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AIBU?

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He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
carly2803 · 26/08/2024 19:16

you can do better than this frog

throw him back in the pond

fish again

fairydust11 · 26/08/2024 19:08

AquaLeader · 26/08/2024 18:00

'Up for promotion' to headteacher?

This thread is very odd

I agree.

Op - is this for a temporary acting headteacher role? I cannot see any other way of being “up for promotion” to becoming a headteacher?
Is he a headteacher?
I’m a teacher & find that chatting to new staff or teacher friends at various schools you can usually find out about people if wanted - surely asking around someone must know more about him, he must have some work friends in some schools in your locality (especially if he is arranging a party)? Someone you work with or one of your old colleagues might know one of them & be able to enlighten you more?

Either way I hope you’ve dumped him now.

imverynosey · 26/08/2024 19:05

How is this even a negotiable?? Just tell him to fuck right off the weirdo

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 26/08/2024 19:04

LakieLady · 26/08/2024 19:00

I'd be minded to send him a gift-wrapped turd, with a little card stuck into it, bearing the message "See this shit? That's you, that is. You're both dumped."

Even thinking about doing it is strangely satisfying.

You've really been played here, OP, I'm so sorry.

Obviously don’t because you can be banned from teaching for unprofessional behaviour.

DodoTired · 26/08/2024 19:02

And please take the promotion!!!!

LakieLady · 26/08/2024 19:00

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 11:02

How should I dump him? In person?

I'd be minded to send him a gift-wrapped turd, with a little card stuck into it, bearing the message "See this shit? That's you, that is. You're both dumped."

Even thinking about doing it is strangely satisfying.

You've really been played here, OP, I'm so sorry.

GivingitToGod · 26/08/2024 18:59

Kosenrufugirl · 26/08/2024 10:44

Dump him. A life partner should love you for who you are, not for your job title. Run for hills as fast as your legs would carry you would be my advice. Sorry

Agree with this entirely. Why does it matter what role/grade you are at.
This relationship is over OP, you deserve better

Gwenhwyfar · 26/08/2024 18:56

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:56

It was his birthday. He didnt want anyone to know about his age so he didnt tell anyone. So i organised a cake, gift and a nice restaurant for the two of us. Maybe it was over the top but I just thought he would appreciate it.

They why 'their' and 'them'. Is he/they non-binary?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/08/2024 18:48

ohnoi · 26/08/2024 18:45

My exclusive partner of five years recently didn't let me go to his 50th birthday party
turned out he had his OW there
do not waste your life this type of man can destroy you

Oh, no! How awful for you. 😳

DodoTired · 26/08/2024 18:45

Please don’t stay in this relationship. He is not serious about you at all

ohnoi · 26/08/2024 18:45

My exclusive partner of five years recently didn't let me go to his 50th birthday party
turned out he had his OW there
do not waste your life this type of man can destroy you

ohnoi · 26/08/2024 18:43

Please leave him

WhatNext24 · 26/08/2024 18:35

Also, what does he do at age 44 that is so impressive? Please share.

WhatNext24 · 26/08/2024 18:34

You are only in your 30s, have nearly reached the most senior level a teacher can reach (as I understand it, layperson here) and he isn't proud of you? Get rid!

Daleksatemyshed · 26/08/2024 18:28

He's 44, not married, no DC- he doesn't want those things Op. Despite what a lot of people say there's nothing wrong with not wanting to marry or have DC but you should be honest with your DP, he's not, he's leading you on. If you want DC I'd be doing a bunk Op

strawberry2017 · 26/08/2024 18:21

If he doesn't support you now and judges your career choices to the point he won't introduce you to his friends I would walk away now with my head held high. He's a knob.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/08/2024 18:18

You are in your thirties... why would you assume you are on the same page? He's 44, never married, no kids, doesn't want you to meet his friends and is controlling your family planning and career. Doesn't that give you some indication of his thoughts? Sista, don't give your power away. Continue on the career path that makes sense to you now. Drop the middle-aged loser. It's pretty obv he's been thrown back or avoided for good reason. You were unlucky to hook up with him. Throw him back. And always put your cards on the table so you don't waste your precious time.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/08/2024 18:17

YABU -why do you want to be with someone that is embarrassed by you. looks down on you and in no way sees you as an equal - let alone marry the twat?

Honourthyname7 · 26/08/2024 18:10

His love comes with conditions and he’ll always be moving the goal posts and changing up on you.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 26/08/2024 18:08

Blabla81 · 26/08/2024 15:49

Hmm. I’ve never known a school where someone can be “up for promotion” to become a head teacher. It would normally involve a rigorous interview process. Unless it’s for an acting head teacher until a permanent one is found. I could be wrong, of course. I also don’t understand how someone in a deputy head position, presumably with a high level of intelligence, needs people on the internet to tell them what to do or how to “dump” someone. 😬

Same. Head teacher roles aren't given out like that.

Zerro · 26/08/2024 18:08

Two sayings come to mind.
Never make someone a priority when you're only an option for them.
No man is worth your tears. And the one who is would never make you cry.

Also - could he be married? You haven't met his family or friends. That suggests he is hiding something.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 26/08/2024 18:04

He does not care about you
He is just filling time.

ilostmyhearttoastarshiptrouper · 26/08/2024 18:03

Hmm. People are never 'up for promotion' to a headship in a school OP. What is happening to the current head for you to know this is on the cards within the year?

Llamasinjamas · 26/08/2024 18:01

OP, Exclude him - permanently

AquaLeader · 26/08/2024 18:00

'Up for promotion' to headteacher?

This thread is very odd