Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

I know we shouldn't slap someone for being a blithering idiot but some women on here seem to assume their blokes don't need to do anything except shine their knobs golf balls all day rather than do some housework or look after their children or deal with their own mother. So a lot of posters call out the knobshining and tell the blithering idiot to dumb the arse. Quite fair.

But I quite agree sometimes it does get a tad aggressive. It's so easy to tear others limb from limb when there's no comeback. Such is social media.

But it would only be double standards if it’s the same posters doing that.

And don’t you see how people may struggle with that, not because of the sex of the person cheating. But because of the relationship of the Op to the person. In both situations the Op is friends with the woman. That makes it a harder decision.

Most people would hesitate dropping their friend in the shit if they did something wrong. But also tell their friend if something wrong was being done to them and they didn’t know.

Thats not about the sex of the people cheating. It’s about the relationships.

Do you think men don’t do the same? Would men tell their best friend his girlfriend was cheating on him, but would also protect the friend if he was the one cheating?

YANBU I'm sick of man-bashing and believe me, I came for the feminist boards as I'm against gender ideology and its impact on women

but alienating half the population (and any woman who has brothers/sons for that matter) is not the answer and it sure as shit doesn't help women's rights

also there tends to be a belittling of anything that men go through

any chance you could enable voting, Op?- I find that so informative rather than the shouty posts that bully people into feeling that their view is a minority one

What century do you hail from? Most mothers that I know work as well.

The double standards on MN are insane. The most extreme example I've seen was a thread a few months ago where a poster had told her boyfriend that she used to go have orgies with strangers. He told her he found this "a bit wild" and that he needed time to think. MN called him a cunt, a manipulative bastard and so on, and said he must be terrible in bed. There's not a chance in hell a woman would have been called those things on MN if the roles were reversed - in fact, he would have been called a pervert and she would have been told him to dump him.

There were even a recent thread about paternity fraud where a poster said that if a woman cheats on her husband and lets him think the resulting baby is his, it's his own fault for not using a condom. Just... WTF. No couple should ever have sex without a condom? No couple should ever try for a baby?

Of course, this isn't reflective of the real world, where it's the other way round: the odds are stacked against women, and women are constantly expected to put themselves last. But I would never ask for relationship advice on MN, because I know I'd get completely skewed responses.

Or maybe if their fathers put as much effort into raising them as their mothers they'd turn out well balanced. They grow up thinking women are beneath them because that's what their deadbeat dads teach them.

Have you considered the possibility that the father was the one going out to work every day while the mother looked after the children? Just a thought...

So you saw the actual words "I hate all black people" and "hate all white people", and MNHQ didn't delete those posts?

I find that very hard to believe but ok if you've seen it, I certainly haven't.

However, I've repeatedly seen posts (like the one on this thread) saying "I hate all men", and they're left to stand.

If the husband is your brother or friend and you don't know the woman, I think most people would advise to tell him

I guess I just don't care if a few men get offended (don't come here then). This forum is one of very few places online (and offline) where women's voices are centered and their points of view are seen.

I have a son but not sure why that would change my view. He's human so yes why wouldn't he act like men commonly do in future.

Men (including my son) don't need you to defend them, they are doing completely fine.

Yep, I see what you mean. This came up on a recent thread and one poster said quite rightly, that the only solution is education, and that will take time to feed in.

What if I the second example the husband is also your friend?

This isn't a double standard. If she's your friend of course you tell her. Presumably you love her, or at least like her enough to be friends. If your friend is having an affair then loyalty to the friend - or at least whatever remaining like for her you had - would in most cases stop you from going to the husband,.unless you're also friends with him. I imagine you would council her to tell him and then step back from the friendship.

It's not a double standard, though.

Just what I was thinkin😂

That's not double standards, that's doing the right thing by your friend in both examples.

Another example of double standards”

woman: Just found out my friend’s husband is having an affair. DoI tell her?

MN - yes she deserves to know

woman: just found out my friend is cheating on her husband. Should I tell him?

