Page 5 | Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

Daniagainagainagainagain · 2024-08-26T11:36:42+00:00

Apologies for the grabby title. I've NC'd for this as I have a few running threads currently with very outing and personal details on. Anyway back to the point. I see SO many threads on here where the topic about the thread is about a guy. It's not even necessarily bad about the bloke in question, but so many many posters just seem to hate men. Not give them the benefit of the doubt. Tear them a new arsehole for merely posting on MN asking for advice. There was a thread recently about a woman seeing a really nice guy, a gentlemen as she described him where he had been separated for literally YEARS but wasn't divorced. Turns out there were cultural differences meaning divorce in that country is very rare. People kept saying 'throw him back in the sea' 'he's a liar' one poster called him a wanker.. there was no evidence that he was a wanker and the OP seemed happy with the guy. Just more people clutching for their moment to berate men. It's always the guys fault on here no matter what. It's always the same posters more often than not berating men, shooting them down, and just hating them. I wonder, do these women posters have sons? If so, do you think your sons are exempt from such awful insults because 'my boy would never'? I can't imagine these posters talking about their sons like that. So do you pick and choose, is it one rule for your sons and one for all other men? Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement. I am not naive to think some of these guys deserve what they get. AIBU? To think there's huge double standards? To call strangers with no reason to, wankers, but to also think the son shines out of your son's arses? I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers but I'd genuinely like to know. And yes I have DC.

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 16:31

Perhaps you didn't see the comments made to me about my intelligence and being called pathetic.
The thread blew up pretty quickly, I'm not saying I'm innocent. But If my comments deserved a huge pile on, then why didn't the poster who made the disgusting comments about my cancer get anything?

It's double standards.
And as I mentioned before, the OP of a thread is much more in the firing line of any insults on any thread.

OP posts:

5128gap · 27/08/2024 16:29

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 16:16

I see what you're saying, but before I said anything crude myself or 'nasty' I was called pathetic, uneducated, lacking intelligence.. the list goes on.

I was called those things for merely starting a thread and expressing my opinions.. so I'm going to defend myself.

It really looks like on here that people can say whatever they like to the OP (happens time and time and time again) and no, I won't post any examples before someone asks me to. But as soon as a OP bites back, they are the nasty person. They are horrible.

Nothing that I said deserved for me to have my cancer and my DV relationship used to belittle me and make me feel like shit. Especially someone with faux concern of my child, insinuating I'm a shit parent neglecting my child. When no one knows me. No one knows about anything like that in life.

But one thing I won't do is be spoken to like shit without firing it back. Perhaps it's good to be the 'bigger' person. But my 'bigness' is not measured by quirky observing insulting behaviour and keeping reluctant to defend myself.

I'm not condoning what I said. But I'm not having me take the blame for some of the disgusting things that have been said to me on this thread. It's nothing they'd say IRL or to anyone's face. If they did say to a cancer patient that they're lying, then their face wouldn't look the same as it once did.

I don't want anyone to pity me, or feel sorry for me. I'm good here fighting my own corner in my life and getting on with things. But it would be nice for people to back off out of touchy subjects, rather than use them to beat somebody down.

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I'm not asking you to justify yourself to me. You asked a question, and as someone who's been watching this thread descend into a hot mess, am merely offering my opinion as to the answer. If you want people to accept you as who you say you are you will find it difficult if you continue to use the language and tone of the worst sort of man. Do with that as you choose.

Americano75 · 27/08/2024 16:21

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 16:17

Please see my post I've just typed.

My insults were thrown after I was called a number or things. But that obviously doesn't get seen. It's always the OP that's in the wrong, and only the OP.

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No, that's simply not true. You were dishing out some choice words from very early on in the thread. I think things may have started to go very sour after your comment about knowing any women who have been murdered, but I accept that this opinion is subjective.

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 16:17

Americano75 · 27/08/2024 16:08

I'm truly sorry for all your health worries, and those of your little girl but respectfully, I think you need to reflect on some of your earlier posts (especially the deleted ones) and reflect on why people have responded in kind. Calling people who disagree with you bints, telling them to shut the fuck up and using all manner of crude sexual insults was only ever going to go one way.

Please see my post I've just typed.

