He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

@Captnip500
Yes, at 44 could well be hiding a past wife/ family.
especially as only seeing each other twice a week.

I think he’s told you what he wants - listen to him. This relationship is unfort not suitable as you don’t have the same life plan. He sounds a bit of a dick to be honest! Lucky escape I think. Stay strong.

Op please dump him. I would be almost certain that he has another partner or at least something else to hide. Him refusing to introduce you to anymore in his life, weirdness around secret birthdays, now doing a u turn on future plans? His is lying to you. He is as sketchy as hell.

He’s 44?

I was imagining a man of late twenties!

I hope you've dumped him by now....

He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me.

He couldn't answer directly because the reason is going to hurt you.

He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

So essentially you are not good enough to meet his friends...

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it

And he wants to change you.....

he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career.

He isn't committed or wants different things.............or wants to wait to see if you will fit into his mould for a partner that is good enough to go public with....

He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait.

Again not committed, or doesn't think you are good enough........yet. Or maybe you will do until someone who is not "full on" or better comes along that he will want to marry/have kids with

I am so hurt by all of these things.

Not bloody surprised. Depending on your age, be careful you don't waste your fertile years hanging about trying to meet up to his expectations. You might never achieve it (and more importantly shouldn't want too!)

You deserve so much better.

You respond by calling it a day. This will never work.

I agree, this sums it up. He probably doesn’t really want kids at all let alone with you IMO and he’s stringing you along.

That aside, the whole not meeting his friends until you get a promotion is bonkers. He should be proud of you as you are now, and if he isn’t he shouldn’t be with you.

If he wants something to “brag” about can’t he brag about how kind and funny and smart you are? Why does he have to wait until you’ve reached a certain level in your career before that? If he’s not excited about you now he never will be.

You said you’re younger than him? How much younger? I’m assuming you’re no more than 35?

I feel one reason why men of a certain age go for much younger women is so they feel they can continue to dither and delay instead of taking the relationship forward at a steady pace.

He sounds massively avoidant and also somewhat controlling and he may be hiding something like another partner. Either way it doesn’t seem as if there’s a future for you two. Time to cut your losses and move on.

I read this as he doesn't really have any friends and this was his way of pretending he does. Conveniently not inviting OP so she imagines he has friends.

Not worth bothering with, and he is coming up to 50. Get a better match for yourself

Run - always watch their actions. His just showed you who he really is. I’m thinking he wants someone for show or he already has someone more serious.

I would suggest a conversation with him before you break up. You know, like adults. At least try to get some honesty.

If it is over it will help you in getting closure and moving on to your next relationship.

I don’t like this freezing out with a WhatsApp. Not very adult, or
human, frankly. We didn’t used to end relationships this way pre smart phones and we managed just fine.

I couldn’t work that out either. Their and his being used alongside each other, it just seems an odd thing to do. It’s why I first read it as OP having met the parents at the birthday thing.

Run, and don’t look back.

He’s not proud of you as you are? ( Until promotion)

He’s not the right man for you.

YABVVVU putting up with this. Tell him you’ve decided to upgrade your boyfriend instead. Then block.

Do you actually have 5 years to wait? If you are late 30s (idk how old you are) then you actually do not have that time to fritter.

Wow once you said his age I knew for sure: dump him.

44 and wants to wait another 5 years for children? Either he doesn't actually want children and he's just leaving that goalpost in the indefinite future for you, or he's a Peter Pan who never wants to grow up. Or both.

This coupled with the obvious red flag of not being able to meet his friends or family until you have a promotion (wtf??) tells me he's not invested here at all and you shouldn't be, either. Sorry.

A lot of teachers are now obliged to use gender neutral pronouns in school every day so it can be a hard habit to shake off in personal correspondence

I wish I’d had this on my wall as a teenager. Would have saved me a lot of future angst.

Still have the party with your friends though, just don't invite him.

44 !!!
how old are you ?

i thought from the way you wrote that you were both late teens / early 20's at most.

' This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it. '

What was all this with the ' their ' and ' them ' surely you meant ' his ' and ' him '

and he wants to wait until he is almost 50 before he has children ?

i think this is a wind up

Don’t send that or anything like it.

You’re a Deputy Head! Something to be proud of! If I were your BF, I would be proud to introduce Deputy Head Burritowrap to my friends!

(Please tell me you’re not both at the same school. 🙈 And for reference, what senior leadership is CF in, anyway?)

The sudden change around marriage/kids sounds like it could be related to feelings around his birthday and age.

But needing a promotion to meet his friends??
Promote yourself to single and hotfoot it out of there!!

He's a first class prick and sounds very controlling. You'd be doing yourself a massive favour by telling him to fuck off because it will only get worse. You deserve so much better.