How would you parent this situation?

It is difficult.

You have to strike a balance between requiring your child to fit in to a certain degree and to best their own difficult feelings about that to a certain degree. It's not your job as parent to make sure she never feels any discomfort or frustration.

At the same time you have to be responsive and understanding. where appropriate.

Eg I would require my two to join in. However I know them well and if I could see that they were just shattered and needed down time, I would change my approach.

If however they were just being lazy and entitled- they have to fit in and join in.

Yeah I would be removing privileges. No phone. No screen time when she gets home. For a week of necessary. No treats. Toddler can have them, but not her etc etc. She will cave in the end.

At 10, none of my three would have dared to refuse to take part like this! You are going to have to get a grip on this behaviour, otherwise you are going to have an absolute nightmare of a teen on your hands!!!

It's non-negotional!!

They are grown up I've raised 2 with severe autism and ADHD and epilepsy on my own. They can't even step out the front door alone as young adults. I never had this behaviour from them quite the opposite. They appreciate everywhere I take them. Yes I have to motivate them to get ready and go out. I know if I didn't motivate them they would just sit on the sofa not go anywhere and get lazy.

Have you been able to get the bottom of why she won't leave the tent? Is she struggling with the crowds/ noise/ unfamiliarity? If she feeling insecure/ out of place? Does she genuinely feel under the weather? Is she over tired? Is it pre-teen hormones. There could be a lot going on.

Feeling overwhelmed is not a mental disorder. So much projection these days. We have to label everyone.

Even if she is acting in a way which might suggest she feels anxious? And bearing in mind that 1 in 6 children have a mental health disorder? Posters still shouldn't question if she is overwhelmed and feeling anxious??
Ok then

oh gosh!

Time for reflection, I would say, how on earth has it got to the point where a 10 year old is dictating your weekend.

exert some parental control and let her know who the parent is. You are in charge not her.

Yes absolutely this. She either takes part whole heartedly or not at all. It’s an expensive thing to do.

edited because of fat finger typos :)

Kids or teenagers might struggle with communication, emotions, etc and this does not equate the label mental health disorder. People are free to feel and live various emotions all the while being mentally healthy also.

Exactly this

I would follow a middle path between the extremes on this thread. I wouldn't pander to sulky behaviour that is rooted in just wanting to have her own way (if that is what is happening). But I also wouldn't drag her kicking and screaming or punish her harshly. I don't see the need for punishment generally TBH, but that's a topic for another thread.

Since it seems to be a pattern she has fallen into, there probably is a reason behind it. Sorry@HimitsuI know you said that there doesn't have to be a reason. But I imagine there is one. Something stops her from wanting to engage in new activities, even if she thinks she will enjoy them. I'd try to work out what that something is. If she really sat in the tent all day doing absolutely nothing, that indicates she's struggling in some way. At the same time, I'd talk to her about being part of a family and how you want to enjoy time together. Not in an emotionally manipulative way, but just as a reminder of how important she is to the family and that you want to spend time with her.

Very jealous you're at that festival.
Karting is a very expensive hobby for a 10yr old and will only get more expensive as she progresses. If she's not playing ball regularly I'd be rethinking the amount of money you're throwing at this. At 10 she's old enough to understand the cost of things.

Which means over 82 percent don't. I stand by what i said, the majority of kids this age do not have anxiety so jt shouldn't be peoples default suggestion that they do.

Well I have personal experience @Laundryliar of a sibling who was like this, everyone in the family thought they were being lazy. As an adult they have anxiety and depression to the point of being suicidal and under hospital care several times. I doubt it's exactly the same for this girl of course but I do think a ten year old preferring to sit in a tent all day with no tech if you read the update is not normal and there is likely something causing this.

Completely agree with this post also..

17.4% of children have a mental health disorder it's a huge problem now especially in secondary schools. So I wouldn't be so quick to discard something as common as anxiety.

Dispite the fact that she chose to go to the festival and it is to do with an activity that she usually enjoys, she doesn't want to do it. Doesn't that imply to you that she is unhappy or not coping with the situation for whatever reason?

Yes I guess it's frustrating but you can't force your child to enjoy something. An adult forced to do something they're not happy with can pretend but for a young child that would be difficult. I doubt very much that she's trying to control you, don't make it into a battle of wills.

Would people really drag their 10 year old child out of a tent?? Wow! if I saw someone doing that to child I'd want to intervene, it would be awful to witness.

What were the booked activities and what are her confidence levels like?

She’s 10 and primary school children often don’t know what something they think they want to do will look like in practice.

If this is her first festival maybe it was all more overwhelming and busy than she expected.

I can remember being push towards doing lots of activities that were out of my comfort zone as a kid without much support/info about how to go about and navigate them.

Just because she likes doing one activity regularly at home at the same location every time doesn’t mean it will feel the same. I’m guessing there is mostly adults at this festival too?

For starters, I really sympathise, OP.

With hindsight (my kids are technically adults now) I'd say:

Don't go to a festival for DD's birthday unless you really want to and would go without her. Don't do things to "parent" that don't come (at least a bit) naturally to you in the first place.

There's probably more going on in her head than you know. Whatever you decide to do, keep an open mind about that. She needs you just as much as the 2yo.

There is no getting it right and there never will be. So in the main, follow through on what you say you'll do, Be careful what you say. Sometimes, given a bit of time and space, they rethink and apologise,

Yeah poor kid…..going on a trip she requested for her birthday. It probably cost the parents a fortune and has taken loads of planning. Such trauma. The replies on here are mental!

I’d tell her she’s ten years old, you’re the adult and she does what you say. End of.

I always observe kids and families on holidays: I have never seen a kid crying or pulling away from a beach, a rock pool, an ice cream van or the like. I don't know what forced fun your daughter thought she will like, but apparently was something she actually dislikes and is not ready for such social gatherings.

I actually wanted to use this word but thought they will delete my post also

I think all DC get fed up and moody on holidays. My lovely dad used to say to us “this holiday cost a lot of money and you will enjoy it whether you like it or not”. I’ve used it with my dc, it breaks the ice but the dc are left in no doubt that they will behave and not spoil the holiday.

Lesson learnt. A 10 year old does not get to decide where the whole family is going , " thinking she will like it". Next time you and your husband organise a holiday, we just came from one. The usual stuff, beach, walks, visits to places, there are families everywhere with kids, the kids just tag along and run around, play games, eat ice cream.