I don't get it? I need help understanding 😔

Sounds like they didn't want to invite you, but knew you would be "livid" so they lied.

They shouldn't have lied, but you sound WAY too emotional about this.

Family members are entitled to spend time with other family members without inviting anyone... in fact it is healthy to foster individual relationships.

And, um. Cancel the cheque?.. ..maybe?
Definitely ducks in a row.
And a nice cup of camomile to calm you down.

@KEvLA I can't work out if you're deranged or just drunk!

Perhaps re-read the post when sober and edit???

It just comes across as jealousy that you're not having an abroad holiday this year.

Yes it is. Why? It's his parents and his sister. He should have disowned them years ago /jk

As we know us women go into lioness mode and our children are our world and I'll do anything to protect their feelings. My son is so intelligent , he'll be confused, upset or who knows?
There is absolutely no need to go into lioness mode over a holiday, however it IS your job to teach your children how to manage expectations and disappointments. It seems your parents forgot to do this.

You'll like it even less when you'll find, like me, that the OP hasn't been back and the thread is 6 pages deep.

And thanks to other posters for deciphering it all. I pity the poor OP's DH.

I suspect English isn't the OP'S first language and this phrase might be a literal translation of an idiom in her first language.

I'm afraid your post is very difficult to understand. Is it that you’re furious because your in-laws had a holiday together without inviting you? If so, I understand that you’re hurt that they apparently deceived you about it, but tbh if what you’ve written is typical of the way you react to disappointment I’m not surprised they tried to avoid all the histrionics by hiding it from you.

To be 'absolutely livid' because your in-laws had a holiday without you, and your five-year-old didn’t get the holiday with his cousins he would have enjoyed, is ridiculous. I hope you're not encouraging your children to feel hard-done-by and hold a grievance against their grandparents.

I don’t think that’s necessarily even the case? As I understand it, the SIL said she was going to holiday with friends at her parents’ holiday home this year, and the OP was fine with that and made other arrangements. She went ‘LIVID’ only when she saw her PILs were also at the property, in a separate little house — they say they had a cancellation and decided to go there earlier than planned, hence overlapping with their daughter and her friends.

It’s not clear what the SIL thinks of this. She might not be thrilled at her parents’ unexpected presence on her holiday with friends, if it’s true they decided to go unexpectedly. Both parties say the PILs aren’t going up to the main house much. The OP thinks they’re lying, and that they’re lying about having decided to go unexpectedly after a cancellation, and that she and her family were excluded from a family holiday.

I don’t see that there’s any evidence for one reading of the situation over the other, on what I understand of the OP.

It doesn’t on the face of it seem at all unlikely that the PILs had a cancellation at the little house and decided to travel earlier than planned, and to be deliberately keeping away from their daughter and friends at the main house to give them some privacy.

I don’t get it. You said that they said they were having a holiday with a friend’s family this year and, originally, that suited you because you wanted to holiday alone with with your DH and DC at an all inclusive near your family abroad. So you didn’t say to them you’d like to do a family holiday too or come along for your DC to see their DC or grandparents because you were also happy holidaying alone.

Then because you looked last minute at all inclusive holidays and they were out of your budget you’re now livid that you don’t get to go abroad with your in laws who you didn’t even plan to see originally when you were going to holiday alone?

Sounds like poor planning and communication on your part OP

Oh, that makes more sense. I wasn’t grasping why the OP appeared to fume only when a photo suggested her PILs were also present at what is, after all, apparently their second home.

So the SIL had forewarned the OP that she wasn’t doing a family holiday this year, but had invited friends to stay with her and her children at her parents’ holiday home, and the OP was fine with that until she discovered that she couldn’t afford her own AI AND that her PILs were also at their holiday property, where they have a separate house on the grounds, because they’d had a cancellation (presumably the rent it out) and decided on impulse to go early? And this is unfair because they live 300 miles away from her children at home, and don’t visit much, but suddenly become amazing at the holiday home? And because the SIL’s children will tell the OP’s they saw their grandparents?

And then there’s a lot of world salad about ‘brilliant affectionate hands’ and ‘SMH’.

And the OP is LIVID , even though they’ve booked a holiday for early September, though it’s not clear if it’s at the PILs’s house or elsewhere.

Thanks @CandiedPrincess

Op there's no point in getting angry. They wanted to go on holiday together and for whatever reason, didn't want to tell you.

It doesn't matter that they live close. People live with their own families and go on holiday together. So what? They enjoy their time together and want to go away.

The fact they were secretive about it is what's hurtful and you have to figure out the reason.

Did they want to avoid upsetting you and dh?
Did they know you'd react like this?
Do they just not want to spend time with you and dh?
Do they just get on well and have a nice dynamic that they wanted to keep?
Are they mean and horrible and is it better that you and dh start to have less contact?

Put your energy into going forward and stop being angry about it.

So essentially your sil and pils went on a mini family holiday, lied about it by saying they were holidaying with friends this year

You didn't book anything but managed to get a late booking for Sept. You saw the sil/pils holiday pics on Facebook and now the inlaws are defensive after being found out

Thankyou.

You're wasting your time being livid OP. For whatever reason they wanted their own group. It's not nice being left out. Enjoy the holiday you've booked and let it go

Yabu.

Your sil is entitled to go on holiday with her friends without inviting you.

Your in laws are entitled to use their own holiday home whenever they want to, even if sil is there and you are not.

Dont let their photos and holiday spoil what is left of the summer holidays, look forwards to your holiday in September and move on

In summary...

The text is a personal account from a mother of three children (9 months, 3 years, and 5 years old) who is upset about a recent situation involving her in-laws. The family usually goes on holiday together at the in-laws’ second home abroad. However, this year, her sister-in-law (SIL) planned a holiday with friends instead. Due to high prices, the author’s family postponed their own travel plans but later booked a trip to the in-laws’ house for early September.

