To not have told my dd everything

Wouldn’t she have had to fill in an options form, putting her choices down (usually about 7 or so options). What options did she choose? They would have sent her (direct) the results of her halls based on that form (if it was her firm choice).

Always the best way @Happyface246 rather than turn it into a massive thing between you. I'm still curious how they followed your wishes unless she was 17 at the time but glad it worked out.

If this actually happened, don't ever tell her.

Just to add - don't beat yourself up as you did this for your daughter with love and care!

Glad to hear this update

She's an adult so I daresay the Uni wouldn't have acted on your behalf/request anyway as it is not within their AOR to do.

yes but it seems very likely that it was allocated by the uni because OP specifically requested it. Otherwise they wouldn't have bothered emailing her back to confirm it, they would just say 'we can only act on preferences from the student themselves, not their parent,' or whatever.

Obviously we don't know that for definite (and to me it seems very odd they would do that without consulting the student themselves) but OP clearly think it's the case, and tbh I would imagine that most students would otherwise have been put in 'normal' housing unless they made a specific request.

They aren't going to randomly put any student into 'quiet' housing because once you get one or two students who don't want to be there, and decide to make as much noise as they want, it stops being quiet housing!

So yes, the decision whether to request 'quiet' housing or not has been taken out of the DD's hands. While the final decision would have been the accommodation team's, realistically most people would just automatically go to the standard housing unless a specific request had been made, so if OP hadn't emailed it's more likely than not the DD wouldn't have been allocated that space.

You realise that 'modest' accommodation is basically provided to isolate observant Jewish and Muslim girls? Probably mostly Muslim. I intend no criticism of these beliefs. Just a heads-up.

Well done OP

I don’t know if you’re aware but you can apply for Disabled Students’ Allowance if your DS would agree.
https://epilepsysociety.org.uk/living-epilepsy/young-people/university/practicalities-going-university

Disabled Students’ Allowance is also available for autistic students, who can have a mentor and a tutor separately from the university, funded by Student Finance England (not a loan).

I have had epilepsy training from an excellent neurology nurse and I wouldn’t use that term - it was in a book by an A + E doctor. I think epilepsy training should be mandatory for HE providers.

I can well believe the doctors comments. DS has an epilepsy diagnosis from a neurologist and receives care from a neurology centre and yet we still get the odd shit comments and treatment from A&E doctors. I really worry about him at uni, having to navigate this without an advocate.
"Pseudo seizures" is a term that shouldn't be used now. Non epileptic seizure disorders are as involuntary as epilepsy and are not fake in any way.
The older I get, the less faith I have in the medical profession.
A friends son was diagnosed with epilepsy whilst he was at med school - he was bullied horribly by his peers - these are our future doctors.

I asked the uni to do similar for me because of my anxiety and not being partying type, I asked to go in halls which only had 5 people per flat rather than up to 15!!!

My parents suggested it and I got a doctors note to back me up. They didn’t go behind my back and do it. I’d have been devastated if they did.

Sussex accept tons! It's very lucrative for the university, as international students pay more.

She’s an adult. I appreciate you’ve done it from a place of care but it’s an outrageous overstep.

she’ll also almost certainly find out. “Modest accommodation” tends to be oversubscribed and needs to be specifically requested (for posters not familiar this is accomodation that is set aside to accommodate primarily those who want a no alcohol environment) and it will quickly become apparent that she has been placed there deliberately.

My son is off to uni. He has autism and epilepsy. We spoke, together, about his medical needs with his epilepsy nurse, the inclusion team and the accommodation team.
His halls are the furthest away from the bars, and typically are quieter. However with his potential for social isolation, the university was keen to ensure he isn’t isolated.
We will find out in a few weeks time how he gets on. But the key for us is to discuss everything together. I can help guide him, but he has to become more independent even though it causes me anxiety, and make his own decisions, where possible informed decisions.

That’s correct, the young woman was misdiagnosed. I read a book by an A + E doctor recently and was shocked that he wrote a whole chapter on so-called “pseudo seizures” saying that the people presenting at A + E were faking them and were time wasters. I really am trying to be helpful by suggesting that the disability team and accommodation are made aware and can receive training. I apologise if you found my comment unhelpful but I am trying to raise awareness in my own small way. I won’t mention it again.

You were wrong to interfere and are not doing your DD any favours by not encouraging her to advocate for herself. Advise her to contact the university's disabilities team who can put in place appropriate support. Students don't need to be registered disabled, they can self identify or have long term health conditions.

Definitely did the right thing. I wouldn't tell your dd. Had you suggested it she may have rejected the idea but then found it difficult if she ended up in a party house. Hopefully you have enabled her to have a good start. But now you have to step back and let her make her own choices

My dd would also be incensed if I did this. I would talk to your dd and get her to discuss it the university, ask who else has been allocated to the halls. You don’t want her to be isolated. If it comes up in conversation you can will have to fess up.

I get it. My dd has a seizure condition, hers is not so well known about it. Her heart stops beating. My dd would not like to be in modest halls and like yours, will also need to have an autism assessment but she is very sociable. I think a pull cord (mentioned upthread) is a very good idea and something to look into for my dd if/when she goes to university.

I disagree with everyone saying 'don't tell her' and from your post it does sound like you are uneasy about what you've done.

First, presumably she will twig that there is something different about her accommodation pretty quickly and question why, as I'd have thought most of the other students would know this was the option being picked for them or would have picked it themselves.

Secondly, even if being around non-drinking students would be good for her in your eyes and is a better match with her current lifestyle, she might be hoping to reinvent herself a bit or do things differently at uni. I appreciate this might not apply to your DD at all but just raising the possibility (personally my own reinvention plans suffered an early setback when my DM discovered that I'd bought some blue hair dye and packed it into my suitcase for uni... she was not amused by this).

Thirdly, even if your DD is really happy with this accommodation, is there a risk she will resent having been left out of the loop? Are you treating her fairly and laying a good foundation of trust for the future as she takes this big step and moves away from you? That would be my main concern.

My own DD is very young so perhaps I'll feel more protective and empathise with your position more by the time she is st the same life stage. I also appreciate that your DD clearly has needs that make you understandably even more worried for her.

Nonetheless in your shoes I think I would explain to her that you chose to help her get quieter accommodation as thought it would help but have now realised you made a mistake and should have given her the choice.

I don't get how this happened without her knowing. Surely you looked at accommodation in person or online and talked about what would suit her. From how you describe the accommodation it may not be something she would ve opted for. How prepared is she for uni and how good are the plans to keep her safe and does she know what the plan is? Does she understand her own needs? I think this is not good and potentially will cause more problems. You need to talk to her about the allocation and if it'll suit her etc.

My DC would have gone insane if they found out I had done this. I would have gone insane if my mum had done this when I went to uni. So if I was you I would never ever mention it. Think of it as your last ever act of snowplough parenting and take the secret to your grave.

Really, that's not helpful. If your friend's child died of SUDEP, then they were misdiagnosed and didn't have non epileptic seizures.
Non epileptic seizures aren't medicated. Problems with poor medical treatment is common however. My son has epilepsy and A&E doctor's attitudes can be woeful, he doesn't always have typical seizures and most HCPs can only recognise the main type. SUDEP is always a worry, there isn't much that can be done, other than a monitor, but my DS refuses one.
People's knowledge and opinions of epilepsy and seizure disorders are often in the dark ages, it's shocking, I read some appalling comments on MN.