How would you parent this situation?

Why? There must be a reason. Legs aching? Blister? Too hot? Need some
Sunglasses?

Are her walking shoes comfy? My pet hate is seeing kids in stupid supermarket shoes whilst their parents are in proper supportive shoes.

I'd be thinking through her attire and situation and trying to work out what the problem is

This is not how it usually goes.

Toddler needs parenting too. There's a ton of exciting things at a festival that should be far more interesting than his sulky sister. One of you should maximise enthusiasm for taking him out and have a fun 1:1 time.

For the daughter I'd have let her stay at the tent (assuming no devices - they would be removed). If she wants to lie in the tent for an hour I'd read my book outside. Pretty sure she'd have come out wanting a drink or something eventually and then that's an opportunity to go find the food places and have a chat.

I would make sure she had no screens in the tent except at night when you've already been out and about. That's what I used to say to my son when he had a 'headache' that meant we couldn't do anything...I'd tell him screens will make it worse so he just needs to lie down. When he had a real headache he would actually want to lie down and not do anything, so easy to tell the difference! Sit outside the tent reading a book or something and paying no attention and see how long it takes her to be 'better'.

It's basically not ok to ruin everyone's holiday by being this stubborn. If she is actually feeling unwell, of course that's different.

I agree with behaviour being communication. If it were my daughter, I'd get earplugs and remind her which activities we'd booked and what time we were due to go to them (or make a schedule if they had no fixed times). I'd build in downtime between each activity.

I'd not be going home if the festival was something I also wanted to do.

Wanting to go to a festival and experiencing the reality are 2 very different things and reminding her how much the trip has cost etc is only going to stop her telling you why she now doesn't want to participate in the arranged activities.

I do however second removing devices etc. if she's got a 'headache', a drink and rest are the best things. Preferably in her bed in the darkened tent. If nothing else, it might allow her time to gather the courage to attend the events that are booked.

Is she actually feeling ill, though? Listen to your daughter. Don’t assume she’s being grumpy for nothing.

When I was that age, I was out with my parents one day and we were due to climb some hills. I developed a sudden pain in my side and we had to go home. It became a bit of a family joke ‘One look at the fells and Golden was too ill to walk.’

On a subsequent occasion when I was 13, I was route-marched round a hilly seven-mile track although I complained of a headache and a temperature. That turned out to be strep throat and I was in bed for a week.

And the pain in my side? Quite genuine. I was reminded of this occasion when in my 30s and I pinned back the ears of both parents. I got the same pain three or four times a year during my teens. It eventually went away. No idea what caused it. It would get worse and worse until I had to lie down and once I lay down it disappeared within minutes. I never complained again because I’d been ridiculed the first time.

Don't make any threats you don't want to carry out - don't say you'll go home if you don't want to/can't. Do take away anything fun to do in the tent (definitely no screens for her). The rest of the family should take it in turns to enjoy some of the festival. Explain to her that behaving like this makes it less likely you'll consider her wants when planning future trips/days out.

This
I don't understand how parents get to this position tbh.

Behaviour is always communication in children, I’d bet anything this is anxiety. And she doesn’t know how to communicate it.

See, I'd just not have it. But then mine had learnt by 10 that they don't get final say in what we do
Maybe I’ve missed a trick somewhere along the parenting journey but I just don’t understand how people make kids do something. Physically force them by dragging? Punish them and punish them until there’s nothing left? If my DD doesn’t want to do something I can take away tech, I can remove privileges, I can cancel things but that doesn’t make her do the thing she doesn’t want to do! She’s not bothered about losing that stuff.

See, I'd just not have it. But then mine had learnt by 10 that they don't get final say in what we do. They might have a brief moan about it but usually pipe down when reminded that the whole family's activities do not revolve around them and their whims.

At 10 if they thought they could keep me and their siblings sat in a tent by refusing to get up, I'd have stood them up myself and told them in no uncertain terms that they wanted to come, money had been spent on what THEY wanted to do and they would either get out and bloody do it without the attitude or they'd get no more holidays, they would be staying home with the most boring relative you can think of.

Your OP says she had a party and gifts and "tbis is part if it"

Which festival are you at? Is it the sunshine festival?
What is she normally like with huge crowds and loud music? Maybe there is too much going on for her.

No, my daughter is 12 and I have never had anything like this experience with her, and nor have most parents I don't think - children might sometimes moan about doing stuff on holiday, but to actually flat out refuse to is extremely unusual I think. We recently holidayed with friends who have a son who has ADHD and ASD and is highly oppositional, and even he consented to most activities when approached thoughtfully and given lots of warning.

I am a massively liberal parent compared to most people on MN, and don't do any kind of "sanctions" with my daughter, never shout at her or anything like that, but even I would not for a second tolerate the behaviour you describe - it's appalling.

The only exception is - is it not possible that the child is genuinely ill? I know when I was about this age I started getting appalling ovulation pains - this did once happen on holiday, and for some reason I did not feel able to tell my mom, and I remembered refusing to go for a walk because I just couldn't - mom was confused because it was so out of character. Could something like this be happening here?

OK so as others have said lots of sympathy for the headache, water, paracetamol and a non-exciting snack incase her blood sugar is low
Then tell her she needs to sleep if off and take away her tech ( which will worsen a headache) and tell her you will r back to check on her in an hour and leave her to it. If you genuinely feel it is unsafe to leave her make sure one of you stays in sight.
I bet she will soon change her mind!

Meet halfway. Tbf is you start packing her stuff up and walking her to the car with a breezy "right, grandparents are coming to get you" she will have a change of heart.

It's not how mine go because i don't gentle parent.

Toddler would be told they are going with daddy and eldest would have been firmly guided as other posters have said.

She's at the festival now. she chose to go. Her only chois now is her attitude and if she chooses to spoil it for others, others will spoil her time. They soon come around when they realise they will be inconvenienced without technology or books to pass the time while they sulk.

Call someone to come get her and stay with DH & toddler

Drop her off at the welfare tent and get on the acid imo

I'd tell her it's fine but obviously her head is too sore for a tablet or phone or reading or any other activity and you don't want to make it worse with junk foods like ice cream. And if it isnt better by the end of the day then she needs to go home and rest with one of the adults or a grandparent. Which will mean missing xyz.

That would be my starting point.

There's no way I'd be going home and the rest of the family miss out. I'd agree with DH to take turns going off with DS to do things while the other sat with her. When sitting with her I'd engage as little as possible, read, be on my phone whatever, but no conversation beyond essentials so it was as dull as it could be. As her 'head hurts' she would have no access to screens, books etc. If shes faking the headache she'll get bored and want to come out.