Have people become chronically competitive and is this leading to social isolation

I think it may be, especially given how long the first period of restrictions in 2020 was (owing to them being introduced later than they should have been, and the way they were lifted).

I wonder how much this is an impact of lockdown - with people being isolated and spending much more time on social media ?

I do think that the way people talk to one another on here is a lot more confrontational than in the past and I guess that this spills over into real life - especially if someone is in a WFH role or something like a delivery driver where they work alone and less need for, and practice of, polite chit-chat.

Something else I sense is that I feel a bit too lively and bubbly. I would never have said that 10 years ago. I’m not that chatty. I thought I was just normal or average or whatever word you want to use.

But now being averagely chatty seems OTT so I have to hold back.

This in turn makes me feel self-conscious. Perhaps it’s a side-effect of the art of conversation being lost.

In Scotland it started with the 2014 independence referendum, in the rest of the UK I think the Brexit decision was the starting point. Covid added to it.

I think people constantly feel judged or everything becomes about them, of social media etc. Or It just feels like it

To a lot of people everything others does they turn on to themselves, not sure if it is narcissistic but seems to get worse

This is very interesting…as I am a lecturer, and so are my closest friends! Other friends are teachers or scientists or accountants. Lots of people who work in the Arts around me too.

The “behaviour” doesn’t happen as much in my friendship circles (but everyone is in the zombie walking dead baby/toddler phase so that’s a challenge in itself) but it’s more in face to face hobbies or discussion groups like Serty mentioned. Anecdotally, I’ve found it much more common in people from around 58 - 78.

I never made the link between our jobs, sources of information and the accompanying mindset…but now you’ve brought it up, it makes perfect sense. I get very frustrated when peoples’ primary source of information is social media. TikTok, YouTube, Facebook etc. Or Fake News sites/channels. I’ve not been appreciative of the fact that for me, and the bulk of my friends/peers, we can sniff out poor sources of information without any conscious effort. We just know, “this is a load of tosh!” and disregard it. There’s a filtration that naturally happens, thanks to years of training.

Pamela at Weight Watchers who “read an interesting thing on FB from Britain First and was listening to Nigel Farage on GB News and he made some wonderful points about migrants and why they’ve led to the decline in society”, genuinely doesn’t know that we have to have a reliable source before we can trust that information is correct…or that opinions are opinions and not facts.

I completely agree that often, especially these days, no information is better than the wrong information!

There is too much information now, I worked in public and academic libraries for most of my career. A lot of the information isn’t exactly peer researched or correct. They are just thoughts that tumble out of peoples heads. Also people can have an idea or see something they like or wonder about something and find people online who actively agree with them, maybe even preach that stance, view or whatever. I remember one lecturer always saying no information is better than the wrong information.

The other aspect is just good old fashioned manners being lost isn’t it. Talking so openly about money is incredibly vulgar or was in the UK. I’m from a far more direct culture but was born and raised here so understand the differences. I will guarantee that the people bragging so freely about their cruise costs are nouveau riche.

On a personal level I don’t come across people like this. I have long term friends and none are like this. Most of my friends are academics, librarians, civil servants, social workers and school teachers. I belong to three hiking and waking groups and no such people there nor at the community allotment I used to volunteer on. Or the lunch club I volunteer at.

Do you think different social circles/hobbies would make a difference?

I’ve wondered if maybe people who spend more time connected to the “real” world might be less “instazombie”…so maybe hikers/ramblers? Gardeners? Or are most people just a lost cause these days?

You’re absolutely right about the voice thing. I commented about it too on a thread last week about young people talking like AI.

And yes, people are becoming what they are watching online. I don’t “do” social media other than MN, I’m wondering if not consuming as much is meaning it feels odder for me than people who are in the online thick of it.

I think the art of communication has been lost. People do often communicate in a very braggy, uncouth way these days and don't ask questions.

I really agree with this. I saw a couple of friends last week, and all of them just talked at me! I hardly got a word in! Sometimes I am ok with that but this time I felt quite annoyed as I would have liked to have had a conversation rather than listen to a monologue!

@PerkyMintDeer One reason for the Truman show feeling, I think, is that people are absorbing the things that they consume.

I sometimes can’t tell the difference between an AI voice and a real voice. It’s rare- I’m normally pretty sure which is which because of that strange delivery and intonation that AI often has.

That pattern is now affecting human speech, IMHO.

Sorry OP, that particular thing is probably stretching too far from your original point.

@lolit did anyone ask them to focus on the game?

It's all social media and being terminally online. Lots of people, especially young people, barely socialise in real life and work from home, so they don't get to live in the real world much. So when they are in the real world, they either don't know how to act, so they "perform being human" like Perky said, or they act the way they do on social media where everything is black and white.

I also noticed people not knowing how to communicate with fellow humans. I was at a board game night recently and someone went on and on about politics. I was thinking seriously, we are here to play board games! And they just don't see it. No self awereness whatsoever.

I agree with the notion that I can see why people just stop bothering eventually and become hermits, because people are simply exhausting.

