Page 3 | Mad to consider IVF in these circumstances?

Namechangeforthis112 · 2024-08-25T12:21:22+00:00

My little boy is the light of my life and we love him so very much. I've got a wonderful husband, son and a generally lovely life, but I'm yearning for more children so badly it's all I can think about. It was very difficult conceiving our son (took years, both DH and me fertility issues, but worked naturally eventually). I've always been afraid of IVF but have been considering it lately. However I've got a pituitary adenoma and been told with injecting hormones there's a chance it can grow and bleed into the brain (although chance is not big). It would also seriously diminish our savings to do IVF, but I'd love to give my child a sibling. My DH says to count our blessings and move on but I find it so hard - at the same time I wonder if it's good big of a risk! I need to make a decision soon as I'm 37 this year and can't think of anything else. yabu- count your blessings and don't take the risk Yanbu- you'll regret it if you don't go for IVF and at least try

sunseaandsoundingoff · 25/08/2024 16:39

sunnydayhereandnow · 25/08/2024 16:12

I’m sure you’ve looked into this, but is IVF your only option for fertility treatment? Would it be worth trying some IUIs?

Fwiw I did 4 rounds of IVF and in the general scheme of things, it’s not that much of a big deal. The rounds are quite intensive in terms of appointments and the hormones made me a bit… hormonal, but I think most of the “difficulty” is the emotional rollercoaster, not the treatment itself.

and you also have a pituitary adenoma?

sunnydayhereandnow · 25/08/2024 16:12

I’m sure you’ve looked into this, but is IVF your only option for fertility treatment? Would it be worth trying some IUIs?

Fwiw I did 4 rounds of IVF and in the general scheme of things, it’s not that much of a big deal. The rounds are quite intensive in terms of appointments and the hormones made me a bit… hormonal, but I think most of the “difficulty” is the emotional rollercoaster, not the treatment itself.

Maria1982 · 25/08/2024 16:04

Coldiron · 25/08/2024 13:34

Your son needs a mother more than another sibling, don’t risk it

This is brutal but 100% true. With your health issues, I wouldn’t risk it.

anyone who tries to guilt you about having an only child - ignore them, or say the above to them! That’ll shut them up

Kosenrufugirl · 25/08/2024 16:01

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 13:31

I'm so sorry, that sounds really tough. Sending you lots of love. Yes I am erring on the side of caution really - I just feel sometimes lots of people make you feel bad for having one child "and no-one to play with" etc. I must find a way of not letting that get to me so much!

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I have 2 teenagers who get on very well by everyone's account. Yet the oldest stated on more than one occasion over the years that if he was to have a child he will only ever have one. I don't know where he got this attitude from. I wouldn't let other people's opinion on your existing child need for a playmate sway your decision. Also, if you end up in hospital because of your pregnancy/baby your firstborn will in all likelihood blame the sibling (even though it wouldn't be anything to do with the sibling's decision)

Peonies12 · 25/08/2024 15:58

Your son needs a mother more than a sibling. Yes you’d be mad to do it. I personally wouldn’t do IVF once I had a child, I don’t think it’s fair to put them through the emotional stress and time commitment of their parents having IVF. Appreciate what you have

LividSummers · 25/08/2024 15:55

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 15:49

Oh my, sorry to hear that! I hope you are okay now, and your friend recovers well. ❤️

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Thanks, all good now but really made me value what I've got.

I would have done ANYTHING to have my baby. Literally.

But it's different when you have one already, I believe.

Original poster

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 15:49

LividSummers · 25/08/2024 15:32

IVF put me in intensive care (long story) and my friend has just survived brain tumour surgery.

I KNOW the yearning for another, believe me. But you'd be mad to risk what you have.

Oh my, sorry to hear that! I hope you are okay now, and your friend recovers well. ❤️

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LividSummers · 25/08/2024 15:32

IVF put me in intensive care (long story) and my friend has just survived brain tumour surgery.

I KNOW the yearning for another, believe me. But you'd be mad to risk what you have.

Original poster

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 15:30

smileyplant · 25/08/2024 15:18

I am in a similar situation in that I have been told I need IVF for anymore children but I have health issues which mean that the medication needed could make me very unwell. We've decided it's not something we want to pursue. As much as id love more children I couldn't forgive myself if I left the one I have without a mum or ended up needing an organ transplant (a potential complication for me) . I'm focusing on making lots of friends for him, being the hosting house, having cousins over etc. it's hard at the moment as all our friends are having their second so its a making me feel down. But ultimately I feel really lucky to have 1 healthy happy child as I was warned I might not have managed that.

Big hugs - it's tough when it absorbs all your thoughts!

Thanks so much for your kind reply..yes- I try this as well, lots of friends and play dates and we've been on a holiday with his cousin this year as well! Sending you a big hug as well and all the best for your lovely family!

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BurbageBrook · 25/08/2024 15:29

Honestly I couldn't take a risk like that when I had an existing child. It wouldn't be fair to the child.

Original poster

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 15:28

ginasevern · 25/08/2024 15:21

Current situation: one much loved, healthy child, a happy marriage and a good lifestyle.

Potential situation: you are dead or disabled, you spend a fortune on IVF which isn't even successful, your marriage deteriorates because of the huge stress and expense incurred and your DH didn't even want another baby in the first place. Your existing child suffers because of the stress and lack of finances and the constant rows between you and your DH.

Which would you choose OP?

@ginasevern thank you, I think I needed to read this - so true and definitely not something I can risk!!