MN- no stay out of it’s none of your business.

Isn't the whole huff around 'critical race thoery' a whole cultural war-type panic started by that political activist Christopher Rufo though?

Just Google 'Christopher Rufo critical race theory'

I'm talking about how HQ handle the sensitivities of traumatised groups.

I know CRT is controversial. That's why HQ's handling of it was so impressive.

I think it would be helpful to remember that many women are also traumatised by their experiences of men.

I disagree that it’s a huge amount of posters that simply hate men. I would also say that many of the men posting here, in my opinion, are posting in bad faith and often bread crumbing very poor and abusive behaviour throughout their posts.

But I do agree there can be a double standard. But this is a space frequented by mainly women. So it’s always going to lean that way. Go to any forum that is predominantly used by one group and there always will be more sympathy for people of that group.

I have no idea if these posters you talk about have sons or how they view their sons. so can’t comment. I have several great men in my life, I don’t hate all men. I am wary of any man I don’t know though.

But yes if someone hates all men and believes all men can not be good people, I don’t know how they reconcile that with having a son. Only they can answer.

I have also been in abusive relationship, have many friends who have been and one friend was murdered by her husband, while their baby slept, carried out of the house and dumped in the woods like a piece of trash. He went home and told people she had bad post natal depression and got up and left in the night.

I have a son. I have brought him up to see women as equals in all ways. Not an extension of him, not there to provide services to him, not for him to posses and control. I doubt he will become an abuser. But I don’t know. I hope he grows up like my Dad. But who knows. The same goes for my daughter. I have brought her up with values that I think are important. But she is an adult now, she will choose her path.

I don’t agree, though, there’s many posters on men who hate all men. Some may jump to ltb quite quickly, but rarely when there’s no clear issue. Usually there is quite a big issue. And where people do say ‘ltb’ over very minor issues, other posters usually comment say it’s ridiculous.

*Here's a new perspective. Men (boys) are primarily raised by? Their mothers.

We are, largely speaking, a product of our enviroment.

So when anyone points the finger at men, they are also pointing the finger at the person who reared them most.*

Too bloody right. Everyone knows that when men do something wrong it's always women's fault. Or maybe if their fathers put as much effort into raising them as their mothers they'd turn out well balanced. They grow up thinking women are beneath them because that's what their deadbeat dads teach them.

And all men benefit from the shitty behavior of a few of them, because:

1. They look really good by comparison, even if their own behavior is just what everyone's ought to be to the bare minimum standard of decency
2. It makes all women at least slightly afraid of men, because we have seen what they can do to us and we also know that there are not necessarily warning signs before it happens.
3. Victims of long term abuse automatically walk on eggshells around men and try to appease them to avoid potential future abuse

In short, men can throw their weight about and not even realize they are doing it, because most women will have been conditioned to a certain degree of obeisance towards men from the day we were born.

Not for me. I find generalising about men very useful for keeping myself safe. One of my rules for example is to never get drunk in the company of men who don't love me. I've learned that lesson the hard way. I'm happy that I've learned to generalise that women who don't love me most likely won't spike my drink and rape me. If I didn't Generalise in this way, I'd never be able to go out and drink with friends.

Isn't the whole huff around 'critical race thoery' a whole cultural war-type panic started by that political activist Christopher Rufo though?

Just Google 'Christopher Rufo critical race theory'

Ok, the double standards complaint just ain't true. It feels true because in reality this site is populated by women complaining about men's bad behaviour, and often men who come here to start threads are trying to make some sort of point.

There is a thread right now by a man describing abuse and everyone has told him to leave and he deserves better. The thread about a curfew was met with most people saying it was a terrible and immoral idea.

This is a site mainly populated by women, and in particular mothers. Mothers of young children are in one of them most vulnerable periods of their lives for abuse by partners. Furthermore, MN has a reputation for helping with abuse and so a lot of women post about their abuse. Of course the perspective is female centered and of could we err on the side of protecting the woman who is posting. We know that the stakes are high, and we've seen a lot of the shit described before.