To be livid with DS - or should I be chalking this up to youthful silliness?

Shouting is lax and lazy parenting.

Used sparsely and appropriately, it isn't. I rarely shout ( well more stern ,firm voice) at home or at work (I work with kids) so when I do , all the kids know they really crossed a line and they stop and actively listen.

Odd how there are a few wierdly aggressive posters that feel a need to mock and denigrate any reply to the OP that isn’t all for shouting at DC.

Almost like the parents that are justifying such displays of anger have anger issues just with reading a different opinion on a forum and lack the self control to be tolerant of other parenting options.

I completely agree with this. I was just coming on to say I don’t think you overreacted at all. I think you reacted proportionately.

It’s not okay for them to sneak out in the middle of the night to a place where they’re vulnerable and neither is it okay for them to leave you and your house in a vulnerable position by leaving the living room window open. I’d be angry and upset too.

Later on today, when things are still fresh but the heat of the moment have passed, I’d suggest having a chat with your DS to explain exactly why you were angry. Sorry if you’ve already done that - if you have, please ignore me! I just thinking it would be really helpful to have a proper chat with him to explain calmly and clearly why it’s dangerous to do what he did. I do appreciate that it’s challenging to do this, given he has ADHD and may have less risk awareness than other teens his age.

They are adults now. Didn’t need to shout at them to be successful.

Shouting is lax and lazy parenting.

I don’t think a parent like this would be in my or my kids friendship circle to be honest. If that’s how a child is parented I can’t see them having anything in common with my own children at school.

I would have reacted similarly OP as the potential for harm to have come to them both would have been my 1st thought and definitely escalated my reaction.
The fact that your son has a diagnosis of ADHD (as does mine) adds the concern due to the ability to risk assess a situation, as does being a teenager, it's important he comprehends how dangerous his actions were.
I think the current punishments/consequences you have put in place will be enough as with ADHD the consequences need to be immediate, delayed and long term consequences aren't as effective as he will be unable to correlate them in the same way so they are ineffective.
You've taken his phone which for most teenagers is their lifeline and will probably be enough. If the punishment is too harsh he has nothing to lose, which could escalate any negative behaviours.
Got to love the teenage years! They go quickly though, so as annoying and worrying as they can be, focus and enjoy this stage of his development too.

How old are your children?

Well yes exactly - so if OP thinks child is likely to go to their parent and say "My friend's mum shouted at us and took my phone!!" then OP may wish to pre-empt and let the parent know that she did indeed shout because they had given her a fright by wandering around in the middle of the night unattended!

"If it had been my teen at your sleepover I would have thought your reaction to be extreme and expected an apology to myself and my teen."

You'd be waiting a very long time for an apology off me 🤣

Ty

A huge insight. Absolutely shocking the amount of bad parenting and lack of care of your own child (and someone else’s child) there has been on this thread. It does at least highlight why there are so many poorly parented children around.

I suspect though that a lot of the cavalier replies are from people who aren’t actually parents and are looking at it from their own (once) teenage eyes. Perhaps if they do become parents they will view it differently (one hopes).

So you haven’t RTFT, the idiotic use of myself when it should be the word ME, AND you’re a lax and lazy parent

wonder why you think anyone would be at all interested in your wisdom?

It’s not sneaking to just go outside so close to the house you hear the window open….

I said I would like an apology for this other parent OTT shouting at my teenager, as it isn’t their right to set boundaries for or punish my kid.

What is going to happen to my kid? If they are so close they can hear a window open, how far away can they be? Close enough for me.

An open window isn’t leaving a house unsecured 😂 it’s summer, I have half a dozen windows open all day and all night.

I know OP hasn’t said this. I’m responding to PP who said “The OP shouting isn't putting anyone in danger. It's called parenting”. Parenting and shouting are not synonymous. You can deal effectively with misbehaviour without just yelling.

@ToBeDetermined it's right in the OP about the troublemaking gang of boys. Try reading it again.

"No wonder there are kids wandering the streets very late making nuisances of themselves and their parents don’t care."

Agree I'm pretty shocked at some of these responses, and can definitely see why some kids think they can get away with all sorts because the consequences will just be a wet paper towel explanation why it's not a good idea.

It’s what you think you know anyway. And that’s what matters.

Not least because we have a known gang of young teenage boys around here who are an absolute menace and the entire neighbourhood are on watch for them

from the op.

Yes, and proud of it.

So your kid SNEAKS out of someone's house after midnight , and you would want an apology from the host? What if something happened to your kid?

What is wrong with you?

It's not paranoid to be angry at 2 13 yos snuck out of the window, left the house unsecured and went "walkies" in the middle of the night.

My children are toddler so granted I don't know how I would react in the moment, but as a one off I don't think it's that terrible, her son felt apologetic, was really close to home, and it seems odd to me that no one here seems to remember how we pushed boundaries at this age. I mean it wasn't such a risky situation, he wasn't taking meth under a bridge. He will remember not to do it again.
But maybe I'll completely rethink when my kids are that age, granted, and my judgement is probably clouded by the fact it is boys. I would have reacted differently if it were girls, not sure why.

Damned right. Me too.

@GerbilsForever24 absolutely tell the child’s mother.

“If it had been my teen at your sleepover I would have thought your reaction to be extreme and expected an apology to myself and my teen”

I bet you’re a parent who goes marching into school when your child has been told off by a teacher and demands an apology. No thought for the misbehaviour that led to that telling off in the first place. My child can do no wrong and how dare you tell them off and upset them

And people wonder why there are such issues in schools and teachers have had enough so are leaving !

Sorry, but I read all the OP’s posts and she makes no mention of “known gang of troublemakers hanging about” are you quite sure you haven’t imagined this gang?