He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

If he feels it "will look bad" then words fail me.

It may not be about being married already. It may also be about the profession.
Perhaps he feels it may look bad for a HM to go out with a deputy head? Perhaps he would rather wait till you are on the same professional level?
Could also explain why he won’t introduce you to friends and family?

That's what I thought,.. or he already has kids and a possible ex (or not) wife in the background.

He sounds like a whiney bitch. Out the door with him and move on.

I asked OP politely if she could clarify, and she hasn't replied. I completely get it that she may well have chosen to disguise her actual occupation, but I'm confused about things like saying that the promotion which was the next step is a few years off, then that she was up for it next year, then a few hours later she's been offered the job. There might well be an explanation, e.g. that actually the promotion is from junior deputy to senior deputy or something similar, but it would be nice if OP could clarify.

The details.of the job make zero difference.

It could be an office.manager, TA, library worker, Asda picker.

The point is that this is Mumsnet, people change details.

Picking out inconsistencies in small details because people believe they know better, is pointless, it's derailed the thread and added zero to the main core of it.

So what if OP is a teacher and got offered a job?
So what if she isn't?

It makes fuck all difference and sanctimonious posters are just using it to try and score points and make themselves feel superior.

Op asked for help and advice for a situation with her boyfriend, not to have the details, that may or may not even be fucking true picked apart.

convratulations! Whether you take it or not, congratulations on being offered it.

personally I'd take it. You can always step down in future if you have children & think it would be easier/better to return to classroom teaching.

have you actually dumped the bellend yet

I'm not sure if 'consider him dumped' meant you had or were going to

Because the details are important here, it seems that the bf wants her to be a head teacher (or whatever equivalent) but she hasn't told him that she's been offered that job. It has an impact on who is being unreasonable

And newsflash, everyone knows that people don't always tell the truth, they don't need you to shout it out.

Congratulations 👏👏👏 !

He is also too old for you. He's dangling maybe baby in five years - he'll be fiftyish. Old enough to be a grandfather.

He doesn't want children and he doesn't want them with you.

I also think you MAY be the side dish, not the main in his life, hence hiding you.

But if not - you are being lined up as the future nurse with a purse. Younger partner, no children to take attention away from him, a higher graded job, salary and pension ... Perfect.

You should of got up and walked out

So?

So what?

And?

What's your point?

That op is lying?

And?
So what if they are?

What are you going to do with the information of OP reveals they're actually just an office manager, not a teacher?

What difference will it make?

Wow . Hes either in a relationship with some one else or hes ashamed of you and think you are beneath him, either of these means he does not love you, he is using you. And so callous to not even care about hurting you.talking about his birthday party to you then saying you not invited. How much more abuse are you going to take

Well aren't you a treat?

The details do not make sense, and it is relevant what the job is as the OP has made the whole thread about precisely that.

Go and simmer down and stop swearing at everyone. It's unnecessary.

That bit is confusing

It is. If you read the first post, it doesn’t sound like they have been formally offered a headship, but they have?

I would have thought that over the lovely birthday plans you had, you’d have mentioned at some point that you’ve been offered a headship. Isn’t that big news? Especially something to share with another teacher? Did you not talk it over with him. Even just saying you’d put in an application/had an interview?

It sounds like you already knew you had the job, had said nothing to him about it, then came on here and wrote a post about how you’ve got a few years until you get promoted?!

Why the fuck are people arguing over if OP is a teacher or not?

Let me let you into a secret.
People on MN change details so as not to be outed IRL.

A barrister becomes a teacher.
A barista becomes a teacher
A second violin in the orchestra becomes a teacher.
Or a teacher becomes a mechanic.
A teacher becomes a dentist.

And people don't use real names either sometimes.... shocking I know...

Quibbling over unimportant and pedantic details is a waste of time. Op could be anything, anyone and has made up the entire thread.

"A tea her getting a job in summer? Ops lying.."
NO FUCKING SHIT - my name isn't Tuesday either.... so I'm lying as well..

Bin

This, I genuinely believe he's married.

Maybe the op means she had already ‘formally’ been offered the job when she started the thread, not that she was offered it yesterday. I’m not sure why she said that she is a few years away from headship though. That bit is confusing.

Op when do you start the job?

Also what are you going to tell this bloke about it?

Take the job. My mother was a head and it can work. At least if you are a head, then you don't have a head overseeing your every move if you have kids and the board of governors won't dare to single you out if you do have a family because you'll destroy them at every corner.

Dump this guy though. Why ? because he's already 44, wants to wait 5+ years, then he'll be over 50 and at that point he'll say that he's too old, set in his ways, your life of freedom is too important to lose and he'll want you childless into your old age.

As a father who had a kid in his late 30s, let me tell you that life changes around 50, even if you are fit and well. Ideally, you want kids over and done with before 50, not before 60 !

Take your new job and freedom but be clear with a new partner where your priorities lie.

Are you in Scotland, @Burritowrap ?

Do Scottish schools often employ head teachers the first week of the school term? Is the interview process really different there where one day you are years from a promotion and the next day have a formal offer of a headship?

It’s easy to wrap your head around the OP’s boyfriend being a dick who she should dump (have you?) but employing head teachers like this is much more difficult opt to comprehend. On Monday, you didn’t have this job and it was really speculative that you might become a head at some time in the future, yet on Tuesday you had a formal offer of a headship, but with seemingly no interview. You hadn’t told your boyfriend any of this might be astoundingly imminent? Not talked it through with anyone when you were applying?

Maybe the OP is in Scotland, the schools went back a week or two ago there.

Things must work very differently in independent schools-on Bank holiday Monday the Op was a few years away from a promotion and by the next day, had received a formal offer of a headship! I wonder when the interviews were?

I have found it hard to wrap my head around tbh.

He has completely played you, and even if all those feelings he had were real af the time he’s clearly a total messer.
it’s so hurtful but he is the dickhesd and sounds really strange and immature. Get rid of him. He can’t be your soulmate if he speaks and acts like that , so the sooner you stand up to this the better . Send him off , get some therapy so this behaviour doesn’t impact you too much and move on. It’s his loss and he’s a fool.

Get rid, and pronto!