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Original poster

He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
Leedsfan247 · 28/08/2024 08:43

Walk away

Judecb · 28/08/2024 08:32

I'm sorry but he is displaying all the characteristics of a controlling narcissist.

Marine30 · 28/08/2024 07:53

Congratulations on the new job 🙌. Hopefully soon you’ll have an amazing job and an amazing partner - just not the awful one you’ve mentioned here.

Ukrainebaby23 · 28/08/2024 07:32

Pistachiochiochio · 26/08/2024 10:46

Run.

You are not compatible. You should be with someone who can't stop talking about you to his friends.

This.

AmIEnough · 28/08/2024 07:14

DarkForces · 26/08/2024 10:48

He has given you the present of telling you exactly who he is before you've invested in property together, got married or had kids. Listen to him. He's only going to get worse as he gets more settled.
RUN

Absolutely this!!! @DarkForces, I really couldn’t have put it better myself!

DreamW3aver · 28/08/2024 07:13

ValsCupcakes · 27/08/2024 22:47

That must be what she means by "up for promotion" then.

Show quote history

That's a very unusual definition then, if youd been offered a job in the school holidays but hadn't decided whether to take it you'd say that surely. I can't imagine the parents of the school would be very happy, it sounds like a poorly run school, how have they got into a situation with no head

AmIEnough · 28/08/2024 07:12

My God you need to run for the hills! This guy is an utter arsehole. He thinks more about status and impressing his friends than your feelings. If he is putting you down now, how do you think it will be in years to come? You deserve better than this. Don’t waste your life on him and definitely don’t have children with him.

Firethehorse · 28/08/2024 02:23

OP I’m so glad you have decided to dump this sorry excuse for a partner - well done & congrats on your upcoming promotion. You sound extremely hardworking (12 hour days mentioned) and deserving of the Headship. For a women’s forum some posters are a little quick to just decide you didn’t go through a fair process. Of course OP wasn’t just offered the job, she is spending time deciding if it’s right for her which I think speaks of a conscientious individual.
Can I just ask, isn’t anyone else curious as to this now ex’s set up? Perhaps it is just me, but I would 💯 want to know if there was anyone else or even multiple women.
The ladies saying just move on and don’t waste time do of course have a great point but…. As long as I wasn’t feeling absolutely gutted I would just naturally feel a little retribution coming on, especially as there are potentially other women being strung along consecutively.
Either way good luck OP

Awaywiththefairies078 · 28/08/2024 01:45

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Offered a job offer during the summer holidays? So are you now the headteacher come September?

Jeannie88 · 27/08/2024 23:45

As others have said, if you like/love someone you can't wait for your friends amd family to meet them. Xx

CrowleyKitten · 27/08/2024 23:34

he's ashamed of you for no valid reason, and you don't have the same plans for life as you go ahead.
this one is not a keeper.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 27/08/2024 23:24

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Everything points to “he’s married”. You just need to catch him out now… Good luck.

sesa145 · 27/08/2024 23:20

There is something very not right here. Dump him asap. The truth will out soon after

Thistlewoman · 27/08/2024 23:19

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

It's over. He's really not that into you. Get out now while you still have your sanity and your dignity.

Doubledenim305 · 27/08/2024 23:11

Thank him for showing you his true colours and say goodbye and let's not stay in touch.

Time to move on. Hope you meet someone nice.

ValsCupcakes · 27/08/2024 22:47

FlipFlopVibe · 27/08/2024 22:43

I don’t think OP has been offered the job since she made her initial post. Someone asked her something along the lines of “either your have been offered the job or you haven’t” and the OP replied “I have been offered the job”. Not that they have just contacted her in the last few days, just that in her school, she has been chosen as the preferred candidate at some point over recent weeks/months

That must be what she means by "up for promotion" then.

FlipFlopVibe · 27/08/2024 22:43

I don’t think OP has been offered the job since she made her initial post. Someone asked her something along the lines of “either your have been offered the job or you haven’t” and the OP replied “I have been offered the job”. Not that they have just contacted her in the last few days, just that in her school, she has been chosen as the preferred candidate at some point over recent weeks/months

Drearydiedre · 27/08/2024 22:39

My guess is he's married.

Tell him he can't meet your family until he gets a hair transplant and drives a better car.

Laloca2000 · 27/08/2024 22:37

Yeah, no. Don't waste your precious time. Your career is what you do, not who you are..the guy's a bellend. Adios amigo! You'll not regret it, trust me. Best of luck my lovely, you'll be great without that twat!

Matronic6 · 27/08/2024 22:07

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/08/2024 20:55

Really between 11 pm one night and 10 am the next morning? When of course, schools are shut and there is a Headteacher in post for September - seriously?

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Oh? I thought she mentioned early on that she was going through the promotion process.

YourWinter · 27/08/2024 22:05

I guess OP is not in the UK, the career progression as described just doesn’t work that way in British mainstream education.

The point of the thread, though, is that after a year of seeing him just a couple of times a week, she hasn’t met any of his family or friends. His refusal to introduce her is a massive red flag and it couldn’t be.any clearer that he has another relationship running parallel with this one, whether married or not. How sad that a professional with the intelligence and capability to be a (deputy) head teacher has been blinded by this man, who is so obviously just another twat with his brains between his legs.

He works in education too…? God help his poor students and colleagues.

IOSTT · 27/08/2024 22:04

Tell him you have been offered a great promotion, but unfortunately that means his job role is no longer good enough for you 😂

Garlicnaan · 27/08/2024 22:03

CowTown · 27/08/2024 10:33

Yes. And it’s terribly unfair on the unwitting “pawns” who have had to take time off work, set cover work for the day, prepare a presentation, and go through all of the emotions. When they weren’t even a viable candidate in the first place and never even stood a chance.

Show quote history

This happens in so many industries.

Mamabear487 · 27/08/2024 21:56

He’s an arsehole. In the kindest way - leave. He will never give you what to want. Sounds like he’s a time waster and prick!

Thinkbiglittleone · 27/08/2024 21:49

Bin him off, any man who only respects you or is proud of you because of a salary or a job title, is a knob.
He doesn't get to judge you in that way, you are more than a job title, he obviously can't see this. He won't change, find some who respects and loves you for you.