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He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
Toptops · 27/08/2024 21:39

Bin. He is horrible to you.

MetalicPainr · 27/08/2024 21:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ValsCupcakes · 27/08/2024 21:30

HauntedbyMagpies · 27/08/2024 18:15

@ValsCupcakes Bank holiday was yesterday love

Thanks sweetypie.

MeandT · 27/08/2024 21:26

By-bye!

Enjoy your promotion. Without the dead weight of such a manbaby pushing you down!

NickyT64 · 27/08/2024 21:24

I am so sorry, it must have been Terri to finally find out how he feels about you. But at least you know now, not when you are married with children. If he truly loves you he would want to show you off regardless of your employment status. This is just so cruel. What an absolute bastard. I wish you all the best.

whyNotaNice · 27/08/2024 21:20

sorry, just the system did it 2ice

ilovesushi · 27/08/2024 21:20

Congrats on the job!

whyNotaNice · 27/08/2024 21:20

Find a better guy. There are amazing men who are teachers out there.

whyNotaNice · 27/08/2024 21:19

Find a better guy. There are amazing men who are teachers out there.

browneyes77 · 27/08/2024 21:12

Firstly, congratulations on the job offer!!

Secondly, RUN. This man wants a trophy partner.

And honestly? He sounds a bit controlling. He’s planning out your life for you on his terms.

Did he even thank you for the effort you went to on his birthday? Or did he just sit there whining all night and laying out HIS expectations?

You deserve someone who will acknowledge your achievements, but who will also support you in achieving them.

You’ve been together a year and he wants you to be in a ‘better’ job before he introduces you to his friends? Deputy Head isn’t good enough for him? That’s “I want a trophy girlfriend’ material if ever I saw it.

Bestlife18 · 27/08/2024 21:06

I’m really cynical on this one. I’d say - he’s an utter narcissist and when you held an amazing party for his family, it showed him up because it was you and not him organising and possibly stealing his perceived glory. Then he knew he could hurt you by moving all of the goalposts. I unfortunately stayed with a man like this, married him and now divorced. Strongly suggest now he has shown you who he is, you run because he will then be financially tied to you and you sound like you have an exciting life ahead of you. Sorry this has happened though, especially as it took a year for him to turn.

FeetLikeFlippers · 27/08/2024 20:58

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Well done on being offered the job! As for how to dump the idiot, he’s made it pretty clear that he wants different things in regards to marriage etc so you can just calmly cite your incompatibility as a reason to end things. But tell him about your promotion as well obviously! I’d quite like to be a fly on a wall and see the look on his face to be honest! Good luck with everything xxx

CameltoeParkerBowles · 27/08/2024 20:56

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Good for you - for both the promotion and for dumping that manipulative tosspot. Onwards and upwards!

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/08/2024 20:55

Matronic6 · 27/08/2024 20:24

That is the standard, but I know of a couple of occasions were headteacher posts were not filled successfully and they then approached an existing member of staff about the post.

Really between 11 pm one night and 10 am the next morning? When of course, schools are shut and there is a Headteacher in post for September - seriously?

Swollenandgrouchy · 27/08/2024 20:51

Sounds like he is trying cool things off / losing interest. Don’t waste any more time on him.

FeetLikeFlippers · 27/08/2024 20:50

At least he’s shown you his true colours before you’ve fully committed to him or had his kids. He sounds very controlling, and people like that are usually super nice to you at first (often disguising the controlling stuff as being “protective” of you) then the toxic behaviour sneaks in gradually. As others have said, he will only get worse and you need to step away now.

StrawberrySwitch · 27/08/2024 20:49

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Oh wow. Well done. Let him know, let him congratulate you, let him imagine basking in your glory as he shows you off to his friends for a day or two, then dump his sorry ass stating you feel you have outgrown him!

Pearlinda · 27/08/2024 20:46

Put him in the bin.

TuesdayWhistler · 27/08/2024 20:41

What a cunt.

Together a year but haven't met the friends?

That should be ringing alarm bells the size of the Fucking bell at st Bastard Pauls with more red flags than they make at Red Flags R Us "we make a million a day for all your flagging needs"

Has society failed so much that this type.of bollocks from.men is just shrugged and accepted? I'd rather be alone for fucking ever every bastarding day than tolerate such bullshit shitey shit from some arse weasel fart faced half cocked donkey douching jack ass.

Whatinthedoopla · 27/08/2024 20:36

This guy does not want to marry you or have children with you. Anyone who does, will not try to delay it by 5 or so years, especially after talking about it, and not wanting to show you off right now... He needs to get a personality

Laura95167 · 27/08/2024 20:30

There's a lot to unpack here. Just throw whole suitcase out with him

happygertie · 27/08/2024 20:28

He wants you to leave him so he doesn't have to leave you

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/08/2024 20:26

Congratulations! You’ve smashed it. Dump the querulous git. He is ghastly. Run, far far away

Matronic6 · 27/08/2024 20:24

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/08/2024 19:58

This is NOT how it works. You know that if you are a teacher. Headteacher applications are not assigned to people but external applications. Not internal. Neither are they promised or eat marked for people in advance.

That is the standard, but I know of a couple of occasions were headteacher posts were not filled successfully and they then approached an existing member of staff about the post.

Supertayto · 27/08/2024 20:23

OP, this is terrible. To have wasted a year with this twat must feel like a long time to have invested to then throw away, but it is a long old life. Too long to be stuck with someone so horrific. How dare he belittle what you’ve achieved so far. How dare he link your successes to milestones in your relationship like hoops to jump through. Vile. Dump him immediately, take the headship and enjoy your life. May his dick shrivel up and fall off. Twat.