He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

As others have said bin him now. My DH never hid me or the fact that I got paid for working in a charity shop. I met his friends and family after six months of dating and he met mine too. He met my wider family after 8 months of dating as my cousin had a party to celebrate her 40th and the last people I met were his children. We had been seeing each other 14 months at that point and were talking about buying property together and getting married. There are so many red flags here, enough to make me think that if he isn’t married then you are not the only woman in his life otherwise why hide you as it is definitely not what your career despite what he says. He doesn’t want marriage and he doesn’t want children he is saying what he thinks you want to hear so he can keep seeing you. Dump his ass and look forward to your future free of him so you can find someone who really shares ideas and values with you.

I will warn you now op. Him saying you could just get a nanny to look after kids and focus on your career - well that tells me he wouldn’t be a good father and is most likely not interested in having kids so you will be forced to bring them up on your own. He seems extremely money oriented and obviously wants you to succeed in your career for status and possibly so he can sponge off you. I mean what job does he do to think you are beneath him???

Im always suspicious of men over 40 who have never married or had kids. There is usually a very good reason for it - usually because they can’t maintain a relationship and have been handed their arse by their ex partner!!!He has now shown his true colours and there’s your answer as to why he’s never had kids or got married.

Don’t get me wrong, not everyone wants kids or marriage but if that’s how he feels and you want kids then he isn’t compatible with you anyway.

Also, as a deputy head yourself, I would have thought that by now you would have had enough training on safeguarding to spot subtle signs of abuse, manipulation, emotional blackmail, emotional abuse and coercive behaviour.

He is 44 now and he said he wants to wait 5 years to have a family. At 49? BS. He is stringing you along. I would exit stage right.

You did something really thoughtful for him and he's pretty much just negged you, shown his true colours I think.
He doesn't want a serious relationship, you aren't on the same page, red flags are flying.
I would leave him and look for someone serious.

I am just speechless tbh.

It never ceases to amaze me how many intelligent, ambitious and all round high quality women put up with shit like this from men punching waaaaaaay above their weight.

Hang on - let me get this straight in my mind - your boyfriend of a year is holding a party and you're not invited ? That's just plain weird and actually nasty

1. his family don't know about you
2. his friends don't know about you
3. he doesn't like your friends

You've sadly got enough red flags to deck the street with bunting. He's simply not that in to you. Yep - agree with everyone else - he's telling you who he is and how he feels about you (ashamed / embarrassed). The thing about promotion is a complete red herring - he was just grabbing at straws after realising he shouldn't have mentioned the party.

Time to drop him and start afresh.

I don’t think he’s single!

BIN.

Promote yourself to single asap!

What a dick, if he isn't proud to tell his friends about you now or somehow thinks you aren't good enough as you are then he's either a dick or hiding something!

I doubt he has any friends.

It all sounds extremely fishy to me.

I'd almost be willing to bet that you are not the only woman in his life, which would explain why he doesn't want you to meet his friends or family.

I'd send him the following message:

"Dear Wanker,

You are dumped. Bugger off now."

Then block him.

I can tell you this: there is no way this man is going to marry you or have children with you. He sees you twice a week. He doesn't let you meet his friends. I doubt very much you've met his family. He was uncomfortable meeting your friends.

Are you really sure he's not already married? Are you certain? Have you been to his permanent home, not a little flat somewhere?

Don't waste any more time with this man.

Get rid. He’s showing you his true colours. He won’t improve in the long run.

He married

This is silly, but I can’t imagine my deputy head asking this question-she must be a lot older than you 😂

Id recommend a message along the lines of
"Sorry you're too old for me & my plans, so I don't want to string you along any longer. Hope you get everything you deserve in life."

@Burritowrap seriously - you’re a deputy head and you have to query your next move re this specimen? You can not be serious….

yes, duuump him, he's shown who he is

Dump him!

Oh for goodness sake op. He’s a narcissistic little twat! Maybe tell him to get a promotion seeing as he bases things on ‘status’!

Honestly, get rid of the idiot! He’s a man child. It’s one thing to have been together for a year and never met his friends/ family - that rings alarm bells in itself as to what he may be hiding but basically telling you he’s embarrassed of you in your current job and you’re only worthy of meeting his ‘friends’ if you get a promotion takes it to a whole new level.

Is this the sort of man you’d want a relationship with?? Someone who you’ll never feel you’re good enough for unless you have some sort of ‘status’? Because that’s exactly how he will make you feel.

What a wanker. I can't deal with the arrogance.

Dump and move on

he’s not that interested / you can do better

I'd be fucking him off. RIGHT NOW!

This is a man who will side swipe all of your wants and needs to prioritise his own. He is not focused on what is right, he's focused on how things LOOK.

He will be a shit long term partner, awful husband and absolutely terrible Father.

Imagine how he'd deal with one of his kids having a learning barrier or disability. What's he going to do,, refuse to let anyone meet his child until they'd passed their 11+?!

Sounds like an utter knob head.

You’re a deputy head and ‘up for promotion’ but still a few years off being a head.

What job are you up for promotion for, @Burritowrap ?

What job does he do? Teacher? TA? Deputy head? Head?

I find it worrying too that OP you are a professional woman yet allowed yourself to get blindsided by this stupid man. Even more worrying is that he is possibly a head teacher? Completely ridiculous. He's not worth it. There is nothing wrong with you but a lot wrong with him and I worry about the kids he is in charge of.