Unexpectedly, the author discovered through a Facebook post that her in-laws were already staying there with the SIL and her children without informing or inviting her family. The author feels hurt because her children, who rarely see their grandparents, missed an opportunity for quality time with them. She is particularly upset as her children enjoy the attention they receive from their grandparents during these trips abroad, which is different from their interactions back home.

When confronted, the in-laws downplayed the situation, saying it was just a friend’s trip organized by the SIL. The author’s husband tried to express his hurt but was dismissed, leaving him feeling down.

The author is struggling with anger and concerns about how her children, especially the 5-year-old, will react if they learn about the situation. She feels conflicted about whether her feelings are justified and seeks advice to cope with the disappointment without causing further strain on her family.

@ILuvfur5
I think that’s accurate apart from who lives where. Op lives 300 miles away from her in laws. SIL, BIL, MIL, FIL all live close to one another. That’s why she’s distressed. It feels like her children and dh are an afterthoughts.

They probably asked ChatGPT to turn it into gobbledygook that nobody can understand.....

This sounds like a lot of fuss about nothing. Are you just upset because you didn't get a free holiday?

I asked ChatGPT to clarify this and copied and pasted the OP.

It came up with this:
Certainly! Here’s a clearer, more organized version of your message:

Introduction:

•	I have a 9-month-old son (DS), a 3-year-old daughter (DD), and a 5-year-old son (DS).
•	I have a great relationship with my in-laws, and my kids have a wonderful bond with their cousins, especially my 5-year-old son, who considers them his best friends.

Background:

•	My sister-in-law (SIL) has an 8-year-old son, a 5-year-old son, and a 2-year-old child.
•	My in-laws (PIL) own a second home abroad, which has been in the family since the 1990s.
•	Normally, we all go on a family holiday together at this home.

Current Situation:

•	This year, my SIL decided to go on a holiday with friends instead of our usual family holiday. They booked their trip for August, which worked out for us because we planned to visit my family abroad.
•	However, the prices for an all-inclusive holiday were too high, so we decided to wait until next year to travel.

Our Plan:

•	My husband was determined to still have a holiday abroad, so we booked a week at my in-laws’ house in early September. My kids were excited to use the pool and spend time at their grandparents’ second home.

The Discovery:

•	I noticed my father-in-law (FIL) in a Facebook photo posted by my SIL, which surprised me. I assumed he had impulsively decided to visit for the weekend.
•	Then, I found out that both of my in-laws were actually there, staying in their little house on the property.

Why I’m Upset:

•	My children don’t see their grandparents often, even though we live only 300 meters away from them. When we do visit them abroad, my kids love spending time with their grandparents, who are very affectionate and attentive.
•	My in-laws seem more engaged when we’re abroad than when we’re at home, so these trips are very special for my kids.
•	However, on this trip, my in-laws are spending time with my SIL and her kids, essentially having a mini-family holiday without us. They didn’t inform us or invite us to join, which feels like a betrayal.
•	When we questioned them about it, they dismissed our concerns, saying it was just a “friend’s holiday” organized by my SIL.
•	My husband tried to express his feelings about the situation but was told he was unjustified and guilt-tripping them, which left him hurt and upset.

My Concerns:

•	I’m furious because this was a missed opportunity for my children to spend quality time with their grandparents, especially since they don’t get to go on a summer holiday abroad this year.
•	I worry that my kids, particularly my 5-year-old, will be confused and hurt if they learn about this from their cousins.
•	I’m also struggling because I don’t want to burden my husband with my feelings when he’s already feeling down about the situation.

AIBU (Am I Being Unreasonable)?

•	I don’t think I’m being unreasonable for feeling this way. As a mother, I want to protect my children’s feelings, and I’m deeply disappointed by how this situation has played out.
•	I’m seeking advice because this is really bothering me, and I don’t want it to fester inside me.

This version is organized into sections, making it easier to read and understand the situation.

The original is definitely not written by ChatGPT!

I’m not sure if this is an accurate summary but it’s done it’s best with the limited info it had.

If I understand this correctly, your SIL said she was using the house for a friends holiday, so no big family holiday this year. But then you are pictures that show it was a family holiday, but one that was initially kept secret from you and you weren’t invited to? And the grandparents live 300 miles away from you, while SIL lives close to them, so it would have been nice if the GP had wanted to see your kids

Unless OP comes back and clarifies then I'm not sure it's comprehensible.

Only thing is that it's OK to feel a bit hurt but at the same time OP should not automatically expect a guaranteed holiday there. It's PIL's house.

The title of this thread sums up my response to it.

I’ve been trying to decipher it and the all inclusive is the bit that’s confusing me as well.

I’ve read this twice now and still none the wiser, I was worried I was having a stroke or something 😂.

Me too.

I must say that if the OP in person is anything like her post (voluble, fuming, totally incoherent, over the top as an opera), she’s not someone I’d fancy as a holiday companion.

But despite the incredible length and wealth of irrelevant detail, you’ve left out all the important details. Had you asked your SIL if she wanted to go to your PILs at the same time — is this what you usually do? Don’t you have to wait for an invitation from your PILs, whose house it is? Your SIL said she was going on holiday with friends this year — but why is this relevant? Couldn’t you still go to your Pils’ house without her? You were initially fine with your SIL going on holiday with friends and planned to have your own separate foreign holiday, until you found out you couldn’t afford it. Then you saw on SM that your SIL was holidaying at your PILs’ house, and that your PILs were present, and went apeshit, but it’s not clear whether this is because you feel your PILs should have invited you, or because of the ‘beautiful’ relationship your kids have with their cousins? You’re completely incoherent.