DH constantly snapping, telling me to STFU on holiday

Lol at people telling OP to LTB.

Almost a decade at home not working, 3 primary school aged DC. Currently has 3 holidays a year - sorry 1 holiday because the other 2 do not count - and a cleaner doing almost 50 hours a month of cleaning, ironing etc.

And you think OP is going to give that up because her husband swore at her.

I do think she should get a job and organise childcare (that they both pay for) to facilitate going back to work but realistically OP doesn’t seem to have any intention of re-entering the workforce.

Are they all in the same school given that they're all primary? So one pick up and drop off. Done by say 915, pick up about 3?
So what do you do?

I agree that he’s lost respect for you and you need to sit down and talk about this. Unlike some posters, I think it’s fine that you have plenty of household help, you can afford it so why not.

But, I suspect that your husband does want you to take up more of the load so you need to talk about it. Perhaps you could find something p-t to start easing back into work.

I’m now thinking this is just goady and/or bullshit. But I’ll bite. What are you doing between those things?

MN at its finest 🤣

This probably.
He’s also probably very stressed, tired and resentful. I would be the same.

He sounds like he doesn't like you and no excuse for talking to you in that way but do you think it's maybe born of resentment as you must essentially do very little for large periods of times? The school run doesn't exactly take up hours of someone's day, so once you're home at say half 9 then you've got five hours or so free till you have to get ready to go again, and if you're not doing any cleaning and household stuff then you've essentially just got the bulk of the day to yourself. I can understand why he might find that irritating.

While I do think household tasks should be shared, if one person is home doing nothing for five hours a day five days a week and the other person is working five days a week to enable that to happen financially then it's pretty clear who should really be doing the bulk of the home stuff, regardless of gender.

Everyone is jumping on the op's lifestyle, but TBF, that's up to them if they were both happy.

Op, you aren't answering what you do do all day. Are you interesting and fun, with lots of hobbies and chat?
Or are you doing nothing but talk about boring household topics?

It really would be a good idea to ensure you are financially and emotionally, as secure as possible, in case the marriage does end.

I would divorce you OP.

He’s telling you what the problem is and he’s right. You need to do your fair share. Ok so you hate cleaning and have cleaners (so do I) but you need to do everything else and hassle him with the minutiae.

I am 50 years old and lived one thing has happened to all of my friends of similar ages - the ones who did not have jobs when the kids were all at school and remained as SAHMs are now all divorced. All of them at the DH's instigation.

I have always wondered whether it was that they became too boring at the DH's found an OW in the workplace who was more interesting. But I think it's resentment! Why? Why should one person carry the financial burden of a household?

These women are now all struggling big time in jobs they hate as they have no recent skills.

Go back to work when your kids are at school! Everyone one should do it whether you are a SAHM or a SAHD.

He's probably annoyed that he's the one working while you do the minimum around the house and go on lot's of holidays.

Probably is one. And people here still blame the man 🤣

This almost sounds like a troll. No self awareness at all. I'd lose all respect for someone who lived a lifestyle like this while I worked my arse off.

*Who do you think gets the kids ready and picks them up from school.

The 12 hours includes cleaning, washing and ironimg the clothes, cooking sometimes as well*

I think you've over egged your story situation now! 😁

So …other than take the kids to school and back (which plenty of people manage to do and work) what exactly do you do ?

You don’t clean, do laundry or most of the cooking ?

You sound very entitled. You want him to do 12 hours of housework - on top of supporting a family of 5 on his sole wage?

He shouldn't be snapping at you, he should be sharing his resentment with you. But as you can't even see why your division of labour isn't fair, maybe he has, and you haven't listened? OPs always post the side of the story that makes them look good.

Unless your going to suddenly drip feed SEN, doing pickups and drop-offs don't justify staying home all day.

You should be able to get everything done in between school hours, you shouldn't need a clesner... For 12 hours at that.... Do you have crazy cleaning standards? Or are you just bad at housework, which is your 'job'?

Of course your husband should share some of the load but it should be spending time with the kids! Not cleaning and ironing .

This is quite a short amount of time in a full day to be fair, and something most parents do in addition to all the household tasks and a part time or full time job. And that’s absolutely none of our business, whatever works for your family is fine! Realistically though, if that is something that’s bothering your husband he should tell you that directly rather than being rude and snapping at you.

What are you doing in between dropping them off and picking them up? Either get a job or clean the house yourself. 12 hours a week is ridiculous - around here that's £15 per hour, £180 a week!!

Give your head a wobble. I'd be pissed off with you too.

By the way I think you should leave him, I don’t think you should put up with that way of talking to you. I think he has lost all respect for you and you fail to appreciate what he brings to the marriage as well.

Sorry but come on. You barely have enough housework and child responsibility to fill a full time working week. Do you bother him with stuff that should be your responsibility as the SAHM? He does sound like a dick in the way he talks to you but I would get pissed off fast if I worked full time to enable my partner to stay home and paid for 12 hours of cleaning and housework on top and they kept asking me to get involved in home stuff that they could deal with without me. Surely it's a division of labour thing?

What about the 6 or so hours a day they are at school? What do you actually do if you don't clean, wash or iron? Or even cook sometimes...

Also, are you really a sahm if all the kids are out of the house and in school. I believe that's a housewife.

If this was me but with the roles reversed, I'd be pretty pissed off that I work full time with a sahm who despite this needs 12 hours per week of outsourced cleaning/household chores, has been on holiday 3 times - yes they are holidays even if you're looking after your children - and then bangs on about your sister's birthday present and bloody redecorating during his one holiday of the year!
I know it's unpopular but back in the real world, I'd have told you to stfu too if you kept going on about it!

Yea but a lot of us do that AND hold down a full time job. To be honest you are sounding like you are pretty entitled and unappreciative.

Imo he thinks you're lazy, entitled, and boring.