How would you parent this situation?

It sounds like anxiety she wants to do ot thought she could but actually now she has seen the crowds it is too much

talk to her see if it is the case and make a plan what to do if she gets lost where you are going, when eating etc and this is key if it gets too much she can go straight BACK to the tent

If this is becoming a pattern I’d suspect that she’s overwhelmed and anxious.
Take the pressure off for the activities and maybe suggest a walk around the periphery of things rather than expecting her to dive right in.
Treating her as a spoiled brat is unlikely to help the situation and will more likely alienate her from you, whatever the cause.
Ride through the rest of the festival as best you can and go without children next time.

I agree with the others. If she has a headache then no tech and if she's feeling that poorly then going home is where she needs to be. Give her some Paracetamol and see how she reacts to that.

She just manages to ruin almost every day we out we have when she doesn’t get her own way

Shes generally a lovely girl

She doesn’t sound like a lovely girl, she sounds like a spoiled brat who does this a lot.

What have you tried so far when she’s ruining your days out?

I’d take whether she’s using to entertain herself in the tent off her, pack up and go home.

Once home I’d remove all electronic devices and tell her it’s them that must be causing these “headaches” and she needs to remain in her quiet dark bedroom for the rest of the bank holiday weekend to make sure the headache is completely gone.

For all of the posters saying chill with her, Presumably they have all day tomorrow to have a chill day at home since it is a bank holiday.

Unless really ill (which from op it sounds like this is becoming a bit of a pattern for days out so probably unlikely shes unwell) its unfair of her to make one of the adults have to stay sitting in a tent when there is other things going on.

She wanted to come to this festival, its been paid for and I would not be happy if her behaviour was spoiling it.

She's at an age where she can realise that the day doesnt have to revolve around her, even if feeling a bit under the weather or tired, she could still have a walk and see what was going on. And then rest up, recuperate and chill tomorrow or for the rest of the week since she's off school. Or if going for a walk really doesnt help and she is too poorly, ask to go home but at least she tried.

Some paracetamol. Remove tech, entertainment. Start packing. If no immediate change go home. When home put her straight to bed, darkened room, no screen entertainment, a book at most. Don’t rant. Ignore her. Tomorrow explain she ruined costly event for family with fakery. Tell her whatever punishment you’ve decided and stick to it.

My niece used to do this every evening on holiday so her mum would have to return to accommodation with her. Eventually mum got scunnered, simply gave her paracetamol and carried on with dinner, ignoring the whinging.

I suspect she might be anxious about going. This was about the age my girls started to get nervous in crowds. A bit of compassion might get you further than throwing a strop about how she's ruined everyone's good time. If she's anxious all you're going to do is make it worse and break her trust.

It sounds incredibly frustrating for you. Maybe the thought of the big day and all the activities is a bit overwhelming? I’d make sure she has eaten and drunk enough fluids then calmly suggest you both chill in the tent for an hour then go for a wander to get an ice cream or whatever. Once she’s out she might feel a bit more up for the day. it sounds like a lot has gone on in a short space of time and she must be knackered. I find festivals enjoyable but pretty full on!

When are the activities and are you going to lose money on them?

If she's sat on electronics, remove them.

Tell her you're not going to sit there in a tent in the middle of a festival SHE wanted to go and be bored because SHE's being an absolute brat. Put her shoes on and whatever, and get ready to go out with you. She can stand there while you enjoy what's going on.

I'd do something like this too.

Can you get to the bottom of why she doesn't want to do anything? Is she tired/it's too noisy/missing home/friends/nervous about activity?

Paracetamol, water and a walk would help a genuine headache. Offer to go for a smoothie and find somewhere quiet to sit, and hope she transitions into being more comfortable around the rest of the festival.

To be honest, this is how I parent my ASD daughter and might be assuming it's something deeper that can be fixed if you handle her gently.

Probably give it until late afternoon for her to belt up then I’d pack up and leave and do nothing else she requests for a while.

