How would you parent this situation?

What happens when she is defiant at home?

Weirdly, please make sure she hasn’t started her period whilst being away & this has caused concern

What festival is this? Odd sort of a gift for a 10 year old that doesn't seem to like going out anyway. When I was 10 (and frankly at 50 too) a festival would have been my idea of hell. It would also have been exactly the kind of 'gift' my mother would give me (actually for herself) and then act like I was the devil for not being interested.

If she has a headache she can’t have phone/tablet/book. She will have to lie down in the tent doing nothing.

If that doesn’t result in improvement then pack up and go home.

I don't agree with the pack up and go home because the rest of you are missing out. Given how far you are from home I would tag team with your DH. If toddler won't leave then they stay in the tent too.

I would make it clear that she either agrees to go and join the festival in the morning or that's it for the whole day. No choice of food and phone gets removed.

Then I would go off and come back and discuss with DH how great it is to let few know what she's missing out on.

I think it's important that they understand that they are not in control of your time and will not be allowed to spoil it for others.

So this trip was about you, your desires, and your needs. Your statement that she wanted to attend was perhaps not what it originally appeared. This festival was not your 10 year olds idea, it was yours. Your child “agreed” because she had to.

don’t be these parents . I had these parents . They suck. They suck so bad. They drag their children on holiday and outings for themselves without any consideration for the personalities (or medical needs) of their actual children.

Thankfully they do ditch you the first chance they get because everyone is miserable about the situation. Then you don’t do anything again until you are an adult, because only your parent's interests matter.

If it's a headache, ibuprofen and water and wait an hour.

Could it be anxiety or fear?

If she's just being a moody one I'd tell her she's spoiling the occasion for the family.

My 10 year old DD can be the same. A very firm voice gets her out of the house. Once out, she's generally fine.

It's probably a kids/family festival, and there's stuff there she asked to do, so it's hardly going to be muddy moshpits and cocaine

I would talk to her and get to the root of her reasons for not wanting to attend the festival. Is she just tired? Is she overwhelmed by the crowds? Is it not what she expected? Or maybe this time she actually does have a headache?

then see if you can triage the situation. If not, respect her as a human being. If it was the adults who were absolutely miserable, you wouldn’t hesitate to go home or change plans. Why should your child have less consideration?

Id be getting her to pay back the money for the missed activities tbh.can come out of birthday money,or returning gift or two if she prefers.

I would start off trying to get her to tell you privately if she is anxious or upset about something. Give her the chance to talk to you.

But beyond a certain point children need to learn that’s they can’t hold everyone else ransom to their whims. It’s not reasonable to expect that you can always force others to change their plans.

If you have given her the opportunity to talk to you about something that’s bothering her and she is just being intransigent then it’s time for some sanctions. In your position I think I would take all devices away and if it still doesn’t work take her home.

@Himitsu what kind of festival is it???

@Himitsu am I the only one thinking that the idea of a "festival" is not what a 10 year old child would appreciate for a birthday present! is that not more what the parents wanted to do????

It might be better to try a short break without DD for a bit. And holidays with a toddler are always going to be hard work.
Some people just don't like being away from home out of their routine. DS2 was pain on holiday from about 12, so we didn't really go on many for a few years..by 17 we let him stay home alone, while the rest of us went off. Even into his 20's, he would want to come on short breaks, but then decide he wanted to go home. He's nearly 30 now, we've talked about a trip to an historical site abroad that he says he really wants to go to, but I'm having my doubts..
Are there grandparents you could leave DD with next time?

First step is to take some space to calm yourself as it must be infuriating to have spent money and time on a holiday that seems like it's being ruined.

But I doubt she's doing it to hurt others. My go to would be assuming she felt overwhelmed. I'd try and agree something like an hour to chill at the tent (one parents takes sibling to do fun things) and then an activity, and give her a choice. Consider quieter areas, chat about what would make it more bearable for her. Talk about what the area will be like, maybe try and find some photos to show her.

I wouldn't go home if your toddler is having a good time, but if no one is, then there's no harm in going home.

No it’s not how holidays with children are like. But you better nip this behaviour in the bud before it becomes your norm.

If and it is if it is due to anxiety than this is a terrible idea as it reinforces the feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness

festivals are overwhelming for quite a few people so it is worth looking into that

i have one and it really helps as I said to have the ability to leave if it does get too much

I wouldn't be giving her any choices. She gets out and doesn't ruin it for everyone, with consequences already for what she's done, and further consequences if she doesn't listen now. No way should a 10 year old be dictating the day.

Some paracetamol. Remove tech, entertainment. Start packing. If no immediate change go home. When home put her straight to bed, darkened room, no screen entertainment, a book at most. Don’t rant. Ignore her. Tomorrow explain she ruined costly event for family with fakery. Tell her whatever punishment you’ve decided and stick to it.

Yes, I’d do this. Consequence would be directly related to the problem caused, e.g. we paid for all of this for you but you spoilt it, so you need to start paying us back out of pocket money.

If it was ds I would tell him his head is probably hurting because there isn't enough air in the tent/the waterproofing on the tent fumes, and to try coming out for some fresh air and we would get her some sunglasses/hat for shade for any glare and paracetamol somewhere and we'll buy/she can choose some juice incase she is dehydrated.

Is there something she is worried about? Do the clothes she is wearing blend in with the rest of the festival goers and can you buy something so she feels she fits in? Is she possibly hormonal which is increasing anxiety about something? She wanted to come so something has changed to make her want to miss the whole thing.

She might be feeling tired and overwhelmed but not expressing it well. If she hasn't been to a festival before it might not be what she expected, even if she was keen to go. Make sure she has the chance to say this without fear of being told off for making a mistake about how much she'd enjoy it.
I'd say let's stay here for a bit, take some paracetamol and head out for a bit for a nice drink or ice cream in a quieter area.
I'd go for a compromise solution like that.