I'm quitting teaching, I've decided, AIBU?

OP I wasn’t a teacher but worked in a school on tech side of things.

HT was a complete Cow, the other teachers were on the whole lovely. Most of us were working out now and when to leave.

absolutely go off sick, don’t go back.

one of my teacher friends coaches 11+ and her core subjects for exams and is really happy doing it.

one day the government is going to wake up with no teachers, my grandkids are being failed by all the crap teachers have to put up with and their awful classmates. DGC was asked to sit with school bully to see if he could rub off some good behaviour. The nice kids don’t want to play with my DGS now because he’s ’friends’ with school bully. Teacher will not allow him to now sit elsewhere and his education is being disrupted.

In 30 years of working as an employment lawyer, I have come to the conclusion that the vast majority of teachers who become managers are entirely unsuited to the demands of the role, both intellectually and on a practical level. This is not restricted to the teaching profession, but appears to be particularly bad within it in the UK. The US system of separate administrators i.e. managers, and teachers who simply teach generates a much lower rate of litigation.

For all the criticism that there is of multi-academy trusts in the UK, it should be recognised that standardised protocols are the most practical way forward, with all parties aware of where they stand. Any other system comes down to different treatment of individuals, favouritism/nepotism, and all that goes with it.

Try another school?

Firstly, sorry you’re feeling like this! I tried doing teacher training about 10 years ago - and I lasted 10 weeks 😂😂 so absolute kudos to you for doing it for as long as you have. And I’m sure you’re an excellent teacher, as it’s clear you really care about your pupils and enjoy working with them. The world really needs more of those teachers (and people), so I’m sorry you’re thinking of leaving.

Secondly, in terms of a potential career change, have you considered working for the Civil Service? I work there, and they employ lots of former teachers. There are loads of roles available around the U.K. and you’ll have lots of helpful transferable skills from teaching that you can bring to a role there. The benefits are also good - good annual leave, pension etc. Happy for you to message me if you’d like to find out more about the CS 😊

So much of the advice on this thread is not really in your interest OP. Your mental health is important, and having a living is important. Both things can be true.

It makes good sense to exit in as clean and seamless a way as possible. It also makes sense to work on your mental health and resilience which will serve you in the next environment.

There will be stress no matter what new job you end up in. Bullies exist in all walks of life. It would be a great idea now in the place of overwhelm and anxiety that you are in to think about all the choices and options that can give you back a sense of agency and move forward in the best possible way.

If you give your notice without a plan, and end up finding getting a new line of work difficult, it will be an incredibly negative situation. I have seen this for a number of friends who have left work during a time of stress or bad working conditions without something lined up. While there are lots of stories of people who quit jobs and set up successful businesses - there are fewer anecdotes about those who found the job hunt soul destroying and didn't find a great onward situation but it's a real possibility and not a good one.

Work out a plan that gets you out in a way that preserves having an income and independence as a priority. I think you're making the right decision to make a change and get out of an awful situation and wish you every success.

Loving your reactions to the MN bullies OP
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 You don't come across as someone easily put down, so your experiences must truly be awful at your school.

Of course YANBU. I was in your position 10 years ago. Bullied by the new HT, terrified of opening her emails. She stripped me of my dignity over 2 years. I had no plan, no job to go to, but had to leave as was torn up inside by her attacks which were sometimes in public. She systematically turned longstanding loyal colleagues against me. It was a deliberate campaign on her part, and so humiliating to me as a previously highly respected teacher of 20 years experience.

Anyway, after 2 years othher behaviour i couldn't take anymore. So I resigned, then signed up to 3 supply agencies. After a while, I took up the opportunity to become self employed which I loved. It took years to heal from this experience.

Good luck to you, I wish you all the very best.

I left teaching 4 years ago after 5 years in both mainstream and special. I too used to hope for a road accident on the way to work in the morning. I used to hate the August bank holiday because while everyone else was looking forward to a long weekend, for me in symbolised having to go back to work.

I hated the long hours, the parents, the monotony, the “being on” all the time, the useless manager I had in my final two years.

I realised it was time to get out when my friend from uni also left teaching and I felt indescribably jealous!

I left to go and work for my LA Education Team in a role I was passionate about, for more money. I have since been promoted.

My salary is in the mid £50s, I WFH about 60% of the time, get out into the community the rest of the time. On the extremely rare occasion I work late or at a weekend it is because I have chosen to because I have had a burst of enthusiasm or inspiration and I can usually claim the time back as flexi.

I left teaching after 20 years. I loved teaching, but after having my own kids I just couldn't devote all the extra time to my work that I had before them. I was burnout and just decided to leave.
I ended up cleaning with a friend for about 12 months, which I absolutely loved. It gave me the time I needed to decompress and think about what I wanted to do.
I ended up working for the local council. I no longer have the holidays and the pay isn't as good, but I actually have a life outside of work. I do a sport everynight after work, I also sew crochet and bake. When I go away on holiday I don't think about work at all.
Good luck finding something new, as a teacher you have lots of transferable skills.

I thought the whole point of posting on AIBU was to get different opinions and viewpoints. Just because some people are not saying what the OP wants to hear, that doesn’t make them "bullies", even if they are wrong. You are devaluing the word "bully" when you use it like that.

You sound like you really enjoy teaching. Could you do private tutoring?

What about a move to part time? 3 days a week in teaching allows a more normal work life balance. If you still want to leave the other 2 days allow you a little time for job hunting/training.

You won't have given in to the bully if you go on to have a much nicer life and also, by removing their 'supply', they move onto another and the more times this happens, the more obvious is it that they are, indeed a bully.

If it was just the bully that is the issue, then you would have a point but the others are backing the bully so they are all shits.

