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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband brought colleague home overnight

245 replies

pinkdata · 25/08/2024 09:10

My husband started a new job this year where he works night shift at a hospital. He normally comes home when I'm already deeply asleep. This morning he informed me that one of his colleagues was asleep on the sofa. Apparently she couldn't find her house keys and he offered she'd stay with us. I'm not super happy with that because 1) I have never met her, 2) we have small children and I don't feel comfortable having a complete stranger in my house, especially while I'm asleep. AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith? My husband said she has extremely bad mental health issues and he was concerned for her, which I do empathise with. She's still asleep on our sofa now...

OP posts:
dystopiaisonus · 25/08/2024 09:52

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

dystopiaisonus · 25/08/2024 09:51

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

EI12 · 25/08/2024 09:50

Woman has no boundaries, I would nip it in the bud. Also, his 'saviour' drift is disconcerting. This is how affairs usually start.

Redburnett · 25/08/2024 09:46

Personally I would not be at all happy if my DH did something like that. My suspicious mind would suspect she was 'trying it on' with your DH.

GingerPirate · 25/08/2024 09:45

Oopstoo · 25/08/2024 09:33

I am neurodiverse and hate people staying over - but for me I would be proud of my hubby not leaving her alone to sort out her problem at that time of night.

I'm ND as well and wouldn't have this.
However, such situation will never happen here.
I want others to ask of me exactly what I ask of them.
Nothing.

StormingNorman · 25/08/2024 09:44

I think your DH did a good thing.

PandoraSox · 25/08/2024 09:41

You husband seems like a kind man. Kindness is a good quality.

Hiddenmnetter · 25/08/2024 09:40

Shift ends before midnight and he calls it night shift. This would wind me up way more 😂
-misses point of thread-

theDudesmummy · 25/08/2024 09:37

OK, but the risks are definitely different. And the woman being locked out of her home is in a more vulnerable position than a man.

dreamer24 · 25/08/2024 09:35

theDudesmummy · 25/08/2024 09:34

@dreamer24 I am afraid that the reality is that a man you don't know sleeping on your couch is a completely different thing from a woman.

I don't agree. Any stranger in my home when I wake in the morning makes me feel equally uncomfortable I'm afraid.

theDudesmummy · 25/08/2024 09:34

@dreamer24 I am afraid that the reality is that a man you don't know sleeping on your couch is a completely different thing from a woman.

Oopstoo · 25/08/2024 09:33

I am neurodiverse and hate people staying over - but for me I would be proud of my hubby not leaving her alone to sort out her problem at that time of night.

Wimberry · 25/08/2024 09:32

Id be irritated but I can imagine after a long shift it just seemed like the easiest option - trying to get a locksmith at midnight on a Saturday night, or find friends who were awake would have been a pain. I can understand why you felt unsettled though especially given the background you've mentioned but I think your husband was just being kind. Hopefully she'll be up and gone soon!

JaninaDuszejko · 25/08/2024 09:32

dreamer24 · 25/08/2024 09:23

Nah I wouldn't like this. Imagine the opposite way around? My DH would be equally unhappy to come downstairs with our toddler to a random man on our sofa. And I wouldn't blame him.

That is completely different. @pinkdata husband's colleague is female. That means a) she's more vulnerable than a man if she can't get into her home late at night and she probably feels a lot safer on a sofa in a family home than any of the alternatives b) she's far less dangerous than a man to @pinkdata and her children.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 25/08/2024 09:28

11pm?

Well, that's not late is it really? I was expecting 5am or something

I finish later than that some nights!

Still not unreasonable of him to offer to help though

Justsayit123 · 25/08/2024 09:27

If his shift finished at 11, that’s not a night shift, that’s a late shift. I’d just make sure this was a one off… just in case she gets comfortable with this arrangement.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 25/08/2024 09:27

Your DH sounds like a good man who'd rather she had somewhere safe to sleep than be left goodness knows where if she couldn't find her keys.
And people say random person but she's his colleague. He obviously knows her well enough to trust her enough to say have the sofa for the night.

araiwa · 25/08/2024 09:26

AIBU to think she should have tried staying with friends/family or called a locksmith?

That's exactly what she did. She stayed with a friend

ohtowinthelottery · 25/08/2024 09:26

So I'm guessing this person works as a Health Care worker caring for sick/elderly/vulnerable people in the NHS and has undergone all the checks required to carry out that role in addition to being known to your DH? In that case you are massively over reacting.

MaybeMrs · 25/08/2024 09:26

I’d be surprised but also very proud that my DH had done the right thing and given her somewhere safe to stay.

olympicsrock · 25/08/2024 09:25

No big deal. Have some compassion and faith in his judgement. This woman is a colleague who would have been exhausted.

Original poster
pinkdata · 25/08/2024 09:23

Just to clarify, their shift ends at 11, which is when I go to bed. Night shift is the wrong word, sorry, he just calls it that. So he could've definitely given me a heads up.

But you're all right. He did the best thing in the situation. I think the initial shock and my own baggage got to me (my parents were drug users so lots of weirdos going in and out all day and night).

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 25/08/2024 09:23

Hillrunning · 25/08/2024 09:21

I suppose I'd be a bit put out if it then had to stay quiet in my own house till later morning/ afternoon when she wakes up. Getting in at 5, so she'll be asleep till about 1pm. But id suck it up for one day.

Well the OP a doesn’t need to be quiet quiet, I’d just crack on with my day and offer her a cup of tea when she wakes up before she heads home.

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 25/08/2024 09:23

But he does know her and wanted to help her out? I’d be a lot more annoyed with my husband if he’d left this woman alone on the street to deal with her problem.

The way you write about it is like you’re a parent and your husband is your teenager who’s let their mate sleepover without asking you first. but you’re both adults and it’s your home equally.

tiddletiddleboomboom · 25/08/2024 09:23

Yes, it's a bit of a shock but as a one off?- its fine. It was kind of him to help.

However, what I would be pissed about is if this turned into a regular thing- thats not ok.

Give him the benefit of the doubt this time. He did a good thing.

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