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Original poster

He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2024 14:17

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It’s bizarre, isn’t it?!

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 14:07

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TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 14:06

Maria1979 · 27/08/2024 13:36

Well done. I know you would love to rub it in the poor excuse of a man's face but why even give him anymore headspace, he's not worth it.

Show quote history

Quoted wrong post - sorry

Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2024 13:44

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Since yesterday? Wow.

Things really do work very different in private schools. Had you been offered a headship and not told him?

Maria1979 · 27/08/2024 13:36

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Well done. I know you would love to rub it in the poor excuse of a man's face but why even give him anymore headspace, he's not worth it.

StopStartStop · 27/08/2024 13:32

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Congratulations!
Accept, then ditch the lowlife who doesn't value you.

Ooh, you said 'consider him dumped'. Fabulous! Well done.

ValsCupcakes · 27/08/2024 12:27

"Its interesting when people say, oh your educated and a professional!"

I really hope that this is a typo or firing off a quick response, coming from a head teacher!

AmberAlert86 · 27/08/2024 12:15

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Congratulations!

HelenWheels · 27/08/2024 12:11

excellent
absolutely too good for him !
tell him so @Burritowrap

Olika · 27/08/2024 12:10

Congratulations! Now it's time to start a new chapter in your life - new role- without him!

HazelPlayer · 27/08/2024 11:51

I would be very tempted to tell him the job is yours and what you'd like to meet his family and friends.

I bet he will make another excuse of let the meeting slide/be postponed/be vague. .. ongoing.

Because there is no way that's why he's not introducing you to them.

nosleepforme · 27/08/2024 11:33

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Congratulations!!!
lol to the ex.

Platform8 · 27/08/2024 10:35

Sorry OP but I’d be walking away now

CowTown · 27/08/2024 10:33

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 27/08/2024 10:27

In a few schools I worked in candidates were earmarked for promotions, they obviously advertised but had a candidate in mind- including SLTs positions that went not to the best, but the candidate that they wanted to get it from the start, and the process included informal prepping the chosen candidate. So I can tell you the 'rigorous recruitment process' is often corrupt and unfair and a bit of a bs.

Show quote history

Yes. And it’s terribly unfair on the unwitting “pawns” who have had to take time off work, set cover work for the day, prepare a presentation, and go through all of the emotions. When they weren’t even a viable candidate in the first place and never even stood a chance.

HappierTimesAhead · 27/08/2024 10:29

Congrats! You are on your way up and he is on his way down!

CowTown · 27/08/2024 10:27

Well done! Now you can tell him, and have him set up the meet-ups with his friends and family. See if he really meant it. (Then dump, obviously.)

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 27/08/2024 10:27

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 09:54

It doesn't work like that at private schools either though.

The appointing body (governing body/trustees) will still undertake a rigorous recruitment process and very often an external candidate will be appointed. The Deputy Head doesn't just get a tap on the shoulder because they've been in post a while and are therefore "up for promotion".

Either you have been formally offered the job, or you haven't.

Show quote history

In a few schools I worked in candidates were earmarked for promotions, they obviously advertised but had a candidate in mind- including SLTs positions that went not to the best, but the candidate that they wanted to get it from the start, and the process included informal prepping the chosen candidate. So I can tell you the 'rigorous recruitment process' is often corrupt and unfair and a bit of a bs.

SensibleSigma · 27/08/2024 10:25

Congratulations!

Original poster
Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

OP posts:
onionspring · 27/08/2024 10:16

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TheShellBeach · 27/08/2024 10:15

Well done, OP.
Did you dump him by text?
I reckon that's all he deserves.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/08/2024 10:05

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Speculative and rude.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 09:54

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 23:51

I work in the private sector so things work very differently! We know when jobs and promotions are coming up and the logical next step for a Deputy is Head. Its interesting when people say, oh your educated and a professional! You should know what to do! Teachers are human, we have the same tries and tribulations as others but we spend 12 hours a day working! Things are not always easy and navigating relationships can be testing for any profession. I know the signs of abuse, coersive control and bad behaviour, sometimes putting it to practice in your own life is hard.

I am shocked at the amount of responses - thank you to you all - consider him dumped!

It doesn't work like that at private schools either though.

The appointing body (governing body/trustees) will still undertake a rigorous recruitment process and very often an external candidate will be appointed. The Deputy Head doesn't just get a tap on the shoulder because they've been in post a while and are therefore "up for promotion".

Either you have been formally offered the job, or you haven't.

HazelPlayer · 27/08/2024 09:25

He hasn't introduced you to his family.
He hasn't introduced you to his friends.
When you say it'll be good to meet his friends, he makes up a frankly RIDICULOUS excuse as to why he won't introduce you yet.

There is literally no-one on his planet who wouldn't introduce their girlfriend to family and friends after a year because she doesn't have a particular job title yet.

It's an excuse. He cast around for any excuse under pressure and grabbed that - which is nonsensical.

(You must be a very good person all round for him to have such trouble manufacturing any excuse as to why he isn't introducing you to his family and friends).
This reminds me a small amount of a thread with a poster whose bf wouldn't take her to a BBQ with friends because she apparently didn't have fancy enough clothes with her to wear to it, he then wouldn't take her to his gym/pool (with their child) because first of all she wasn't well dressed enough and then (when she pointed out she had clean, presentable clothes on and she was only going to spectate), he said her hair wasn't "done" enough. A poster pointed out that he didn't want seen with her at the gym, I asked her if he'd ever been involved with other women and - what a shock - he'd been caught cheating with multiple women during the earlier stages of the relationship.

When men make up ludicrous excuses as to why his gf can't attend events and be seen there as his partner.... There is something going on.

He also claimed his friends don't know about his birthday; unlikely - given his other behaviour, it's more likely he had an event/meeting with them for his birthday but excluded you.

He's hiding you.

So .... Why is he making up ludicrous excuses for why you can't be introduced to his family and friends??

I can't think of many reasons other than that you're not his main partner.

There's something very sketchy going on with him. His you'll get to the bottom of it, I don't know.

Is it even worth the energy of getting to the bottom of it.

raspberryberet7 · 27/08/2024 09:24

Sethera · 26/08/2024 10:43

Tell him to fuck off. Pathetic behaviour. LTB.

This