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Original poster

To get a teensy bit annoyed at visiting relative’s ever changing dietary restrictions?

141 replies

Koulibiak · 25/08/2024 00:18

Okay some ground rules: this is light hearted. Not a LTB thread. All of us will keep on trying to get along as best we can. But…

Recently we’ve been hosting a relative of DH with lots of dietary restrictions, which she informed us of prior to coming to stay with us (for two weeks). Specifically, no sour foods, no spicy foods, and no tomatoes. For religious/cultural reasons she also doesn’t eat pork or beef.

To be clear, I asked and she specifically said she couldn’t have anything containing citrus, vinegar, yogurt, sour cream, or tamarind. Also no tomatoes or anything hot (chillies).

Now I’ve got to say, I’m a very decent cook. But I have been finding the whole sour/spicy/tomatoes thing rather hard to accommodate. This rules out lots of Chinese, Indian, Japanese, Middle Eastern, Italian, Mexican, Persian etc recipes. I had to spend hours prior to her coming, going through my recipes and making changes so I would make things she could eat.

Then towards the end of her stay, she told me she was fine with “a bit” of lemon, a bit of tomatoes, a bit of chilli. I’m sorry what? I’ve been working my ass off accommodating her for two weeks, making all our food bland, and all of a sudden she’s fine with spices and yogurt and lemon juice? She even asked me to cook prawns with lemon and chilli powder on her last meal. Also ate dal (as a side dish) which I warned had dried chillies in, and had seconds.

I just think it’s a bit thoughtless to invent dietary restrictions you don’t actually have. It’s been stressful for me and I haven’t been able to serve them the best dishes I can make, as everything had to be made bland, and it now seems it was all pointless anyway.

In order to avoid drip feed accusations: DH doesn’t cook. At all. As in, can’t turn the hob on. So any suggestions that I should let DH cook for his relative are pointless. And no, he’s not going to change, as he was rubbish at it and found it very stressful when he cooked (years ago), whereas I’m good at it and it makes me happy to feed people.

I’m just a bit frazzled after two weeks of hosting, and I need a whinge. ☺️

AIBU to think making up blanket food restrictions is not on, when you’re actually fine with the foods?

Oh and yes the relative is MIL. But please let’s not make this a MIL thread 🙏

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 25/08/2024 00:59

Koulibiak · 25/08/2024 00:41

That’s part of the problem, we don’t have baked potatoes ever, I don’t cook bland food! I’m surprised you don’t think that’s restrictive, what other dishes do you think would be good?

Show quote history

That sounds like a you problem. I have food intolerances and allergies, I don't think my food is bland but I wouldn't eat excessively spicy food and your list of extensive cultures of food sounds over the top.

Your MIL maybe just has milder tastes and finds you use too much spice or tomatoes or whatever else so it's easier to say none. You could easily have accommodated her with baked potatoes or something similar without much effort. She's not the unreasonable one here especially if she doesn't speak English well.

theduchessofspork · 25/08/2024 00:57

It sounds v annoying.

Don’r be bending over backwards next time though, that’s what m and s and cook are for

Original poster
Koulibiak · 25/08/2024 00:56

Ponderingwindow · 25/08/2024 00:41

if your mil isn’t making this all up, what her list has in common is that they are all fall under the balsam of Peru categorization.

each of us who has that allergy is able to tolerate different foods from the group to different degrees. For example, I can have lime juice, but just being near lemon zest will trigger anaphylaxis.

it’s extremely difficult to explain to someone else preparing food for you. It’s also difficult because manufacturers are not required to list many of the ingredients explicitly on labels. They can end up under things as “natural flavors” or “spices”. That means every time you eat something, even if you have had it before, it can be a risk because the ingredients may have changed.

reaching out to companies is pretty much worthless. Many of them don’t even know what they have sourced from other manufacturers.

I have a very long list of foods I can’t eat. I still eat really tasty food at home, but when eating out my meals do tend to have to be very plain. I am absolutely sick of eating Caesar salads without croutons. Yet they are one of the few things on a menu I know are likely to be safe and a restaurant can generally make a meal sized portion even if they normally only serve a side salad. I can’t have the croutons because the push for multigrain means they might have oats.

Thank you, that’s very interesting and is giving me more understanding of what I’m dealing with!

sorry you have to deal with that though - sounds horrendous. 💐

OP posts:
Original poster
Koulibiak · 25/08/2024 00:54

TheClawDecides · 25/08/2024 00:33

'Couldn't turn the hob on', my arse (bet he can drive a car and turn a computer on?) but anywaaaaay! 🤣🤣

Well that would be it for me OP. No more pandering and I would tell them why next time too.

They eat what they're given, cook for themself (assuming they can turn the hob on) or they go hungry.

