To wonder if it’s normal to not enjoy days with your children ?

We did lots of walks and play areas outside. Aldo older dc did have inside activities sitting at a table and younger sister wasn’t allowed to interfere. They are different ages and need different things to keep them occupied. Mine never really played together as they had the same age difference as yours. Older one liked stories and a quiet time too.

It’s always to say NO when they whine and whinge. Get them to articulate what they want. However playing nicely together, whilst it’s the Holy Grail, is often not achievable. Wearing them out with a walk or visit to a park can work,

Yes my youngest has excellent speech and he’s had far less tantrums etc because he has been speaking very well since turning 2. He can talk about his emotions and needs.

By contrast my eldest had a speech delay and only really spoke in sentences and had a much more limited vocabulary until 3.5 it made a huge difference.

It’s such hard work! I always made sure I had an activity planned for the morning as that was the best time of day to take them out. Then home for or after lunch (packed lunch), tv and chill for a bit then play at home.

Mine are 3 and 5 now and it’s so much easier. I look back at photos when they were smaller and think my god that was a difficult time. I feel like I’ve emerged from the dark age or something. Life is so much easier.

I enjoy my days with my dcs, I'm a sahm so I'm with them every day. But the eldest is at school and it's definitely more enjoyable to have just one dc to worry about for most of the day. Very glad we had that bigger gap to allow for that. In the holidays she does a lot of activity camps so she is out of the house for school hours. When I have both of them together we do trips out as it's easier to manage than having them indoors all day.

14m is such a hard age. they can:

• move and break stuff/hurt themselves,
• make a mess/cause havoc
• cry really loud
• have a tantrum over god knows what
• produce massive shits
• inadvertently piss off older child

But they can't

• play on much at a park without loads of help
• play properly with most toys except simple stacking/shape sorting etc without loads of help
• talk/explain what they want
• move anywhere under their own steam at any real pace
• use the toilet
• be a proper companion/playmate for elder child

Our DC didn’t like Reception as all the EYFS judgey stuff like zip up coat was tricky for him being very tiny and prem. He liked the phonics and in Year 1 there was much more learning to enjoy

It sounds awful but in some ways I’m really looking forward to her turning 3

Not awful at all. For me the key was speech, by 2.5 most can talk and it makes a massive difference. Plus they can ride a scooter etc

Threads like this always make me chuckle too about how people think kids are "so little" to be starting school at 5.... meanwhile most people with an old in year kid finds by about age 4.5 that good god do they need to be in school! Many kids get bored at home well before age 5 and are ready for the social interactivity of school. Especially as reception is EYFS and completely play based.

Individually, they are just lovely. Together, they bicker, cry, etc it ruins most days out. It's so draining.

It’s the ages. Our DDs are 5.5 and 3 and so much easier this summer than last (am a teacher, so do all of the holiday childcare myself). Once the youngest can race around a park, scoot, cycle etc then your days will be much easier as they will be able to enjoy the same activities.

Oustedbymymate i think thats a good strategy, i did similar.

Things like swimming worked well, they both liked it and it knackered them out

Any chance that on your days off you could have them alternately in nursery, so you get a day with each of them separately?

Don't do this. As they get older they need to learn to appreciate each others company and play together. If they are barely ever together & used to having your sole attention they will just fight for your attention and squabble on the occasions they are together. They need to learn (elder one especially) to occupy themselves a bit and share your attention. It will help a lot when eldest starts school as it offers a lot of stimulation.

Its a sacrifice right now because its a bit crap for you but it will really pay off. Mine are now 7.5 and just 5 and it was so tricky at 18m & 4 but now they play together loads and its brilliant. They have played loads since the youngest got to about 2.5 & could talk etc.

God yes it's hard work. Mine are 2 and 4.

My plan when at your ages were I would plan stuff for oldest and youngest just came along for the ride as you will. If they could get involved too great.

Then home for the little one nap. One to one time with eldest doing stuff can't do with youngest eg marble run games eyc.

Then afternoon out for walk/bike/park. Wherever possible. When weather shit indoors games. Start cooking tea around 4/4.30. Tea 5-5.30. 5-30 - 6.15 ish play/tv down time. 6.15-7 bedtime routine.

And repeat!

Bloody difficult ages, it gets better for sure. I used to mentally break the day up into 30 minute stints. If an activity lasted longer than 30 minutes it was a miracle.

This is an amateur with only one child speaking, but would it be better to prioritise doing things the older one enjoys, and finding ways to manage the littl'un during it?

My son was uninterested in arts and crafts too. All was OK as long as he was moving. The only painting he enjoyed was stark naked painting a wall or fence with big brushes and a bucket of water - I recommend this.

Play doh, stamp set, basic card games, role play, den building... Kinetic sand

Lego for oldest? Making something?
Or if your busy and out in the am with walk, club activity... Then tv for a little in the afternoon?

Its a hard combination of ages. Its ok to feel like this but also not to necessarily want full time work- its like all the rewarding bits are enough even though its knackering. Plus it really is better for a child of 14 months to have a bit more time at home if its financially possible

That is an exhausting age - very demanding in their different ways, and unable to entertain each other.

Any chance that on your days off you could have them alternately in nursery, so you get a day with each of them separately?

At that age… no, not unreasonable.

I didnt really start enjoying mine until they were 5 and older!

Can you not go full time at work OP?