Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

My question was to the mums of sons who seem to hate men, why are your sons exempt from that, just because they're an extension of you.

(The question isn't to you personally, it's to the posters with the double standards who seem to hate men for existing)

Well, TBF, I'm the survivor of a very violent marriage in my twenties, and have a son by that marriage.

I don't think I do have an embittered view of men, but I can understand how some survivors of DV and similar might feel that way, whilst at the same time investing a lot of hope in their sons.

So I'm not prepared to condemn any individual woman without knowing her story but I understand that blanket posting negativity could be annoying.

I think this sort of thing should be the last on a son's mum's mind - who really thinks MN posters' opinions are truly relevant, tbh? But a truly worrying thing is what do boys do if ladies jump into bed with them, sleep with them and then change their mind and cry 'rape' - that is a real worry. Do you fill in a written consent form? That is what should really worry sons' mums, I think. I have no answer.

"My bf never wants sex as he says he is always tired, it's getting me down"

What a selfish dickhead not meeting your needs. LTB.

"I'm always too tired for sex and it's getting my bf down".

He's an inconsiderate prick, LTB.

Classic click-bait tactic.

When I was at school, the mother of a girl in my class was killed by her father. Does that make me more or less able to comment on the above? There are some times when every day it seems like the news is that a woman, or women and children, or female children, have been killed by a man/men. It is not imaginary that it happens. It is also the case that the vast majority of domestic abuse is committed by men. At population level, women are more likely to live in poverty and do most of the caring. Etc. Pointing out these things is not anti-men. Having expectations of how men should behave towards women (and indeed, other men!) is not anti-men. I cannot believe I even need to say that.

I cannot believe you just asked this question.

Violence against women is at crisis levels and you are being flippant.

Just spend 5 minutes looking at what is happening in Australia and in the UK for government bodies to be calling it an epidemic.

I personally knew a woman who walked into her husband's shed in their yard, he picked up the axe he was using and basically scalped her (She is obviously dead).

My mother spent 30 years in a physically abusive marriage where the violence caused her to miscarry, have broken bones etc.

My best friend was nearly killed by her boyfriend strangling her.

I won't go into the other examples I have because I know a couple of them use Mumsnet.

Every woman knows someone impacted by either domestic violence or murder and to pretend otherwise is disingenuous.

I remember a thread recently where the poster was asking about calling in sick or turning up late because her DH, who usually does school runs was too unwell to get out of bed. It was unreal how many people were so eager to get the pitchforks out for sick husband, as if he somehow wasn’t ever allowed to be unwell.
I generally don’t bother reading threads that are based on males because they always go the same way.

We live in a world where men still have the upper hand in terms of earning, power, status and so on.
Instead of venting about other posters, I think a sensible discussion about how to raise sons so they don't turn out to be total wankers would be much better. Yes I've a son, and I'd actually welcome this.

So true!

See also-

My husband has gained a lot of weight and looks unhealthy.

Responses - Have a gentle talk with him/ encourage him to look as his diet/ start exercising.

My wife has gained a lot of weight and looks unhealthy.

Responses - Are you just as gorgeous as you were 20 years ago? How dare you notice this? Perhaps it’s your fault…

Perfectly put!

Most of the threads I see on here re men and red flags are absolutely spot on, and they are right to advise OP to be careful, but I have to admit, it’s a wonder anyone finds a long term relationship these days because anything and everything gets branded a red flag. I think the OLD culture hasn’t helped because no one wants to commit to anyone, which means anyone who intended to commit also becomes wary! There are more single, childless people now than ever. I don’t think it’s a co incidence!

I couldent care what others think.

That's not double standards though, unless a poster is literally posting your first example on one thread, and the same poster is posting your second example on another. If that is happening, yeah, definite double standards. But I think it's primarily just different people having different opinions.

I think developments like palm-top porn and OLD have lead to some women having such a series of bad experiences, they've just retired hurt and assumed it's an un-winnable tech-driven state of affairs.

Is that the kind of thing you mean?

God that's brilliant.

MN in a nutshell.

Men get killed by men too.

Male suicide is also much higher than amongst women.

How about we look at why this might be - poverty, joblessness, cultural factors, males falling behind in education - rather than choose one easy obvious fact.

It was the truth.