My insults were thrown after I was called a number or things. But that obviously doesn't get seen. It's always the OP that's in the wrong, and only the OP.

OP posts:

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 16:16

5128gap · 27/08/2024 15:59

Its because you attempted to belittle posters who disagreed with you with vulgar misogynist language and insults, and in doing so lost their respect for you. Prior to that, people may not have had respect for your opinions, but would have largely afforded you the courtesy of keeping it objective.
Once you start with the nastiness, insults and the particular form of crudity you chose, then people struggle to see you as a woman going through a tough time and see you as a bit unsavoury. Like those low life men who use women's bodily functions to insult them. Fewer people will challenge those who upset you, because fewer believe you're who you say you are.
I'm not saying thats true, I'm saying that when all people have to go on is your language and tone then that's the outcome.

I see what you're saying, but before I said anything crude myself or 'nasty' I was called pathetic, uneducated, lacking intelligence.. the list goes on.

I was called those things for merely starting a thread and expressing my opinions.. so I'm going to defend myself.

It really looks like on here that people can say whatever they like to the OP (happens time and time and time again) and no, I won't post any examples before someone asks me to. But as soon as a OP bites back, they are the nasty person. They are horrible.

Nothing that I said deserved for me to have my cancer and my DV relationship used to belittle me and make me feel like shit. Especially someone with faux concern of my child, insinuating I'm a shit parent neglecting my child. When no one knows me. No one knows about anything like that in life.

But one thing I won't do is be spoken to like shit without firing it back. Perhaps it's good to be the 'bigger' person. But my 'bigness' is not measured by quirky observing insulting behaviour and keeping reluctant to defend myself.

I'm not condoning what I said. But I'm not having me take the blame for some of the disgusting things that have been said to me on this thread. It's nothing they'd say IRL or to anyone's face. If they did say to a cancer patient that they're lying, then their face wouldn't look the same as it once did.

I don't want anyone to pity me, or feel sorry for me. I'm good here fighting my own corner in my life and getting on with things. But it would be nice for people to back off out of touchy subjects, rather than use them to beat somebody down.

OP posts:

Americano75 · 27/08/2024 16:08

I'm truly sorry for all your health worries, and those of your little girl but respectfully, I think you need to reflect on some of your earlier posts (especially the deleted ones) and reflect on why people have responded in kind. Calling people who disagree with you bints, telling them to shut the fuck up and using all manner of crude sexual insults was only ever going to go one way.

5128gap · 27/08/2024 15:59

Its because you attempted to belittle posters who disagreed with you with vulgar misogynist language and insults, and in doing so lost their respect for you. Prior to that, people may not have had respect for your opinions, but would have largely afforded you the courtesy of keeping it objective.
Once you start with the nastiness, insults and the particular form of crudity you chose, then people struggle to see you as a woman going through a tough time and see you as a bit unsavoury. Like those low life men who use women's bodily functions to insult them. Fewer people will challenge those who upset you, because fewer believe you're who you say you are.
I'm not saying thats true, I'm saying that when all people have to go on is your language and tone then that's the outcome.

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 14:34

@Starlingexpress

I have been accused of doing things I haven't done. Some posters have said some vile things to me, for example telling me I'm trolling about my cancer and DV threads, and for my sick child.

Why doesn't their behaviour get called out? Why do I have to remain silent and step away from a thread? These are real life experiences I am going through, it's soul destroyingly tough. I'm going to defend myself. Perhaps from the outside looking in I should step away. But I'm not doing that without defending myself. And hopefully proving these posters wrong that I am not posting from separate accounts.

Why aren't the posters accusing me of such horrible things being asked to come away from the thread, that's what I'm wondering.

OP posts:

Starlingexpress · 27/08/2024 14:28

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 14:20

What? I started the thread because it's a topic and I'm interested in the responses. The thread has just got back on track with responses relevant to the topic. If you think I'm not adding anything then simply don't look at the thread.

But I am still going to post and reply and read the replies on here as it's a topic I'm interested in as mentioned.

I'm free to do as I please and post as I please.

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I stand by my advice. Your responses have been hostile at times throughout the thread and the more recent posts are painful to read. This has not been a good thread for you and sometimes it takes more courage to step away rather keep digging.

