Page 3 | Moral dilemma. What would you do?

Halftheworldawayy · 2024-08-26T09:03:29+00:00

On the train back from London I overheard the conversation of the woman sat next to me. It was her birthday and her and two friends (friend A and E) had gone to Magic Mike. Friend E had got so drunk that she fell asleep in the bar at Magic Mike and had almost got them kicked out. They went out for more drinks after the show and both friends were hammered. They got on the underground to go home, Friend E jumped off at a random stop to be sick, Friend A jumped off at a next stop to find her. Birthday girl (not hammered) stayed on the tube all the way to the train station. When birthday girl got to the station neither friend was there so she gets on the train to go home. Friend A keeps ringing her in tears saying she can’t find Friend E and birthday girl tells her to leave her and get the train as Friend E will eventually sober up and get the train herself. They also both kept trying to call Friend E and it was going to voicemail. Birthday girl felt no guilt at all about leaving her friends and repeatedly said “they needed to man up” “handle their drink better”. I do agree to a point as these women were easily late 30s/early 40s and I get how frustrating it is as a grown adult to babysit drunk adults. But I’m not sure I would have abandoned both friends.

thursdaymurderclub · 26/08/2024 11:40

wow you heard all of this? none of your business, yuo don't know the people involved and you don't know the story to be true.

mind your own business

DoopSnoggySnogg · 26/08/2024 11:40

Halftheworldawayy · 26/08/2024 11:33

😂 honestly, I sympathise with the situation as clearly none of them would have left that night feeling good. But I was gripped listening to it the whole way home and it certainly made the journey faster.

Also if you’re going to have a loud conversation in a public place then you do so knowing people are listening.

I was once sat on a small table reading my book and having a coffee at a cafe waiting for my train. A couple that were clearly now exs came and sat next to me (tables so close I could have put my arm around him) and he asked if he could take her friend out on a date. And wow that was one juicy conversation.

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But was he BU to ask about dating the friend? 😁

CalicoPusscat · 26/08/2024 11:39

I wouldn't be able to leave a paralytic girlfriend

silentassassin · 26/08/2024 11:38

Changingplace · 26/08/2024 10:18

I had a friend once who would pull this kind of shit regularly, it becomes utterly maddening to have every night out ruined by someone getting shitfaced and needing babysitting.

What could actually be done if the phone wasn’t being answered? Yes people technically should stay together but I can also completely see a scenario where I’d think fuck this and get the train home rather than be stranded as well.

Why should the sober person be the only one that has to have their night ruined, I’d bet this wasn’t the first time this kind of nonsense had happened.

Urgh this. Look, I wouldnt have just abandoned my friend due to safety reasons but honestly, I had a friend that would pull this shit every time we went out and I got fed up of having to babysit her constantly.

We all overdo it sometimes but when you get hammered every single time and your more sober friends have to literally carry you home and hold your hair back whilst you vomit up kebab all over the pavement it gets old very quickly. It's especially rude to expect someone to take full responsibility for you on their bloody birthday.

So no, I wouldnt have left her but equally, I would absolutely stop going out with people who cant handle their drink or always get smashed because its pathetic to have to be your friend's bloody babysitter every time you go out. It's selfish AF.

Soubriquet · 26/08/2024 11:37

I couldn’t leave a friend like that even if it was a common occurance. I mean hell I once tucked in a passed out 17 year old girl in my bed who I didn’t even know because I didn’t think it was fair to leave her in a state as she was.

BabaYetu · 26/08/2024 11:35

You would have loved my mum, OP! She would shush us in restaurants if the conversation at the next table was more interesting
😂😂😂

Original poster

Halftheworldawayy · 26/08/2024 11:33

Riapia · 26/08/2024 11:26

Ear-wigging is one of life’s little pleasures, fortunately it’s entirely free.
Much better than TV, it’s free. Love it
😉😁😁😁.

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😂 honestly, I sympathise with the situation as clearly none of them would have left that night feeling good. But I was gripped listening to it the whole way home and it certainly made the journey faster.

Also if you’re going to have a loud conversation in a public place then you do so knowing people are listening.

I was once sat on a small table reading my book and having a coffee at a cafe waiting for my train. A couple that were clearly now exs came and sat next to me (tables so close I could have put my arm around him) and he asked if he could take her friend out on a date. And wow that was one juicy conversation.

