To get a teensy bit annoyed at visiting relative’s ever changing dietary restrictions?

I would have just cooked for her in the way we cooked for DP's very traditional Irish dad. Very plain meat/fish two veg and always potatoes. And always garnished with a bit of cress so he could complain (with a twinkle because he knew we were teasing) about "rabbit food"
@Koulibiak I have tried sitting on my hands, but I can't stop myself. Of course your DP can cook. Of COURSE he can.

When I read the start of your post @Koulibiak I thought fish and chips, pie and mash, cheese and onion quiche with salad no tommies, mince and onion with rice and veg, veg soup and cheesy garlic bread etc. Loads of food meets the dietary specification.

Honestly the menu doesn't need to be what you normally cook minus the fussiness.

But you pushed the boat out (well done btw) and now they finding it bland... did your DH tell her what food you normally cook and describe it as spicy so she restricted the ingredients?

It wouldn't p me off, but then I haven't gone out of my way to change my recipes....

if I was in your situation, I would cook my usual meals for everyone else, and an adapted version for MIL. Eg chicken curry for everyone, plain chicken, plain rice and plain vegetables for MIL. Or normal cooking for everyone and something simple, yet fits diet requirements for MIL, so as not to overly feel like you are spending time cooking 2 meals. Eg omelette with fillings, jacket potato with fillings, in both cases fillings being ingredients you
are putting in your own main meal.

I’d then be judging the situation accordingly. If MIL mentioned her food was repetitive or bland, I’d ask for some of her recipes (as you’ve done in the past) and say you’ll make it the next night. Or MIL might show interest in the main meal and say she’ll have that - in which case you’ll know that’s a meal she can eat. Finally, she may just accept what you are serving her, in which case you’ll know you’ve got it right.

I’ll add - if she was staying for 1-2 nights, I’d probably try and have one meal for everyone. But for 2 weeks, I’d be doing the above plan.

Great idea about jacket potatoes!

Next time, some days cook as you usually would (still avoid pork/ beef) and do her a jacket potato with beans/ cheese etc and see what she eats....

Next time she comes I suggest making a chicken and vegetable risotto, paprika chicken, with peppers, butternut squash, garlic and new potatoes, try chicken(or better salmon if she'll eat it) with a soy, honey and ginger sauce plus rice top with chopped spring onions and sesame seeds if she can eat. Chickpea patties with hummus in pitta and saad with pomegranate and feta.

Lactose issues can mean an issue with cream or milk, plus cream in dishes. Chocolate, cheap ice cream (not real cream) and anything cooked like cake or biscuits would still be fine. I think you misunderstood your friend's issues rather than it being "disordered eating" (an extreme term to use, usually reserved for anorexia etc).

Caesar salad dressing traditionally has lemon juice in it, so please be careful when ordering it.

Is this the first time she's been to stay and is this likely to be a regular occurrence? If so, you need to make changes to avoid this sort of thing in future.

Does she have other children who live near you and do they have any ideas about how to accommodate her dietary requirements with the least stress?

Between the three of you, because DH can act as translator if nothing else, agree 3 or 4 meals she can eat within her dietary restrictions and serve that food on rotation, batch cook if necessary. You don't have to serve the same meals as everyone else when it's so different to what you normally eat. He needs to tell her that you want to serve her food she will enjoy but between the two of them they need to tell you what it is and how to make it.

Does she eat things like soup and eggs? Can she go through the Cook website with DH and they order food she can eat?

Btw that list I've been warned to restrict along with onions - by dr! I actually ignore it myself, I'm not giving up onions especially but I'm away somewhere where it's basically meat or fish and veg every night (another country) and I've had no digestive problems unlike at home, perhaps dr is right

It sounds like she was (perhaps without realising it) testing you and you passed with flying colours, She will eat your food now.

I have really restrictive options for my parents (thankfully they live fairly close so rarely stay for more than 2 days at a time), I just cook traditional English eg roast meat and veg, quiche and salad, pasta dishes, they will eat paella and other European dishes. I also include things they say they don't eat but give English names/pretend an ingredient isn't in it so they eat it!

As long as someone isn't allergic nor avoids for religious reasons/vegetarian, I would just cook it, if people want you to cook I wouldn't sweat it

to me it reads as if your MIL doesn’t like your food (probably because you are making something to please her palate) so is trying to manipulate what you cook. I would make your normal food then make her what you know she will eat but make the same thing every day. That way you get to make your best dishes (which she is welcome to try) and she gets to eat what she wants. I’d wager after 3 days of the prawns she’ll be wolfing down your food….

I had a friend like this. She had disordered eating but wouldn’t admit it so rather than say ‘I won’t have a pudding’ she would invent gluten/dairy intolerances. Didn’t stop her eating all the dairy milk, ice cream and biscuits when she though no one was looking though 😂 Drove me mad.

