Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

I definitely see there’s a particularly strong anti-men sentiment amongst many posters but I think there’s a much wider theme of knee-jerk unhelpful “advice”.

Problems in your relationship? LTB
Problems with family? Go NC
Problems with your friends? Block them, find new friends.
Problems at work? Quit

There definitely are situations where people do need to be presented with a difficult truth and encouraged to do the hard thing. But the “burn it all to the ground” style of advice all to often doesn’t engage with the detail of the situation and is just easy to dish out nonsense from keyboard warrior agony aunts.

That would only be true if women were murdering women at the same rate that men murder men, yet we don't. Men murder men and men murder women, seems to be a common denominator here. 🤔

In the UK there are twice as many men killed by other men than women killed by men. So to claim this is some kind of gendered issue or mysogyny is simply being untethered from reality. If anything women are actually far safer.

The truth is that homicide rates are extremely low, but until we manage to breed the perfect human, with no violent tendencies, unfortunately there will always be some violent crimes.

I'm a boy mum and take MN with a pinch of salt. My DH is a fab guy but I don't think he's a special case more a bit like remembering a bad meal somewhere this is what people relay rather then all the run of the mill decent places so actually my partner or husband is a decent bloke and just cracks on with life. So with that juxtaposition you only get the snapshot of bad blokes and you get women who really have had a tough time.
Generally the ones who are posting all men are x are vocal with it which makes it seem as if the whole place has that attitude rather then the reality.
There are definitely rubbish blokes however. I would never defend one of my boys if I found out he was being lazy as a adult and taking a partner for granted. Its definitely not the way they are being brought up.

My MIL isn't good but given my DH and SIL both give their mum a wide berth in my case it's definitely not a MIL bashing perspective. In fact she's very good at teaching me all the things I shouldn't do if my boys decide to get married or have a long term life partner and become a MIL!

My agenda? You're the one who was blaming women for the bad behaviour of men and absolving dads of any responsibility for how their sons turn out.

@Daniagainagainagainagain you’re getting very aggressive. You asked for people’s opinions but those POV are making you mad it seems!

Poor menz 😥

"I know we shouldn't slap someone for being a blithering idiot but some women on here seem to assume their blokes don't need to do anything except shine their knobs golf balls all day rather than do some housework or look after their children or deal with their own mother. So a lot of posters call out the knobshining and tell the blithering idiot to dumb the arse. Quite fair."

@Daniagainagainagainagain this is the original post that you replied to, saying it's just as much the woman's fault. I copied and pasted because I couldn't quote two posts at once.

So you think that if a man is merely neglectful, doesn't do anything around the house etc, then the woman is to blame. But if the man is actually abusive then the woman is no longer to blame.

What about if neglect is a precursor to abuse? Is the woman to blame then for staying through the initial neglect? Abuse usually starts with subtle, small things.

What about if the wife of the neglectful husband is financially tied to her husband? Or staying for the sake of the children? Is she still to blame for him doing nothing other than shine his golf balls?

To be clear I think the only person to blame in both situations is the person behaving badly, the person with the neglectful or abusive behaviour.

I don't see how you can say a woman is to blame for staying with a neglectful partner, but not to blame for staying with an abusive partner. Doesn't make sense.

In both cases, the person behaving badly is fully responsible.

thats very true, especially when its a woman needed more love the threads usually go lifes to short have an affair etc, but heaven forbid its the other way round and then its omg how dare you, obviously in some threads there is more context with regards to the relationship, but in some there have been example of this type of thinking.

People aren’t going to post that they’re living the dream or things are going great, so you are more likely to see anti men posts because it’s a woman’s forum. And in the same way, the people who comment will comment because they’ve been through similar. So it’s not really indicative I don’t think personally. I do hate the namalt thing because of course they’re not all dickheads!!! And to be fair with some of the people on mn, women don’t always cover themselves in glory either, myself included 😅

Yes, and my son-in-law does parent their children when he is home. I realise this must be disappointing to hear as it goes against your agenda. *eye roll

Yep. I can confirm that my 55y husband and 22y son are unharmed by any ‘anti-men’ comments on MN.

Last year it was 107. I didn’t know any of these women. Does that mean it didn’t happen? Or it doesn’t matter?

I think the nature of MN is that people complain about the men in their lives who are arseholes.
It’s rare to find a post ‘this man in my life is fabulous how about yours?’
I have noticed generational changes in men as I have in women but there is an awful lot that stays the same. The Venus and Mars thing is real.
Just for the record my DP is great, my late dad was an absolute gentleman. However, I have been out with some weapons-grade idiots and I cringe at how I allowed myself to be treated.
I don’t have kids but the sons of my closest friends are all brilliant lads.
I do worry about the men of all ages into the Tate-style propaganda. That is corrosive.
But I think most people I know just try to do their best by their kids and it’s tough in 2024.
So I’ll just raise a Peggy Mitchell toast today to the great fellas I know.

I am married to an amazing man. My 22y son is decent and respectful. Both men in my life often despair at how many men behave and they feel that men are responsible for so much shit in the world.

It is fine to point that out and be aware. It doesn’t mean any of us ‘hate men’. Calling out poor behaviour is not ‘man-hating’.

Most OPs get ripped to shreds. They are usually women. So are the posters criticising them all ‘anti-women’?

i can read ‘anti-men’ comments without feeling all outraged and defensive for my son. Because he is a decent man so I know the comments don’t apply to him.

@Daniagainagainagainagain will conveniently miss this post because it doesn't fit her narrative.

The reason the woman got picked apart for dating a ‘gentleman’ isn’t anything to do with hating men it’s good old fashioned misogyny against women.

Other posters can't believe a woman is happily dating a man. She must be too thick to see how awful he is. So a bunch of random women on the internet decide to undermine her interpretation of the situation and knock her down.

Go on then, name someone.

@angeldelite I've also seen plenty. It is a thing.

What a weird thread. The OP clearly is not keen to hear any opinion that contradicts their own so I'm not sure why I'm going to bother adding my two pence worth but there we are. In my social circle there are some incredible and brilliant men. Some of my friends have been married to absolutely awful men and despite managing to leave those terrible relationships, are still having to deal with their exes controlling them through their children and the divorce terms. I have 2 boys. I love them dearly, obviously. However I am not blind to the fact that despite that DH is an excellent husband and father, and that my boys are good people, men as a sex class are more likely to abuse, murder and be violent. You keep asking for a forum where you can see examples of men being awful. You just need to look at the comments under any reel posted by a woman on Facebook or Instagram to see just how awful and incel like plenty of men are. Of course, some women are awful. But let's be honest, men are the ones who commit the murders and rapes. Of other men too. Men are the problem and I will do my best bring my boys up to be better and to understand that both women and men deserve to be respected - neither men nor women are better than the other, but we cannot ignore that VAWG is getting worse and not better.

Do you really feel that the majority of men you come into contact with are arseholes? I think there are plenty of horrible men around (as evidenced by the relationship threads), but I would never think that applies to more than 50% of men that I come across at work, on transport, in restaurants, etc. I simply wouldn’t know they well enough to judge.

And yet you did exactly the same.

You post your out of a long terrible relationship by a year and then have the temerity to say women should know better?, not put up with such behaviour.

And I reckon if youd come on here a long time ago at the beginning of your terrible relationship with the querys you had then, you would have been out sooner.

The same posters over and over again posting at how much they hate men.

And yet I bet if I asked you for the names of the posters you wouldn’t be able to name a single one.

The rate at which MNers name change is incredible, there’s simply no way you have a list of posters.

You think that by repeating a fallacy it becomes fact but people see through this.