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 14:20

Starlingexpress · 27/08/2024 14:12

OP you’re adding nothing to this thread and I doubt very much that you’re getting anything constructive from it. It’s quite painful to watch so perhaps an idea is to actually hide the thread?

What? I started the thread because it's a topic and I'm interested in the responses. The thread has just got back on track with responses relevant to the topic. If you think I'm not adding anything then simply don't look at the thread.

But I am still going to post and reply and read the replies on here as it's a topic I'm interested in as mentioned.

I'm free to do as I please and post as I please.

OP posts:

Starlingexpress · 27/08/2024 14:12

OP you’re adding nothing to this thread and I doubt very much that you’re getting anything constructive from it. It’s quite painful to watch so perhaps an idea is to actually hide the thread?

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 14:08

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 27/08/2024 14:00

I've got no idea how other people think about their children, sons specifically, but I can hand on heart tell you that anything I post here that might seem acidic towards men I would still say to both my husband and my all-male children.

I do think there is sometimes a double standard - I was recently berated by someone when I posted an obvious ironic comment that the "hive-mind" has a very different response to identical posts when the sexes are switched. Apparently what I posted made no sense whatsoever, which it wouldn't if you're being completely disingenuous.

Having said that, I don't actually care that much. Men are rarely challenged on their behaviour or language surrounding the women in their lives, so if they come to MUMSnet expecting a squishy hug then they're going to be disappointed. They can go to Dadsnet or Andrew Tate's site or wherever they go to be coddled if they don't like it here.

That's a good point.
I do wonder how women are portrayed over on dad's net!

I think the imbalance is probably much higher here as you and many posters have said it's heavily a female platform and I haven't found the imbalance IRL too much, much more on here. But useful insight thank you!

OP posts:

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 27/08/2024 14:00

I've got no idea how other people think about their children, sons specifically, but I can hand on heart tell you that anything I post here that might seem acidic towards men I would still say to both my husband and my all-male children.

I do think there is sometimes a double standard - I was recently berated by someone when I posted an obvious ironic comment that the "hive-mind" has a very different response to identical posts when the sexes are switched. Apparently what I posted made no sense whatsoever, which it wouldn't if you're being completely disingenuous.

Having said that, I don't actually care that much. Men are rarely challenged on their behaviour or language surrounding the women in their lives, so if they come to MUMSnet expecting a squishy hug then they're going to be disappointed. They can go to Dadsnet or Andrew Tate's site or wherever they go to be coddled if they don't like it here.

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:54

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:09

@BernardBlacksBreakfastWine I know how I came across isn't going to be to everyone's taste, but when I'm getting accused by multiple posters at this point of something I genuinely haven't done, I'm not exactly going to sit back and stay silent. Yes I've said some questionable things on here but I am telling the truth. I've tried to prove it and it didn't get me anywhere. I'm sincerely hoping MN will come along and confirm. Even if it is a glitch.

But for everyone to jump down my throat about it when I haven't posted from multiple accounts, and for then people to bring my very poorly little girl in it, I'm going to get my back up. I understand the threads not to everyone's taste, I knew that when I posted it. Some of these comments (including my own) have gone too far. But bringing in my daughter to a topic that has nothing to do with her and for a poster to make out that I need to 'check on her' has tipped me over the edge.

@RareBears I have owned it. I said it in this post. But accusations about such personal, difficult things I'm going through is much further than I ever went. Just bullying behaviour. I'm going around in circles now and people are just on the wind up now trying to make me feel worse as I'm constantly repeating myself over things I've already explained / covered.

OP posts:

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:52

@Gummybear23 I won't now moving forwards. I can't believe how low some people go honestly. Thank you for your kind words though, they really mean a lot. ❤️

OP posts:

RareBears · 27/08/2024 13:51

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:43

@Gummybear23 thank you. I shouldn't have to justify it on this thread as this thread isn't about it at all.
Some people are really vile.

Thank you for your kind words :) x

You have been through tough times. Physically and emotionally. I am really sorry. Way too young to suffer that. Not much older than my own kids are now so I do feel sad for you.

But you have been pretty ‘vile’ in a different way to people here. And using nasty language. Do you own that?

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:51

@RareBears how many fucking times.

I changed my username as I do after each thread I write. I thought that I wasn't going to come back this this thread and in hindsight I shouldn't have as it's full of bullies.
I changed my UN.

