To think I’m going to have to give up work

Look at your household income/outgoings-would it be doable if your salary was no longer in the mix?

How old are your kids?

How old are the kids? Assuming they're in nursery 3 days a week, could you stay in work until kicking out time then pick kids up, give them easy tea, quick play, bed?

Do some work on your days off while they're watching TV.
Do the rest on the weekend.
Bare minimum housework, until kids are old enough to help.

It's a shit time, but it's doable and really doesn't last forever. I've marked many an essay at 6 on a Saturday morning whilst the dc watched cbeebies. In fact, there's probably not a playcentre or leisure centre i haven't worked in either. But that was only a few years. You kind of have to grit your teeth and get on with it for 6 or 7 weeks until the next break.

If your DH’s job is so demanding that he’s not ever there at bedtimes or in the mornings or at weekends then he should be earning a shedload to the extent that you can have the choice of not working or working and buying in help.

Sounds like you have a DH problem tbh

Depends how old your children are. Presumably they will become less demanding re bedtimes and very early starts if they’re little now. I’ve been there though. In retrospect I can’t believe I didn’t get a cleaner so at least I knew bathrooms, kitchens were clean, outsource ironing if you need to. If they’re at school, it is the one job that saves you the hassle and cost of finding care in the holidays.

If you really can’t do it, quit. At present teachers are leaving at such a rate that if you take a few years off you’ll be snapped up when you do return.

Sleep train the children.

then at least you’ll have more time in the evening.
i made that mistake with DS1, not letting him self-soothe earlier, but even he would just have bath, story and a cuddle and then I’d leave him to fall asleep.

Absolutely agree don’t give up working altogether, it offers so much if you can find the right role.
If money related to your role isn’t critical, could you take a pay cut and do a support role in a school for a couple of years?

He doesn't need to go part time. He either needs to adjust his current job so he can be at home more or he needs a different job that allows this.

If neither of these are possible then another option is to pay for some sort of childcare that gives you more time to work - I appreciate that evening childcare might be difficult to source, but it's something to investigate.

Like a PP says, it's funny how men's jobs are seemingly so inflexible but women always seem to be able to make it work or it's their career entirely that is sacrificed if it can't.

I know that in your case he earns more but statistically, women earn as much if not more than men until they start taking time out of work to raise children. That's something that needs to change and the way to do it is for men to start doing an equal share of domestic work and childcare so it's not always women doing this on top of their job.

It will be better when they go back next week, you'll have one day to do school stuff and another to do house stuff.

Bulk cook or invest in a slow cooker and rice cooker to make meals in advance and as quick as possible. I used to take marking to swimming lessons or sit in the car with a small guillotine prepping resources for the next day while DD was at dance with a show downloaded on my iPad and coffee to feel like I had some semblance of adult time.

You don't need to give up work completely, you could trade teaching for full time TA, so you get an income, holidays off, some sort of pension and sick pay (unlike supply I presume) and no after school prep, £1k a month is better than £0.

I left teaching and moved to a public service role but that's only manageable as DD is a teen and doesn't need childcare during the holidays.

Sorry my previous post is teaching (ha!) granny to suck eggs.

What I would do is stick it out this term if you can, then either give supply a whirl, and, oh my goodness, you'll be in demand for that, or sign up with several job agencies.

You sound like I felt before I made my big jump. There is life on the outside, I promise.

What is it you're struggling with exactly? How old are the children and what are your working hours?

But you are contemplating losing your income all together. He doesn't need to go part-time, he just needs to share looking after his kids like any other full-time working parent has to do. You need to have the same expectations of him as you do any other parent. If he wants to work loads then he will have to do some of it when the kids are asleep.

Sympathy! If you’re a teacher I do understand that you can’t just tell your employer that you'll work contracted hours only, as some have suggested - teaching doesn’t work like that because you need to be prepared for the following day.

But it sounds as if your life would be a lot easier if you didn’t have to spend hours getting your children settled at night. I would work on their bedtime routine. If they’re young enough to like reward charts etc., use those. If they’re older, they’re old enough to be told not to disturb you unless it’s really necessary. Has bedtime always been a problem, or are they unsettled only since you went back to work? You should get a couple of hours to yourself in the evenings.

OP didn't clarify she was a teacher in her first post.

@itfeelsstupid how old are your children? A better question to ask yourself is what is better for your children. Is it a mother who is absent emotionally because she is exhausted and stressed, or a mother who is present and happy?
If you can afford it (even if your material lifestyle suffers for it) you should absolutely give up work.
Good luck in whatever decision you make.

@itfeelsstupid people can be very quick to blame a DP or DH for not being a responsible parent. In some cases that’s true but in others it’s not. In our situation, it’s a case of logistics not working and the best option for our family is me to give up work for now rather than DP going part time. I could put my foot down and say he needs to go part time so I can carry on with my career but we’d be financially much worse off so it makes no sense. It sounds like your situation is similar.

I completely understand-looking through social media at the moment, there at a lot of teachers dreading having to get back on the hamster wheel.

Are you primary/secondary? It is a jobshare? Could you drop to 2 days and take the pressure off a bit?

As a PP said, part time teaching isn't. Looking at my past colleagues, unless you are very determined and great at self-advocacy the hours become the same as some full-time jobs.

You are expected to do the staff meetings, clubs, parents' evenings etc - IME these are never pro-rata, then the planning, pastoral work, marking and assessment just creep into the days you're not working.

From a position of compassion, reading your post, you would be happier with a different job whilst the children are small. You will be able to go back into the profession when the children are older. You will be surprised how many transferrable skills you have (I was!).

Good luck, OP.

He doesn't necessarily need to go part time he just needs to find a way to make working and parenting work. You both need to change the mindset that the children are your problem. They are 50% his kids so he needs to ensure they are fed and minded just as much as you. I know you are overwhelmed but the reason you are getting these responses is that you wrote off any involvement from him on page one. Even if he's on an oil rig he can take on some of the mental load of sorting this out. You sound exhausted .

Is there any chance of being signed off for a week or two ?

Also it may be worth some blood
tests ? (Iron level , thyroid etc) just in case there’s something minor going on but sometimes those minor things although easily fixed cause significant issues

It sounds like you don’t need to reduce your hours, but you’re feeling forced to because your husband doesn’t want to parent his own children or look after his own home. Have you asked him why he actively chose to become a parent, yet has decided to opt of being a responsible parent?

I've got three teacher friends who have left teaching in the last three years. One does event planning, one is a term time only pre-school teacher and one friend now works as a high level TA. All really happy in their new jobs although quite a big pay drop for the TA and pre-school teacher. Another friend has worked as a TA for 10 years (no teacher degree) and has just been promoted to be a cover teacher three days a week so seems like you could take years out of teaching and then return when things are easier at home.

Yes this!
I was (still am) a single parent working 4 days a week (workload of full time), totally knackered all the time plus the considerable mental strain of being the bread winner.
It does get easier as they get older.