Husband brought colleague home overnight

Op I think it was a spontaneous kind gesture. Of course people with MH issues still work (as questioned up thread) and Jesus
yes people lose their keys…all the time. I’m a sound sleeper so I would not expect a wake up ask/rell. Surely you wouldn’t say no at midnight when they arrived so he made the best decision at the time. After she is gone support his decision affirm his empathy and revisit your marital boundaries…that’s a one off DH because surely losing her keys is a one off…
yes be vigilant about the savior syndrome and her just as you will always be vigilant about any female in the environment who seems overly needy or interested in your husband but not everyone is predatory and some people just don’t have a well organized life or a line up of family and friends to rely on. “The kindness of strangers”.

If I were her employer, I would want to know about this as part of duty of care. It's one thing losing house keys but exhaustion and bad mental health whilst working in a hospital can be a risk to others.

You're in a committed relationship with a man who is kind and compassionate to others. This is a good thing!

I also think this.

It could be a one off but there’s a chance that it isn’t.

In an emergency, with a woman who you have said has extremely poor mental health, your husband had to rescue the situation. The problem is this woman might start to use your husband as a crutch for whatever problems she needs help with.

Ive seen it myself with a friend of mine and her husband. Phone-calls at odd hours, effectively becoming an emergency contact in a crisis, covering for her at work, being the shoulder to cry on. My friend, while very sympathetic, had to put her foot down, it was starting to affect their family life.

If it’s a one off fine, but make sure your husband isn’t being put into a position of having to provide this type of care in the future.

Sounds as if it was a nice thing for him to do - though obvs. you wouldn’t want it on a regular basis!

My dh once phoned me from Heathrow after a business flight back, to tell me he was bringing an elderly Egyptian woman home to stay the night! Apparently the plane had been late so she’d missed her connecting flight to relatives in Canada, and had very little cash or means to pay for anything.

She made herself at home straight away - asked what was for dinner, didn’t fancy it, so came with me to Asda for something she liked! Zero hint of embarrassment.
It was pretty obvious though that she wasn’t at all well off.
I drove her back to Heathrow for her flight the next day - she was very effusive in her thanks and pouring the blessings of Allah on me and dh.

I’m v glad dh didn’t make this a regular thing, though!

Mixed on this one. As she's a friend/colleague of DH, I would trust his judgement.

Also, well done to him not leaving her alone.

But on the other hand... if this was a man and not a woman, no I wouldn't be happy..especially with kids in the house and they woke up and went down stairs.

Double standard I know, but statistically a man is more of a risk to children than a woman....

Given all the man hating that goes on here on MN when a man does a good, decent thing that fact we have a negative post about it just…🤪

If the colleague is able to work I assume she would not be a risk to other people. I'd also trust my partner to make that call

I'd be furious that he brought somebody with "really bad" mental health issues into our home where our young children were! Also what if one of them or OP woke up after DH had gone to sleep and went downstairs for a drink?

I wouldn't have been thrilled but I would do the same for some of my colleagues because it would feel like the right thing to do. I actually offered my spare room to one one night after work because of road closures once. It ended up not being necessary and it was only the spare room because at the time we had one otherwise it would have been the sofa.

If someone did the same for me I would accept if I was desperate and be very grateful.

I hate people staying over when I haven't had a heads up, but I'd be proud of my husband in this scenario.

Also, I'd get him to make me a cup of tea and bring it upstairs, before going to wake her up.

I'd prefer this scenario to him staying out for hours 'helping her wait for the lock smith'

I agree

I think it's a bit odd to offer a colleague a sofa for the night. It's the kind of thing you offer a friend and having only been in the job a year, I can't imagine developing that close a friendship.

I am also conscious I have really different boundaries around work relationships than others though. I have quite a strict definition of a "friend" as opposed to a colleague with whom I am friendly. I have worked with some people for years and love their company and would NEVER invite them to my home!

So it sounds like this is a difference in boundaries around friendship and work and/or friendship and home life. Your DH has more of an "open door" policy and you are not. That is fine and now you know you can talk about it.

Does he have a tendency to be a bit of a saver/saviour? If you have different values/boundaries on this, it can cause real tension.

I would absolutely hate a stranger in my home, especially with my kids!

But he did what he thought was best in the moment.

Don’t be angry or upset over him trying to do a good deed.

Just ask that in future he books them a hotel and makes sure they arrive there safely.

I would see this as a chance to make a friend and it sounds like she could really do with a friend right now.

I wish more people would go for clean breaks and changed locks and would not foist their problems on friends of friends. No need for this drama, not a life-and-death situation. Your ex was not beating or threatening you - then I agree it would have been different - I am all for providing shelter for the night to people who are in danger, no 'buts' and 'ifs' about it.

You can't change locks if that person has a right to live in the home.
I'm glad my friends don't share your POV.

I wouldn't be happy at all with this on a few levels:

I wouldn't be happy waking up and finding a stranger sleeping in my home. Especially with small children in the house.

He could have texted you, called you when they finished their shit to let you know she was coming home with him. Why didn't he? Did he think you wouldn't be happy with her coming home with him?

If her mental health issues are so bad shouldn't be off sick rather than at work in job where these issues could impact her ability to do it responsibly. If she can't organise her own life - losing house keys? - how can she help other people.

Why does your DH think he is responsible for helping her with her mental health? It's not his job if she is just a work colleague.

If he was giving her a lift home then she realised she had no keys, perhaps he was tired and just wanted to go home and offered for her to stay over and try to sort her key issue in the morning.
I wouldn't have a problem with that.

Difficult.
I'd be annoyed because I'm very wary of strangers around my children female or male.

But
I'd also love how caring and kind hearted a gesture it is, to help a colleague in need.

This is exactly the response I would expect from DH, and I put him in a similar situation when I had to dash out in the middle of the night to retrieve a colleague and her DC when her arsehole husband had come in drunk and abusive again. I didn't wake him, I just told him in the morning that colleague and her DC were in our spare room. DHs response was to make pancakes for all of the DC for breakfast, understanding they were in a difficult situation and I was dealing with a very distraught mum. (It's also one of the only things he comes well so he loves an opportunity to make stacks of pancakes 😁)

Although, the fact that it was 11pm not actually the end of a real night shift does change it a bit and does mean that he probably should have woken her up, I do agree.