To be livid with DS - or should I be chalking this up to youthful silliness?

Chill! In 2 years time, according to the Daily Mail, you will be sending him off inter-railing around Europe with his pal. We should all (according to the DM) remember the times children fought in wars for the UK at 14 and worked down the pits at 7 and stop being so restrictive.
DS1 (9) is starting work at Sainsbury's on Monday collecting trollies in the carpark. 5 x 12 hour shifts a week.

I think your initial reaction and actions were fine. There are a lot of very understanding Mums out there who would be happy about their kids leaving the house via a window at 13- that surprises me. Maybe that's why so many feral kids terrorise their neighbourhoods.

This in spades!
Hypothetically if my child ever did that at your house, I would be happy with how you responded.

What? They're 13 and sneaking out the house at 2am. You are not over reacting.

I completely agree with this. I think what your son did IS in line with normal young teen silliness - I think your reaction sounds proportionate.

If my child had done this at someone else's house you would have had my full backing in telling them off. I would have given them more of the same when they got home and expected them to apologise to you.

I probably wouldn't carry it on beyond that though but there would absolutely be clear and more long ranging consequences if they ever did it again.

I would have absolutely bollocked them. And made them cry.

I would have hit the roof too. God forbid something had happened them. Now you’re facing into telling the friends parents etc. I’d be furious like you

There's some absolutely bonkers stuff on this thread. Being an all round shouty parent is crap and I think almost everyone would agree that it's better to talk with your kids calmly to resolve things. However in this case it was the middle of the night, the boys left the house secretly, gave OP a fright and put themselves at risk and they got a bollocking for it 🤷 Entirely normal and appropriate. And if I was criticised by the other child's parent for that response then I'd be happy not to host their offspring again.

Honestly, I would be furious and so scared- they got as far as the footbridge before you woke up, what if you hadn’t woke up?

This has got to be a joke. Not allowing your 13 year old to secretly leave the house at 2am is controlling? Fuck me. It's the most basic parenting. Do yours just drag themselves up?

You overreacted EXCEPT about the window being left open. But nipping out in the night to sit on a footbridge is youthful stuff, bless them.

You did fine. The boys were way out of order, you let them know that very clearly. They've learnt a lesson or two, might teach them to think through the consequences of their actions and respect other people. They're growing up, you made it clear that they cannot disrespect boundaries. Get some rest, you deserve it.

You had a right to be livid, as what the boys did was wrong. Yes, teenagers boys rarely think about their actions, but that doesn’t excuse their behaviour.
Raising your voice at them will not scar them for life, but hopefully they will think twice before doing something like that again.
Mumsnet is full of perfect parents with perfect children who are always talked to in a calm and nurturing way. Real parenting is not always like that.

There are a great many shouty parents with out of control kids.

If shouting worked, it would be recommended. It is not recommended anywhere.

Of course 13yos should not be out at 2am, that is not up for debate.

And of course teaching is a different context. I was just explaining the voice - you can be stern without shouting.

@bergbergamotorange personally, I don't condone the sort of out of control shouting sometimes seen, but in my experience, parents who never raise their voice and think a stern talking to is sufficient, are often the ones with children who know they can get away with anything.

Teachers are also different. I have a friend who is a head teacher and she often laments that she can silence 500 children in an assembly with a single look but is routinely ignored by her own children! 🤣🤣

13 year olds shouldn't be out at 2am. And especially not if no one knows where they are.

They did wrong, appropriate to be cross and use a firm voice but shouting isn't helpful and removing the other kids phone was very wrong. I'm glad you have his phone back.

Sounds like you've calmed down though and talked with them more sensibly so I'd leave it there and then have another chat with DS about safety on his own tomorrow

I'd have gone batshit at them, too. That is totally unacceptable behaviour.

If shouting worked it'd be a recommended parenting technique.

Not wanting 2 13 year old out on their own at 2 o'clock in the morning is "controlling" ???!!! Are you on glue @Edingril ???

You earlier suggested "stern" without shouting. Honestly, I am not even sure what that means.

Basically what the most effective teachers do. Kids know the ones who shout have lost control. Shouting isn't effective, especially with older teens. Usually, it's a way for parents to vent their emotions - cathartic but not helpful.

If you did want to understand 'stern but not shouting' there are plenty of resources. The fact you don't know what that means is surprising.

It is hard when they do something scary, of course.

You were absolutely right to be scared, livid, angry, furious etc etc.

To wake up and find not only your son missing but also another child. Your reaction was proportionate. No way would I have taken the phones back in. They would have stayed with me until the morning.

I would also tell the other parents. So they can follow up.

I do think it requires consequences. Being shouted at isn't a consequence.

So worrying about the welfare of your 13 year old child and friend out on the streets after midnight is controlling? Riiiight!

Some of us just rarely shout.

If they were put trying to ram raid an off licence I would have come down like a,tonne of bricks

This good grief are you this controlling always?