I would get her a nice drink and snack, some paracetamol for her headache send your dh off with the toddler then sit with her , have a chat, see how things go. Maybe she needs a pause and reset. If no improvement head home and write it off as one of those things

I don't think lovely kids suddenly turn defiant and lazy. She's 10 - there is loads that might be going on. All this snatching devices away and leaving her in the tent would shatter any chance of finding out what might really be wrong. She might not know herself. Be nice to them both - take the little one out and chill a bit with the 10 year old. What's the worst that happens if you miss some stuff?

I'd offer her a quick head massage and some water to ease the headache. I'd ask her whats going on once DH and toddler are out of the way. Something is probably bothering her so might as well find out what it is and then you'll be able to respond to it and move on.

Why would she be trying to ruin your time away?

Unless genuinely ill then they would be made to come with here. If they have a device that would be gone.

We went to festivals with kids, but left them with GPs after the first couple. Just wasn't worth the bother.

Nope she doesn’t get to ruin the fun! My oldest is terrible for this, she’ll want to do something and realises later it’s not something she’ll enjoy after being told numerous times.

For example, football camp in the summer holidays. Her sibling was going as that’s a hobby, suddenly she HAD to go. Explained she wouldn’t enjoy it and to pick something else- she’s already tried football and hated it. She was absolutely adamant she was going and she’d like it, begrudgingly I paid the money for her and low and behold the first day she came out saying she wasn’t going back, she hated it.

Her face when she realised I wasn’t backing down and she’d made this choice and it had now been paid therefore she’s committed to the week. Every single day of that week I had nothing but attitude in a clear attempt to get me to say stay in your grounded 😂 but no, she was sent each and every day. Funnily enough, she’s now good with picking things she’ll enjoy as opposed to having fomo!

Yup I would give her the choice:
Either we go out of the tent and enjoy ourselves or we pack up and go home. And if we pack up and go home, we won't be coming to anything like this again next year.

I’d tell her you are going out to have some fun and leave her in the tent by herself. She’ll follow you after 5 minutes.

Is she feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all?
Can you find a way to help her chill a bit without pressure to suddenly want to do things? Go for a walk to get something to help her head? Sit quietly somewhere? She might start to come back to herself a bit?

Depends... is she sat in her sleeping bag, doing nothing, looking grey. Would suggest ill.

On phone, tablet, reading, music, then up, out, fresh air or help pack.

Doesn't want to? Then you need to know why. Is she starting periods? Has she got friendship issues exacerbated by being away? Just trying to remember my girls' issues at that age... is brother getting on her nerves? Her dad? Did she get any sleep? Has she got loo issues... it's a tent? I'd be mortified sharing loos ... constipation can really make kids miserable. Does she have an eye mask and ear plugs. Night time in a tent can be hell... noise, light, wind, rain, sunrise, fear of someone stepping on the tent, driving on it etc, etc, etc.

What is she doing in the tent? Just stropping or is she playing on screens?

I would say "fine, if you don't want to do anything, we'll go home" and start packing, especially as it's the last day.

Is it really a headache or is that a cover for something she isn't comfortable discussing? At that age she could be hormonal or even beginning her periods and unable to cope with the mood swings and pain and the tiredness some girls get. Even before menstruation actually kicks in, they can get PMT symptoms.

I remember my mum being so pissed off that I refused to go swimming in the sea one holiday. I had just started my periods and was too shy to tell her and she treated me like a spoiled brat. I felt so shit but completely unable to confide in her, especially as she was so annoyed and judgemental of me and just assumed i was being difficult rather than dealing with a difficulty.

So, I'd be sympathetic and assume she isn't intentionally trying to ruin everyone's holiday. I'd give her some paracetamol and then you and Dh take turns to sit with her, chat with her etc in 2-3 hour rotations, so you each get some time to enjoy the festival and some time with the toddler, and some time with DD. It's not the end of the world to sit outside a tent and contemplate the world for a few hours.

Does she have phone/ipad with her?

Take away any entertainment she may have in the tent, like a phone or tablet.

Then I'd say to her, she either comes with you or she pays you back out of her own money for the activities you've paid for her to do and now she's refusing... assuming she has a little bit of birthday money saved up or something.