then why should she?! If he isn't happy then he needs to express that, not tell her TO STFU

This

The comment is unreasonable. The reason for suggested contempt is not.

Well simply put he doesn’t really like or respect you anymore OP. He’s working & paying for you all and you’re not upholding your side of the deal. So you either make sure his free time is sacred or get a job yourself so that he can’t complain. Or leave but that’s extreme.
It sounds like home & children became your whole life and your DH is craving for some other type of conversations. Maybe get a hobby?

I'd be a bit ratty on my only holiday when my partner who was a sahm to primary dc at school with 12 hours ( 2 full days worth) cleaner paid for by me started nattering on about decorating. He shouldn't have spoken to you like that but maybe he feels it's in your job description to sort it out so he can relax on hos one and only holiday?

Well, he insisted on the cleaner because despite being a SAHM (for 9 years), she wanted him to do more cleaning. I struggle to see what she does all day with the children in school all day given she has no paid employment and gets 12 hours of paid cleaning, washing and ironing help every week. She seems to have a lot of holidays too - yes the ones with family do count - so this is her third holiday this year and it's only August. She has been married for 10 years and been a SAHM for 9 years so hasn't earned since year one of the marriage. This is seemingly her husband's only holiday so far and he's the one paying for everything. I mean it's obviously not all right what he said but I think the poor man was just trying to relax and OP was wittering on about her sister's present.

Now I know it's not a race to the bottom about how lucky OP is but I think it would take a saint to not feel resentful about being the sole provider in this set up. How is the husband's job or business going - are their young hot-shots snapping at his heels, has he been passed over for a promotion, or is his job or business on the line? There comes a time in many people's professional lives where they want to take it a bit easier, maybe work shorter hours and so on and it is difficult to do this on one salary. I wonder if she has talked to her husband about how he sees his future career going.

He might he fed up, like posters are saying. But the answer to that isn't to tell her to STFU. The answer is to use his Big Boy Words and discuss what happens now the children are all at school. He sounds miserable, but it won't get better with fewer words.

If the Op suddenly goes to work, is dh going to step up re childcare / school runs / after school activities

or are people assuming the Op will only work between 9.15-2.45 - need to allow time to get to this job

He's fed up and resentful and I would be too. He's financially supporting you and you appear to do little and you want to spend more by decorating. At best of course he's not interesting in decor. He's also not interested in what you buy your sister. Well yes, she's not his sister.

You need to go back to work because at this rate he'll leave and then what?