Get out.

I worked in a profession that notoriously cannot get or keep staff. It is because of toxic workplaces and a natural imbalance between the people that work in the profession. The managers are also not natural managers but, due to the lack of staff (see above) anyone and everyone gets to take a managemental role no matter their training or suitability. This adds to the toxicity.

I wish now, looking back, I had not bothered to train for this profession but instead just worked in factories and in shops. Jobs where, once I left for the day, I never gave the place another thought until I walked back in. I would be healthier and probably richer as I would have had less time off ill and with stress.

Don't underestimate how sick making a toxic work environment can be.

Good luck, OP.

I made the leap a couple of years back. Just quit and never looked back. Best thing I ever did.

No you are 100% not being unreasonable.

It’s f*in toxic in many schools. I got out too. I experienced and saw this exact bullying in three schools I taught in. It’s rife and people outside of teaching don’t realize.

Schools are breeding grounds for bullying and toxicity amongst staff and amongst students. Run for the hills.

I'm still in teaching I'm afraid! But I'm in an independent school. Everyone I knew in state is either leaving or desperate to do so. Apart from one person who got rapidly promoted and has turned into the slt we used to hate (her favourite phrase is "it won't take much extra time so just do it").

My sister just left teaching and does lots of tutoring. Mostly home schooled children, school refusers etc. It isn't as well paid but she loves it. My best friend is doing a part time uni course in nutrition whilst working part time in school. Once the course is over she's moving to that role.

Because of the current financial situation in independent schools I'm looking at uni outreach just in case. My subject (physics) is shortage and I live near a city with two universities.

I have a couple of friends who have moved from mainstream into special and whilst they have both said the paperwork is less (though this does seem to be rising) they’ve said that managing the adults in the room (far more adults than you ever get in a mainstream classroom) can be incredibly difficult and quite stressful. One friend was really turned upon by a group of support staff in her classroom who had all worked together for years and they were vile to her.

There will be issues in all jobs, I’m sure-but they both said that the ‘managing adults’ aspect of teaching in special was something they hadn’t anticipated being so hard and worth being aware of in advance.

@JemimaTiggywinkles Yes! I want perks such as going to the loo, being trusted with my workload and some empathy when I'm unwell. Maybe even being able to take doctors appointments...

What type of job do you do now? How hard did you find getting one?

Yes, I don't think I suggested otherwise.

I think so many teachers will identify with you. I worry to think where the teaching profession will be in a few years time. It’s bad enough now.

I totally understand everything you say.

I left teaching a couple of years ago and went into an education management position in a cultural institution. I took a 50% pay cut and lost the holidays. Honestly, it wasn't worth it for me. I was working just as hard as in teaching (I know, I wasn't expecting that either) as the institution I worked for was chaotic and understaffed, and I had zero job satisfaction, because the human connection I love about teaching wasn't there.

I went back to teaching but to a private school. Workload is very manageable and I enjoy the job. I don't really do very much at home apart from at crunch points in the term when I get hit with loads of exam marking.

You have to think about why you want to leave. If you still love teaching, then a different school is often the best answer. If teaching itself no longer inspires you, then teachers are in high demand in many other sectors. I would recommend going to a careers coach to go through your CV with you and help you rewrite it to show your transferrable skills, help you identify what you would like to do, and then get you started on a job search. Many former teachers go into the civil service, local councils, universities, cultural institutions, etc, but when you've been in one job for a really long time and that's how you see and identify yourself, you often need a bit of outside help to support you in reframing your professional future.

Good luck.

OP, I'm so glad you're putting yourself first. I made the jump from toxic school to a different one - I agreed in my head that if I didn't enjoy it I was quitting by October half term. It was a complete world away from what I left and I've been here 7 years now.

For example, where I work I don't ask anyone if I can go home when I'm ill - I trusted as an adult to know if I'm too ill to be at work. It seems shocking to me know that in previous place professional adults were told they didn't look ill enough to go home. When I was off for a whole week in the first half term they sent flowers and told me not to worry about cover work.

As for sick pay through notice period - you're doing the right thing. Not just for yourself either, though that obviously matters. A stressed adult really shouldn't be in charge of children because it is a recipe for disaster. The potential harm that could be caused to a child just isn't worth it.

For people judging the OP for knowing how long she'll be off sick for - it's like getting annoyed at someone for knowing they'll be travel sick for exactly the length of the car journey. The workplace is causing the illness so she'll be ill as long as she's employed there. It isn't OP's fault they refuse (for a whole year) to deal with workplace bullying, nor that notice periods are so long.

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

Specials are wonderful places. Less pressure to achieve exams. More holistic teaching. More staff about, due to the needs of the children. And the staff are generally very caring people, as you have to be because of the needs of the children.

Personally, I think it's more paperwork, as you have to cater for individual needs and can't reuse lessons as easily. And you need a lot of resilience if you're working in a SEMH school. But it's so very very rewarding.

@SippedAway so glad you've moved on. What did you move into BTW? All the jobs I am looking at look like I will get trapped in a lower paid role with no progression and I desperately want to work myself into soemthing that eventually is better paid.

This is what I don't understand about teachers/teaching. Why is there such a 'thing' about deciding to do another job? Loads of people hand their notice in and decide to do something else everyday with no drama.

I’m not sure there are people leaving other professions on the same scale, are there? There are 160,000+ teachers on the Exit the classroom Facebook group. 40,000 teachers left the classroom last year.

Are there similar numbers of people who loved accountancy/speech therapy/dentistry/midwifery enough to spend 4/5 years training and then felt they had no choice but to leave? It’s a huge amount of time and emotional investment in training and doing these careers and is not the same as working in a shop for a year and then leaving and going to work in a garage.