How would you parent this situation?

This. Maybe she is overwhelmed, festivals are busy and noisy? Maybe she does have a head ache?

We went to a festival last year and it was pretty overwhelming at times, we would go walk around for a bit then return back for some time out. My dd1 has always struggled with lots of people, she’s now older so I can leave her on her own to sulk.

I would just talk to her, ask her what the problem is, if it’s a head ache offer pain killers and plenty of water, let her rest and take it in turns to sit with her. If she’s just being grumpy and awkward then maybe suggest going home if she’s not going to join in?

Can anyone come and collect her?

If so, don't ask them but tell her you'll ask abc to come and get her then. You, her dad and sibling are staying to have fun.

Pack her stuff up not yours.

Kids can be AHs. I hope she snaps out of it.

Wow that’s some serious projecting. Sounds like you have unresolved issues to work through.

You didn’t even ask any clarifying questions before jumping to conclusions that she is a parent that sucks just like your parents were. You don’t even know what type of festival it is but you’ve already concluded it’s only for adults and they are forcing her to go.

Stop the karting until she’s paid back a portion of the cost of the festival. You decide how much.

I think you need to try to find out what's wrong.

• is she anxious in crowds?
• is she actually unwell?
• does noise bother her?
• is she about to start menstruation?

So what happens to the money you paid for the activities that she wanted to do? Do you just write that off?

If she’s refused water could she be really dehydrated? That makes you v lethargic/headachy. Lots of kids that age don’t drink enough. In fact, they’ll often say they’re hungry when they’re actually thirsty. Mine would never drink much water when they were young. So I gave them weakish squash. I know water’s better but they’d at least chug down the squash and get plenty of fluids. And they didn’t get hooked. They drink tons of water now as young adults. I also used to remind them to check what colour their wee was - if not clear that means they’re dehydrated. They seemed to find it fascinating and would actually drink then. Festivals can also feel pretty hectic and tiring for some kids, e.g. those with neurodivergence and a tent can feel calmer.

Totally agree with this post, I think some empathy and kindness are required in this situation. There is a reason for her behaviour and I would want to try and coax it out of her.

Negotiate a deal, ask her what she wants. Say what you want . Try find compromise.

If she won’t compromise, swap with DP supervising her highness. But mostly ignore her.

The replies here are fucking wild. SHES TEN! SHE'S BEEN ON THE PLANET FOR ONLY A DECADE.

Stop projecting adult bullshit on her.

Sorry you're having a rubbish time. It's miserable when you've tried to plan something great.

What happens if you just insist that she joins in?

If it were one of mine we would just ... insist?
My DH would tell them very firmly that we have paid good money to be here, that it's an incredible privilege, to get a grip, get their shoes on, and to join in pronto.

And they would (sulking no doubt but not too much - as DH would tell them if they don't stop that sulking he will get very cross with them.))

They don't like it but in the end they enjoy it and I think deep down it's a relief to them that they are not allowed to run the whole show with their moods.

My DH would have told your DD to stop being lazy, get her shoes on, and get walking before she found herself in big trouble.

Perhaps that wouldn't be work with your DD though, all kids are different.

She just had a lovely birthday party, lovely gifts and this was part of it

^

Also likes skating and Motorsports

^

and why we spend so much money on her hobby

Stop doing all of this. She clearly doesn't give a shit about any of it.

Spoilt brat syndrome.

And stop projecting your needs and preferences on her

I'd take away all he'd entertainment. If she's got a headache she doesn't need a phone, book, tablet ect. I'd tag team with DH so you both get to take turns going to the festival with toddler. I wouldn't give her any attention at all. If she has a headache she needs to sit quietly.

I’d be telling her she’s coming where we were going, sorry but when does a 10yr old dictate what the whole family does? Does she usually just get to decide she doesn’t want to do something and you all comply? Mine would have been told to suck it up at that age and join in. Unless genuinely unwell which she isn’t

Tell her with behaviour like this karting is going to stop as she’s obviously not interested

All behaviour has a reason, even laziness. Ironically, most people are too lazy to find it out because it inconveniences them.

I’d say she’s not giving you a hard time, she’s having a hard time. She’s probably feeling overwhelmed but doesn’t know how to express it, which is very common for young, hormonal kids.

I would say, ‘I am so sorry you’re not feeling good. Are you able to say what it is?’ If she can’t, then say, ‘I think you are feeling overwhelmed and that it’s probably best if we just pack up and get you home so that you can decompress.’

She might brighten up when she doesn’t feel pressure, or she might really want to go home. We’ve all anticipated the excitement of something and found - when we’re confronted the reality of it - that it’s all too much. She’s ten, it’s really normal.

Don’t shame her or fight it, just cope with the disappointment and cut your losses.

I'm interested in what happened
What did she do in the tent all day? Did she actually stay in the tent all day? We she sulking all day or happy in the tent?

At 10, she's getting way too much input into the decision making process OP. I hate to say it but unless you get a grip on this now, you're facing a teenage terrorist that rules the house and family dynamic with an iron grip. I wouldn't take her home, I'd go and find a book/magazine and just sit there with her (alternating with your DH) in absolute silence so she's bored out of her mind. Don't let her have any tech, and don't get her nice food/drink. She wants to be miserable, let her.

I would just leave her in the tent and let her sulk. Would that be safe enough? I wouldn't leave because a 10 year old want3d to spoil things.

So what do you suggest if parents can't make them? They restrain them and drag them around?

Ime the kids you can't 'make' usually have a reason behind that.

See, I'd just not have it. But then mine had learnt by 10 that they don't get final say in what we do.

Pretty much like that for us as kids & for ours.

I do think that sometimes there is too much negotiating & cajoling now!

Op when she suggested the festival did she actually know what there would be to see & do & how long you would be there for?

Without knowing her it’s difficult to come to conclusions. But I had my first panic attack at 10, which then lead to years of a full blown anxiety disorder I’ve only really sorted now I’m in my 30s. My parents didn’t help, I often felt embarrassed and didn’t tell them but I also got told off a lot, when actually it was horrific anxiety.