OP posts:

Lms63738 · 26/08/2024 11:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

user1471538275 · 26/08/2024 11:33

So if I was birthday girl I would stay at the train station for the next train to get in, giving A and E time to get there.

In fact it this only 8pm then I would be prepared to wait until the last train home but no longer.

I think A was foolish to jump off the tube - it is most likely that E got on the next tube after being sick and so would not be there. She has made the situation worse not better.

I would text/voicemail E to say - waiting at X station on platform Q

I would ring A and advise to come to the train station.

I think this is the most likely scenario to get everyone back together.

A has likely missed E in the journey back to the previous stop and is now looking pointlessly in the wrong place.

If the tube is in a tunnel the phone won't connect but a message will get through after - so E should know what is happening.

I would go and have a look at the tube entrance to the mainline station to see if I could see E staggering about.

LoremIpsumCici · 26/08/2024 11:32

Halftheworldawayy · 26/08/2024 11:21

I don’t know, They were at Magic Mike when the friend was falling asleep afterwards in the theatre bar, so it’s going to be predominantly a female audience. Seems less likely to be spiked there than a random bar.

Also I’m in my 30s and definitely don’t want to be referred to as “an older woman” 👵🏻

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Well you are older than an 18/20 something year old and presumably not as naive.

Im in my 50s, and you will always be a younger woman to me, but to the 22yr old clubbing, you’re at the older end. There is also a recent trend of young misogynist lads targeting women in your age bracket for a laugh as opposed to targeting a 19yr old for eventual rape.

BabaYetu · 26/08/2024 11:31

Tough luck on E. She jumped off the tube leaving the others behind, without a phone there’s no way for the others to find her.

She might have hopped back on the next tube, she might have left the tube station to buy some water, she might have done something else entirely.

Two more (probably rather pissed) women roaming around trying to find her in Central London isn’t going to help.

Had E not left the train suddenly, yes, I’d say they should stick together. But E made that impossible.

Calamitousness · 26/08/2024 11:30

That sounds like they could have all got off to allow E to be sick. I’d have done that and stuck together.
she can’t have been totally incapacitated if she could determine not to just be randomly sick.

LoremIpsumCici · 26/08/2024 11:29

Boxoo · 26/08/2024 11:19

I don't think it's that unusual these days. The friend I mentioned upthread who I stopped going out with was 35 when I'd finally had enough of her. From what I hear she's still the same Mid 40s.
I have another friend of a friend who claims she's been spiked at least 5 times. She hasn't. She's just always got so drunk. It's funny how on nights out its always her who gets "spiked" and coincidentally her who drinks the most.
Another friend claimed she was spiked years ago. But another friend was at the hospital with her. The drug test came back negative to all known spiking agents. They said just alcohol. But over 20 years later she still talks about that time she was "spiked".
I think if you've ever been to a take that concert or similar you'd be surprised at how many women 40+ get drunk as skunks puking and passing out.

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Fair enough if not that unusual these days.

Alcohol is the #1 spiking agent used. It’s far more common than spiking with illegal drugs. It’s why spiking is defined as “adding alcohol or drugs” to a person’s drink. Spiking with alcohol can make your usual drink equivalent to 4-5 drinks.

SoMauveMonty · 26/08/2024 11:29

TequilaNights · 26/08/2024 10:11

All 3 should have stuck together, especially with friend E who is impaired and can be taken advantage of, or end up in a dangerous situation.

Edited

This. Doesn't really matter how old the women are, someone so drunk they're vomiting is vulnerable, and unfortunately being female makes her more so, adding in risk of assault/rape to general risk of falling/choking etc
Even if i was really pee'd off they were so drunk, i wouldn't leave a friend in those circs

Calamitousness · 26/08/2024 11:28

I’d have probably got off the tube with friend A and attempted to find E together. If we failed I’d have called her husband or whomever is waiting at home for her (if someone is) and let them know she’d got off tube and couldn’t find her and then got the train home with E. what else could they do?

Original poster

Halftheworldawayy · 26/08/2024 11:28

5128gap · 26/08/2024 11:19

Not quite following the logistics of tubes and trains here, but when it comes to a woman's safety there is no dilemma, moral or otherwise. You have to do all you can to make sure they're OK. Then you give them one more chance not to put you in that position again. If they do do it again you don't go out with them again when they'll be drinking.

