He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

Also, you said he's in the same profession? Did he make it to head teacher by the age you are now or is he holding you to higher standards than he can meet himself? Red flags all over the place, it's just an excuse to keep you at arm's length.

You know you need to dump him, don't you?

My uni boyfriend and I were still an item when we graduated. By then, I was a teacher. He was a trainee accountant.

With hindsight, I should have dumped him much sooner.

This is why I'm replying to your post: the first major red flag was when he told me that he didn't want to introduce me to one of his friends because he thought that his friend would disapprove of me because...

My dad was from a country which was then Communist. (No shit. Guess why he'd left?) I had a degree in Russian and his pal wouldn't approve cos Russia was a Communist country.

The funny thing is, we met in...wait for it....the Russian class. It's just that my boyfriend wasn't very good, had to do a re-sit in first year and was advised by the professor that doing a 2nd yr in Russian wasn't a very good idea. (In the end, he did a joint in English Lit and History.)

If you're not good enough to be introduced to his friends, then he's not good enough for you.

Yes, a lot of stalling. If it’s not one thing it’s another. He’ll just keep finding things to stall on.

He's 44 and he wants to wait about 5 years to have kids?

Text him a quick, „I need someone younger and with more potential. Bye bye“

Totally. I said upthread if that’s the reason it’s still a lie and he’s not being honest.

He's not on the same page. And he doesn't think you are good enough to meet his friends. Definitely get rid.

Someone who thinks only being deputy head makes you not good enough to introduce to his friends is never going to give you the love and respect you deserve OP. If he loved you he'd have been showing you off to friends and family much sooner, celebrating your good qualities across the board, not waiting for you to achieve some arbitrary level of success that he seems appropriate.

He's stringing you along, he's not a good person to tie your life to. Tell him he's not good enough for you, and get the hell out of there.

Time to put this one back and get yourself a serious man i’m afraid.

when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

Sound as if there’s more to this than he’s letting on. Lots of deflection and weirdness. Don’t engage with the drama. Leave him.

If that’s the case it’s still a massive red flag, not because he doesn’t have friends but because he should just be honest about it instead of lying about it at OPs expense.

My ex of a similar age told me from the outset he had no friends - well it turned out he had a couple to be fair but I think he meant people he saw or spoke to more often. There’s no reason to lie about it to your partner of one year.

He is letting you know who he is, and that you are not for him.

Grab your dignity and be gone

Ditch him, OP. He's not interested. You're Miss 'OK for now'.

Edit to add: And his group of 'work friends' includes someone who thinks s/he is his partner, and they all know.

S/he? Well, why would he introduce you to his family if you aren't his serious intention? What is he hiding?

This man will never marry you.

If you are a deputy head then you are intelligent enough - and SURELY mature enough - to not tolerate this kind of pathetic, infantile twaddle from a grown man.

Just end it. Or lose any form of self respect, quite frankly,

I know, it is very depressing. I seen another one a few months ago that shocked me too.

I can’t recall the exact details, but I remember being so flabbergasted that this apparently smart successful woman was posing such a question about her poor excuse of a partner on AIBU.

I don’t know if MN has an over representation of these kind of people or society has taken a step backwards with feminist values .

Wtaf tell him to do one

He’s 44 and single and a man so there’s a high chance he doesn’t have friends. That’s not a dig just fact that men don’t tend to retain or nurture friendships in the same way women do (shared hobbies aside).

He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

btw this is called future faking OP, look it up if you’re not familiar with the term.

I don’t think he is seriously planning any of this for the future. Not with you anyway. That’s why he’s set it in some date in the distant future.

Unless you were both in your 20s or at least early 30s, there’s no real reason for someone to say they want to wait 5 years for kids (unless that’s what both parties want) and he’s now turning it on you by saying you’re “full on”.

You may not have picked up on it because you’re younger than him but he sounds very immature for his age.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with not wanting kids or even marriage. It’s actually a good thing - I wish more people would realise it’s not for them actually and reject societal pressure etc looking at the amount of dysfunctional marriages, unhappy households and poor parenting going on, but the issue is he isn’t being upfront and honest about it.

There is no hope for a happy relationship with this totally ghastly man. Get out now.

He's ashamed of you and you deserve better.

Find someone who wants what you want.

Good luck.

There are so many of these posts, near enough every day on mumsnet - with the poster saying ‘my DH/DP has done (insert breathtakingly controlling and arseholeish thing here) - AIBU?’ and I find them truly depressing as it shows just how many women there are with their self respect and standards on the floor.

This has got to be the worst one yet for me - you are a deputy headteacher, soon to be a headteacher, responsible for the wellbeing and development of scores of young girls - and you are really having to ask a load of strangers on the internet whether or not you are being unreasonable in this situation, and if this man is being reasonable? God help us all.

I am glad you are going to dump him.
He is going to string you along till your biological clock runs out and then go somewhere else.
It is not impossible to have a career and babies. That requires hugely supportive partner who sees themselves as an equal
parent and doesn’t seem daily ‘lists.’ He’s checked out even BEFORE you have conceived. He’s not going to get better.

Whatever it is he is hiding something. Whether it’s something relatively minor (no or not many friends) or something big (a wife/gf) he’s not being honest with you and that in itself is enough to finish.

I’d probably tell him rather than text because you might get some honesty (but only vis a vis if you know you won’t buckle and go back).

What a prick. Sad to hear he is actually a teacher. What a role model for young people. Not.