Life's too short for this shite.

Actually no he can’t drive a car, he has physical limitations and I accept him for who he is.

Also MIL is quite frail and lifting heavy pots (most of mine are creuset types) is just impossible for her.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 25/08/2024 00:53

Your husband has you well trained, I'll give him that.

Original poster
Koulibiak · 25/08/2024 00:50

suburberphobe · 25/08/2024 00:27

^Well, I wouldn't be up for any of that at all and suggest they book an Airbnb or a hotel.

She's treating you like a maid.

She really isn’t. She is very polite and generally considerate, tries hard to take as little space as possible, and is undemanding.

OP posts:
Original poster
Koulibiak · 25/08/2024 00:48

DrFosterWentToGloucester23 · 25/08/2024 00:25

Urgh! This is like my ‘vegan’ friend who ate another friend’s left over steak on a hen do and has been known to eat bags of Haribo. Really bloody annoying.

Next time, could you send her a list of meals you were thinking of making and ask if they’d be suitable? This places the onus on her to take a bit of responsibility. Or, ask her what she would eat in a normal week to get some suggestions.

Gosh that must have been so annoying.

I don’t mind cooking vegan/vegetarian dishes at all, it’s the lack of flavours that stumps me.

She wouldn’t be able to comment on a list of dishes. I can’t explain why - something to do with her personality, bringing up and culture - she needs to make a big show of not asking for anything. I genuinely don’t think she realises how annoying this is.

I’ve asked many times for her recipes. She is not very articulate in English, so I’ve got nowhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Koulibiak · 25/08/2024 00:41

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 25/08/2024 00:24

Two weeks of baked potatoes would have stopped it. Don't bend over backwards to accommodate, just make a bland alternative that complies with all dietary needs.

If they are genuine they will be happy, otherwise they should be offering to cook a few times themselves.

To be fair that's not massively restrictive though.

That’s part of the problem, we don’t have baked potatoes ever, I don’t cook bland food! I’m surprised you don’t think that’s restrictive, what other dishes do you think would be good?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 25/08/2024 00:41

if your mil isn’t making this all up, what her list has in common is that they are all fall under the balsam of Peru categorization.

each of us who has that allergy is able to tolerate different foods from the group to different degrees. For example, I can have lime juice, but just being near lemon zest will trigger anaphylaxis.

it’s extremely difficult to explain to someone else preparing food for you. It’s also difficult because manufacturers are not required to list many of the ingredients explicitly on labels. They can end up under things as “natural flavors” or “spices”. That means every time you eat something, even if you have had it before, it can be a risk because the ingredients may have changed.

reaching out to companies is pretty much worthless. Many of them don’t even know what they have sourced from other manufacturers.

I have a very long list of foods I can’t eat. I still eat really tasty food at home, but when eating out my meals do tend to have to be very plain. I am absolutely sick of eating Caesar salads without croutons. Yet they are one of the few things on a menu I know are likely to be safe and a restaurant can generally make a meal sized portion even if they normally only serve a side salad. I can’t have the croutons because the push for multigrain means they might have oats.

Farting · 25/08/2024 00:34

Fuck em. Either they don’t come or they bring their own food.

TheClawDecides · 25/08/2024 00:33

'Couldn't turn the hob on', my arse (bet he can drive a car and turn a computer on?) but anywaaaaay! 🤣🤣

Well that would be it for me OP. No more pandering and I would tell them why next time too.

They eat what they're given, cook for themself (assuming they can turn the hob on) or they go hungry.

Life's too short for this shite.

Soundofshuna · 25/08/2024 00:33

We had a vegetarian to stay for 1 week.on the last day we went to the pub for Sunday lunch. She ordered roast beef…

suburberphobe · 25/08/2024 00:27

^Well, I wouldn't be up for any of that at all and suggest they book an Airbnb or a hotel.

She's treating you like a maid.

Fiveminutestomyself · 25/08/2024 00:26

How are you still sane?
I think I would've screamed at the end of that relatives visit.
Next time I'd buy some ingredients and leave the relative to cook their own meals.

DrFosterWentToGloucester23 · 25/08/2024 00:25

Urgh! This is like my ‘vegan’ friend who ate another friend’s left over steak on a hen do and has been known to eat bags of Haribo. Really bloody annoying.

Next time, could you send her a list of meals you were thinking of making and ask if they’d be suitable? This places the onus on her to take a bit of responsibility. Or, ask her what she would eat in a normal week to get some suggestions.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 25/08/2024 00:24

Two weeks of baked potatoes would have stopped it. Don't bend over backwards to accommodate, just make a bland alternative that complies with all dietary needs.

If they are genuine they will be happy, otherwise they should be offering to cook a few times themselves.

To be fair that's not massively restrictive though.