I don't know why you and your DH needed to eat the bland food. We quite often cook cashews, ginger and chillies in a separate pan anyway for dishes like Korma so that they stay crispy sprinkled on top. Why couldn't you cook, serve her, then add fried chillies and ginger plus some lime if necessary to your portions? Chicken wraps with just you and DH getting a hot sauce. Fried chicken on salad and she can have a different dressing if needed. Baked potato but everyone has different toppings that suit.

Maybe it's an Indian cooking thing, but I'm not really sure why you couldn't just swap other ingredients without it creating difficulty in your recipes. We have a lot of tomatoes, but peppers or lentils can work depending on whether you want the sweetness or wetness.

*mate. Your husband can cook

Could she have acid reflux and able to tolerate the items only once in a while in limited quantities?

If they are genuine they will be happy

I have to follow a restricted diet (proper no-contamination gluten-free diet, with low sugar). And while I see what you're saying, TBH I'm still a human being, and my genuineness wouldn't mean I automatically felt thrilled at the prospect of nothing but baked potatoes for two weeks solid.

I generally try not to inflict my dietary requirements on other people wherever possible, because it's an absolute pain in the arse and I don't trust most people to do it properly. When I do have to stay with family, I have my partner cook sometimes, or miss out bits of a meal (and maybe sub parts with alternatives I can have).

But if someone offered to host me, and then every time that I didn't cook the meal myself they just slapped a baked potato in front of me while everyone else got varied delicious meals, I'm not sure I would feel "happy" — I think I might feel confused and a little sad that even knowing my dietary restrictions they'd offered to host me, but didn't want to include me (and also bored by all the baked potatoes )

I'm not saying that anyone is obligated to go above and beyond, and I would of course be appreciative that they were at least offering me safe food, but I'd take it as a clear message that they didn't want to expend the extra effort to include me, and also probably that they didn't want to host me again. That's fine TBH — I recognise my dietary needs are an imposition and somewhat onerous, which is why I don't stay with people or eat at other people's houses much 😅

My solution has been to ask for one thing they can eat for first meal - and then take them shopping. Carefully reading through every ingredient list is exhausting - they usually know what they can and can’t eat (doesn’t work if they’re international as brands differ).

I can understand why this is really frustrating. But if she can tolerate some but not too much that’s really hard to explain to someone else - none is the easier thing to say.

I have food intolerances - if I stay below the threshold I’ll be fine. Except the way I tell if I pass the threshold is if I get sick. My solution is not to experiment when with people who are accommodating my dietary needs. Even if this does mean eating the yuck option when is likely be fine with the alternative.

Your MIL shouldn’t have started eating stuff she said no to just because it’s confusing and hard for you to get right. Assuming your husband speaks his mother’s language, he needs to have a conversation about food before her next visit - just in case this is all a language misunderstanding.

@Koulibiak that would drive me bonkers. I'd just ensure bread, fruit, cereal was available and make your DH responsible for anything else i.e take out / restaurants - within a budget. Or, as others have said, make her cook! I would lavishly praise any results but liberally spice up with chilli, lemon etc. I'll DM you with my chilli tamarind chutney recipe!

Oh my God, OP, that would drive me barmy!

I can kind of see why someone who was pretty fussy about food might think it's easier to say they don't eat a long list of things rather than say well I'm okay with lemon juice and chili powder on prawns if it's done in this way, but not if it's done in that way. And I like tomatoes in a very specific pasta dish but most tomatoey pasta dishes make me gag, etc. But it would definitely drive barmy. I have a friend who tells me she'll eat anything but she actually eats next to nothing and that's frustrating too as all the food just gets pushed around her plate, but she swears it's no problem!

It's only two weeks, and it's (nearly?) done now, and it sounds like she's otherwise lovely(?) So things could be worse. Just plan the spiciest, most flavourful Thali when she's gone and savour it.

Stop pandering to this nonsense, point her to the nearest supermarket and let her cook for herself

when you start to look, you discover tomato everywhere. It’s one of my top allergens. I would like to go back in time and assassinate whoever invented tomato powder. It’s even showing up in cheese at this point.

I do a lot of hosting for a business group, the number of them who put food preferences on their rsvps and then turn up and tuck into the general dishes whilst ignoring the carefully prepared individual portion of whatever that is gluten, pork and dairy free (or whatever). It does my nut in! I take pride in providing tasty varied food that people can enjoy and some people just take the piss with their diets. True allergies and intolerances arent to be messed with and those that make shit up put true sufferers at risk.

I had this with an in law who came to stay for a week while we were both working full time, who said they couldn’t have: gluten, dairy, meat, fish or sugar. I bent over backwards making vegan, gluten free food, then on the last day we went to a restaurant and they ordered a massive pudding stuffed full of gluten, dairy and sugar and ate it with a smug smile. I almost exploded.