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otravezempezamos · 25/08/2024 15:26

Coldiron · 25/08/2024 13:34

Your son needs a mother more than another sibling, don’t risk it

This answer sums it up perfectly

CalmCat661 · 25/08/2024 15:24

I grew up as an only child and had a fantastic childhood! I didn’t wish for a sibling as my parents facilitated lots of play dates with friends, and out of school hobbies. I’m sure your son will be ok OP as an only child, best to not risk your health x

ginasevern · 25/08/2024 15:21

Current situation: one much loved, healthy child, a happy marriage and a good lifestyle.

Potential situation: you are dead or disabled, you spend a fortune on IVF which isn't even successful, your marriage deteriorates because of the huge stress and expense incurred and your DH didn't even want another baby in the first place. Your existing child suffers because of the stress and lack of finances and the constant rows between you and your DH.

Which would you choose OP?

smileyplant · 25/08/2024 15:18

I am in a similar situation in that I have been told I need IVF for anymore children but I have health issues which mean that the medication needed could make me very unwell. We've decided it's not something we want to pursue. As much as id love more children I couldn't forgive myself if I left the one I have without a mum or ended up needing an organ transplant (a potential complication for me) . I'm focusing on making lots of friends for him, being the hosting house, having cousins over etc. it's hard at the moment as all our friends are having their second so its a making me feel down. But ultimately I feel really lucky to have 1 healthy happy child as I was warned I might not have managed that.

Big hugs - it's tough when it absorbs all your thoughts!

NewMe2024 · 25/08/2024 15:11

You currently have a lovely life. Worst case scenario here is that you leave two children without a mother and a husband (who you would have had to talk into this) with a newborn baby, another young child, and bereaved. Enjoy what you have OP, it’s very precious.

Original poster

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 14:51

oakleaffy · 25/08/2024 14:43

I contemplated having two children ( my husband wanted another- I was happy with the lovely one we have)
I asked only children as adults and the amount who said “ I was as happy being an only” was huge.
Lots of adults don’t have anything to do with their siblings anyway.
Count your blessings with the healthy child you have🙂

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Thanks for your kind reply. Yes, I agree, I've got so much to be thankful for with the family I have ❤️

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Original poster

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 14:49

Aquamarine1029 · 25/08/2024 14:42

The child you have needs a healthy mother, they do not need a sibling. I'm an only child and I've had a brilliant life. Be happy with what you have and be present for the here and now.

Thanks for your reply, it's made me so so happy reading this! Glad that you never missed anything.

I have one 9 year older sister and whilst we get on great now, I have 0 memories of us together as children, I really loved all the quality time with my parents and never longed for a sibling closer in age or anything. I think what has made me worried so much is that a lot of people seem to comment that only children will be lonely etc and I let that get to me way too much. So thank you for your reply.

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Motherrr · 25/08/2024 14:46

I would consider adoption in your circumstances given the risk. So many children need loving homes and you wouldn't have to risk your health to have another baby

RedElephantss · 25/08/2024 14:44

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 14:42

Wow oh my goodness I had no idea it can amount to that!! Congratulations on your family:) x

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It was complicated by the surgeries but all the ‘extras’ over multiple cycles added up - ICSI, ERA testing, scratches, embryoscope, embryoglue, genetic testing of embryos etc etc ! It really spirals once you start if it doesn’t work each cycle you add more and try more

oakleaffy · 25/08/2024 14:43

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 13:31

I'm so sorry, that sounds really tough. Sending you lots of love. Yes I am erring on the side of caution really - I just feel sometimes lots of people make you feel bad for having one child "and no-one to play with" etc. I must find a way of not letting that get to me so much!

Show quote history

I contemplated having two children ( my husband wanted another- I was happy with the lovely one we have)
I asked only children as adults and the amount who said “ I was as happy being an only” was huge.
Lots of adults don’t have anything to do with their siblings anyway.
Count your blessings with the healthy child you have🙂

Aquamarine1029 · 25/08/2024 14:42

The child you have needs a healthy mother, they do not need a sibling. I'm an only child and I've had a brilliant life. Be happy with what you have and be present for the here and now.

Original poster

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 14:42

RedElephantss · 25/08/2024 14:37

IVF is really expensive, we had to go down that route for dc1 and 2 and because it was complicated and took years plus required surgeries that had to be done privately we ended up spending just over £150k

Wow oh my goodness I had no idea it can amount to that!! Congratulations on your family:) x

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RedElephantss · 25/08/2024 14:37

IVF is really expensive, we had to go down that route for dc1 and 2 and because it was complicated and took years plus required surgeries that had to be done privately we ended up spending just over £150k

Original poster

Namechangeforthis112 · 25/08/2024 14:34

Thanks all! I should probably elaborate as some have asked about finances....

We're comfortable but not loaded, have a good amount of savings, but the thing is I feel I cannot realistically spend more than 10k on IVF when I could spend that money for my son, if that makes sense at all? Also the thought if something went wrong, if my health deteriorated, and if that would impact my existing family, fills me with dread. Then I'm thinking though what if it works first time and then my son would have a sibling? I somehow need to get off this thought carousel!
In regards to how likely the tumour is to cause problems - these kinds of adenomas can always spontaneity grow, the risk is not huge, but there have been cases of rapid growth in women who were doing IVF. If it does bleed into the brain then that's an emergency that requires immediate surgery. Gosh typing this out I think I should probably not risk it😞

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