To stop 17 year old DS from going on a lads holiday?

I wouldn't. He will get himself into trouble. When hes 18 but not 17

This - hammer this home. His mates will get sick of him.

Mine got blind drunk at home at 17 and embarrassed himself in front of his mates - DH had to take them home early. But he learned his lesson quick. The problem here is that yours hasn’t - so far anyway.

Let him go. They have to make their own mistakes. That's how they learn.

To cope with what though having a talk about the fact he is using alcohol to cope (sounds like he is) and should stop doesn’t actually address how to help him cope which it sounds as if he needs

If I am understanding correctly, you are considering this holiday ban not as punishment, but because you are genuinely concerned DS might come to harm?

I do understand, but it’s actually really unlikely. Give him the horror stories, or better still, get his dad or an older male to do it. He will probably think you are being overprotective as his mum.

I would be inclined to wave him off (don’t think you can stop him really) and ask for a daily message so you know he’s okay?

Do you have him on find my friends? Or would that make you more worried 😂

Let him go, but have a sharp chat with him about the behaviour you expect at home

I’d use the latest incident as a chance for another chat. Ask him why he got in this state again and what he thinks he can do to stop this happening abroad.

It is pretty normal behaviour to get drunk when you’re 17. Banning him from going on holiday, when he’s usually a sensible boy, is not the right way to deal with it.

Let him go. We were all 17 once.

For me it is too late to stop him going but I wouldn’t anyway. Just keep channels of communication open with him and keep saying your message to him. We’ve had similar behaviour from our 18 year old DD but she was an adult then so we just keep talking her through. She is a great kid but no one is perfect. Your lad sounds the same.

Next time he cones home so drunk , take out your phone and take some photos. Pose him with stupid items.
When he is sober, explain he was so out of it you took these photos, but it could have been worse, someone bad could have raped him, to robbed him or he could have made a baby and had 18 years of paying for it.

sit him down and give him all the horror stories - prison, ending up in intensive care etc

i know parents who grounded their kids after very drunken behaviour so you could try getting firmer. He does need a letter from you to help him get through passport control so that could be your leverage

Will the friend who called his Mum to collect your DS not have a word with him about not drinking too much and ruining the fun for everyone else? It sounds like he's a decent mate who won't leave him drunk and stranded, but obviously he's not going to be happy if he has to cut his night short to look after your DS. Thinking back to my uni days and the people who struggled to know their limits and got overly emotional or passed out drunk, soon got told by friends to stop doing it and normally they got the message and learned to drink less.

If they're planning on doing some sightseeing, if he's hungover he might be too unwell to join in, so that may be a bit of a deterrent to getting blackout wasted.

I think you (and the lord 😬) knew he’d be doing the same things you did on holiday at that age. Getting blind drunk being one of them.

I think you’re having an understandable wobble because you’ve now see him in that state. No parent wants to see that, it’s horrible and worrying but probably inevitable until he learns how to drink without going too far.

You might cause bigger problems if you stop him going. Just remind him how much of his money he will be wasting if he spends the whole trip switching between paralytic and hungover. Also it seems his friend didn’t want him around in that state either.

I think he has to be allowed to go, on the grounds he paid for it and you didn't set out the conditions in advance (I.e if you get pissed again you aren't going) so otherwise he'll be resentful forever.

I think the points about a) travel insurance not paying out if you're bladdered and b) knowing your limits because friends' patience wears thin if you don't and c) recognising that if you're feeling sad alcohol makes you feel worse so not generally a good plan are probably worth making though.

Remind him about techniques for getting drunk without getting so drunk you can't have a good time: e.g. alternate alcoholic drink with non alcoholic, getting a coke and it could be a rum and coke if someone asks, drinking beer rather than spirits etc.

I definitely got completely drunk aged 17-19 and yes it's not ideal but it's also not a catastrophe.

Talk to him about it. He’s not a small child where you can take away his favourite toy for a day so don’t treat him like one. You say yourself you did the same at the same age, it’s normal behaviour.

Totally understand why you're anxious, but you need to let him go. He's 17, getting drunk is almost a rite of passage, most of us have done it!
You say he's normally trustworthy and sensible....if you stop him going, then I don't think your relationship will recover. My son was 16 when he wanted to go to his first rock festival, camping for three days with his mates.....I was so worried but he had an absolute blast. He was also a good lad, so I felt if I stopped him going then he may well have thought, what's the point in behaving myself (on the whole!), she doesn't trust me. So off he went and I'm pretty sure they all drank too much and parted 24/7 but they all came back in one piece....filthy, exhausted but in one piece!

If you stop him he will resent you, forever.

I dont know how you can stop him, short of stealing his passport.
I would not have looked kindly on my mom if she had tried to stop me doing anything after age 15. Got to make your own mistakes to learn from, but at 17, I would have taken no notice.

When will he be old enough in your eyes to travel abroad?

Thankfully he seems to have sensible friends! Does he know why he gets so drunk? Drinking too quickly/strong alcohol/no food?

I completely get you being cautious and don't think it's normal. I would see how he is today, if he's not taking onboard his behaviour then he might not be old enough or sensible enough to go away.

I think it's a balance though as you don't want to ruin your relationship with him. How come his friends are already 18?

I don’t think you can/should stop him.

i would sit him down and have another really serious chat with him about drinking and being abroad etc and even show him some news stories to make him see how serious it can get. Even the latest one with that poor boy in Tenerife.