I ended up coming back to the thread (it was in the middle / towards the end of the thread) where I came back. I forgot to change the UN back to what I was using when I created the thread. I then explained WHY I change names regularly. Due to some very personal threads running. I have since been accused of lying about cancer, DV and my sick child. All because I made an error with a username.

It's not that hard to grasp. Stop trying to catch me out. Hopefully MN again will be along to confirm what I have done.

Jesus Christ how many times. Now will you just drop it? PLEASE.

OP posts:

Gummybear23 · 27/08/2024 13:49

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:47

I have been accused of lying.
You have accused me of posting from different accounts.
I'm going to rightly defend myself when none of those things are true.

I've received an email from MN and they're looking into it. Hopefully they'll be along shortly to confirm that the username error WAS me on this account, so all you lot breathing down my neck can leave me alone.

Wouldn't waste my energy.

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:47

I have been accused of lying.
You have accused me of posting from different accounts.
I'm going to rightly defend myself when none of those things are true.

I've received an email from MN and they're looking into it. Hopefully they'll be along shortly to confirm that the username error WAS me on this account, so all you lot breathing down my neck can leave me alone.

OP posts:

RareBears · 27/08/2024 13:47

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 12:48

Again, if you care to read.

I CHANGED USERNAME AFTER EVERY THREAD I START. I DIDNT THINK I WAS COMING BACK TO THIS THREAD SO I CHANGED MY USERNAME. SOMETHING I ALWAYS DO.
I ENDED IP RETURNING TO THE THREAD AND FORGOT TO CHANGE MY NAME BACK.

Clear enough?

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duplicate comment, sorry

Gummybear23 · 27/08/2024 13:47

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:43

@Gummybear23 thank you. I shouldn't have to justify it on this thread as this thread isn't about it at all.
Some people are really vile.

Thank you for your kind words :) x

💯 agree.
Why people have to be so vile.
The time in this world passes so quickly.
Within a blink of an eye the years will pass and all our times will be over.
What do we gain from being horrible and vindictive?

If we try to be nicer and always try to be considerate and kind we will all win.

RareBears · 27/08/2024 13:46

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 12:48

Again, if you care to read.

I CHANGED USERNAME AFTER EVERY THREAD I START. I DIDNT THINK I WAS COMING BACK TO THIS THREAD SO I CHANGED MY USERNAME. SOMETHING I ALWAYS DO.
I ENDED IP RETURNING TO THE THREAD AND FORGOT TO CHANGE MY NAME BACK.

Clear enough?

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Even if you did that, it would default back to the original username that you used on this particular thread. The midway change will not have happened ‘accidentally’.

Fluufer · 27/08/2024 13:45

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:23

@DickEmery @Fluufer

Happy now? Got all the information you're needing? Good. Now leave me the fuck alone.

To be clear, not once have I accused you lying. But you are name changing and deflecting to manipulate the thread as it's not going your way. I'm sorry to hear of all you've been through, but none of it is relevant to you OP, it didn't need to be brought up at all.

Original poster

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:43

@Gummybear23 thank you. I shouldn't have to justify it on this thread as this thread isn't about it at all.
Some people are really vile.

Thank you for your kind words :) x

OP posts:

Gummybear23 · 27/08/2024 13:42

Daniagainagainagainagain · 27/08/2024 13:22

Seeing as a few of you are bullies, and are accusing me of lying about cancer, DA and my poorly child. All because I accidently forgot to switch my name back on a thread.

I was diagnosed with asbestos cancer at 23.
I have had years of treatments, horrific surgeries, and my heart started to fail in 2022.

During that time I have spent over 450 days in hospital non consecutively. During that time my lovely husband had an affair with a friend. Due to his violence the police got involved and through their help and with IDVA involved, I managed to walk away.
In the last year my daughter has been going through some awfully tough times with her own health.
I am dealing with everything on my own as a single mother.

I shouldn't have to say any of this, but some of you on here are that low and horrible. All because I accidently posted under a different username. Despite me showing screenshots that it's from the same account.

Horrible horrible people.

So sorry to hear this.
Hope and pray 🙏 your circumstances change.
Hope your daughter gets through her health issues.
i hope the sun shines brightly on you both with your future being brighter And healthier.💐