I think there is a stunning lack of self awareness.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a horror story as I'm the only one who notices/realises.

So many people seem...a bit less human and more like they are playing some sort of role. Truman show-esque. Performing being a person.

Now I sound like a conspiracy theorist! But it is all very uncanny valley.

@sertey ” My God, what has happened to people??”

thank you for saying that. It took me a long time to understand that it wasn’t that I had changed. And periodically, I still blame myself!

@PerkyMintDeer Someone here described people as having two modes now - they’re either in “transmit” or in “receive”. I thought that was a really good way to describe it. Even people who are actually quite nice are going about conversation in that way.

I don’t get a lot of social interaction, but even I have noticed it’s become an issue with people wanting to talk about politics or religion or things I don’t like to chat about it a casual conversation.

I’ve also lost a friend to extreme conspiracy theory.

@Echobelly i can only speak for my own experience but in my parents generation, people working very long hours, working two jobs commuting, they still saw community and friendship as being important. They probably spent less money on socialising because it wasn’t considered necessary to do much more than pop to the pub or have tea and biscuits at home.

I do agree that generation had more physical space to have people around. But again if I look at my own experience, it was a norm to have people round for just a casual drink or a cup of tea in a very small flat. That doesn’t seem to be something many people want to do now.

There were wars in the past. My grandad told me about one that happened when he was a kid - the German’s bombed his local fish and chip shop.

I think the art of communication has been lost. People do often communicate in a very braggy, uncouth way these days and don't ask questions.

I was really enjoying the social side of my little Weight Watchers group until recently...I noticed a few people insisted on telling me things in a way that didn't reflect very well on them and in a way that I can't recall people ever did in the past, i.e.

"We've booked a cruise for next year, it's to the Mediterranean. I understand not everyone can afford it, as it cost us four and a half thousand pounds, but I won't apologise for spending money on ourselves and making the most of life. Just because other people can't afford it, it doesn't mean we should go without."

It was said in a very boasty way, by a woman I hadn't actually spoken to before. I didn't have the heart to tell her I went on the exact same ship and itinerary last year and didn't enjoy it at all! I just nodded, smiled and "played the poor relation" as that was clearly what she was hoping for.

I thought it was a one off but then last week, a totally different woman I'd never spoke to plonked herself beside me and started going on about her daughter (same age as me, doesn't even live in the UK, no chance I'll ever meet her), spending £5.5k on trip to Tuscany and how she was now off on an even more expensive holiday in Marbella. Again, I made sympathetic, impressive oohs and ahhs noises all while wondering why she was bragging about how much her daughter was spending on holidays to me. She didn't even go into details about activities or details of the holidays, just the price. Nor did she ask me any questions about myself. Just an endless boast. Then the woman on the other side started going on in detail about her new kitchen and exactly how much everything had cost (£90 for a tea towel rail! etc).

I was glad to escape, only to have another woman, who I'd actually been really enjoying getting to know over about three weeks, then starting to talk to me about religion in the car park. I (kindly) made it clear I was uncomfortable talking about religion due to some religious trauma and struggles I had in that area. She then went on to be hugely insulting about the religion I was raised in. Then shared some absolutely shocking views/conspiracy theories on the Israeli/Palestinian crisis (including that she was funding quite a dubious organisation), complained that her "woke" daughter went through a period of not talking to her because of those abhorrent views (I can see why), then insisted on praying over me and telling me we were living in "end times". I actually had a cry as soon as I got in the car as it was all just really intrusive and too much and I couldn't get away from her. (I'll add that I'm ND, so not all that skilled at being able to extrapolate myself from uncomfortable situations). She was very much a "one true way-er" and "everyone needs to wake up to the reality!" person.

All at bloody Weight Watchers. I can see why people just stop bothering eventually and become hermits. I'm not going this week and might switch groups.

I, like a PP, was raised that it's best not to talk about politics or religion socially (or football as at the time we lived in an area where there was a lot of sectarian violence associated with football). I noticed a real shift around 12 years ago with people being a lot more vociferous with their views and opinions, cutting people off who disagreed with them, and ranting instead of conversing. See also, boasting and bragging endlessly. I associate it with the rise of social media...and these days fake news. I've said it before, but a lot of people talk these days as if they are on a podcast. All "talking at", rather than "connecting with".

Read "Society of the Spectacle" by Guy Debord.

I agree.

There’s a lot of very vocal people who seem to believe that what they think is the One True Way and can be really vicious if they don’t see you as a true believer.

It happens on MN all the time - and we should all be old enough to know better - so goodness knows how the teens are managing to deal with less moderated spaces.

Blame Instagram. Look at me me me I’m better than you. Repugnant and no one ever feels good enough

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I can see the connection in that they’re all representative of taking views to an extreme and not even trying to find any common ground.

I think the competitiveness comes from seeing things on social media and trying to keep up or outdo - or completely disengage and lose social contact. I think use of social media is responsible for a large amount of mental health issues, especially in young people.