No it is a bit confusing. From what I gathered they all got on the tube and one of them said she was going to be sick, demanded a paper bag, no one had one and she jumped off at whatever the next stop was. Birthday girl even said “I wasn’t jumping off after her”

For whatever reason the next friend got off at the next stop. Assuming this was to find the friend? She was also drunk so probably not thinking logically

Birthday woman got to St Pancras, made the assumption both friends would be there too, they weren’t. She tried to call but neither answered (guess maybe they were still on the tube so had no signal) and birthday woman just got on the next train home.

She was clearly pissed off with how they had both acted and wanted to go home. But I don’t know the background so no idea whether her friends getting shitfaced every time they go out is the standard.

OP posts:

Riapia · 26/08/2024 11:26

MamaNell · 26/08/2024 10:06

I would stop ear-wigging on other people's conversations and then judging them. You don't know them or any of the back story.

Ear-wigging is one of life’s little pleasures, fortunately it’s entirely free.
Much better than TV, it’s free. Love it
😉😁😁😁.

violetsparkle · 26/08/2024 11:25

MamaNell · 26/08/2024 10:06

I would stop ear-wigging on other people's conversations and then judging them. You don't know them or any of the back story.

This really. And then using it as a "moral dilemma" to discuss on mumsnet.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 26/08/2024 11:25

Ideally you'd try to stop the first one getting off the tube. Seems weird that they didn't. But yes stick together - the second two should've got off together to go back. Hopefully friend was just sitting on the platform waiting. But I'd only put up with this behaviour once. You only get that bladdered if you're totally confident that your friends will look after you. But you shouldn't put them in that position. What if no one is the sensible one? It's different if you can stagger home or sleep on the sofa.

Viviennemary · 26/08/2024 11:22

This is far too complicated. Keep it simple in future. Your life will be easier.

Original poster

Halftheworldawayy · 26/08/2024 11:21

LoremIpsumCici · 26/08/2024 11:09

The one who was sick and not answering her phone could have had her drink spiked.
Some lads do it to older women for a laugh.
Most women in their 30/40s know their limits, so it is very unusual for a woman of that maturity to have gotten hammered to point of passing out and sick.

I don’t know, They were at Magic Mike when the friend was falling asleep afterwards in the theatre bar, so it’s going to be predominantly a female audience. Seems less likely to be spiked there than a random bar.

Also I’m in my 30s and definitely don’t want to be referred to as “an older woman” 👵🏻

OP posts:

samarrange · 26/08/2024 11:19

dudsville · 26/08/2024 10:11

I wonder if this kind of scenario is used in ethics classes nowadays, replacing the old one of a train going down one of two tracks, one has a baby, the other a family, what do you do, or some such.

Ah, the trolley problem. It turns out that a very large number of ethical questions can be reduced to that.

Maybe this story could lead to a mashup. If you pull the lever then E throws up on a baby but if you don't she throws up on David Attenborough.

AgileGreenSeal · 26/08/2024 11:19

Sethera · 26/08/2024 10:09

I think all three should have stuck together.

This.
number one rule of nights out.
stay together

reconsidering friendships/ future plans can be done later.

5128gap · 26/08/2024 11:19

Not quite following the logistics of tubes and trains here, but when it comes to a woman's safety there is no dilemma, moral or otherwise. You have to do all you can to make sure they're OK. Then you give them one more chance not to put you in that position again. If they do do it again you don't go out with them again when they'll be drinking.

Boxoo · 26/08/2024 11:19

LoremIpsumCici · 26/08/2024 11:09

The one who was sick and not answering her phone could have had her drink spiked.
Some lads do it to older women for a laugh.
Most women in their 30/40s know their limits, so it is very unusual for a woman of that maturity to have gotten hammered to point of passing out and sick.

I don't think it's that unusual these days. The friend I mentioned upthread who I stopped going out with was 35 when I'd finally had enough of her. From what I hear she's still the same Mid 40s.
I have another friend of a friend who claims she's been spiked at least 5 times. She hasn't. She's just always got so drunk. It's funny how on nights out its always her who gets "spiked" and coincidentally her who drinks the most.
Another friend claimed she was spiked years ago. But another friend was at the hospital with her. The drug test came back negative to all known spiking agents. They said just alcohol. But over 20 years later she still talks about that time she was "spiked".
I think if you've ever been to a take that concert or similar you'd be surprised at how many women 40+ get drunk as skunks puking and passing out.