My sister didn’t visit my son in hospital

Ps she doesn't need 'an excuse' not to send your son gifts sorry. You need to accept that she is a diffeeent kind of auntie to the one you would have hoped for but you're not entitled to someone who is obsesssed with your kids.

It sounds like she doesn't have kids? Maybe she wants to and it's not happening?
For a childless woman a baby's milestones aren't that exciting.
She has a duty to look after her pets - she didn't need to come to hospital. If you'd been alone and needed baby things picked up and brought to you then it would have been mean if she was the only one free and she said no, but she knows you have other support.

I think ignorant would be turning a sister who cries about her loo renovation whilst her nephew is sick into a sob story that she is concerned about the number of visitors at hospitals.

I had pnumosepsis as a child and nearly died. I was in an induced coma at one point. They moved me off the ward (old victorian building long ward hospital with no private rooms) to a cleared out store room area so my death wouldn't upset the other children. So I was about as close to death as you can get.

Non of my 10 aunts and uncles visited. Its was a medical emergency, I was severely vulnerable with a seriously weekend immune system and could have died at any point, its is NOT a mass family event.

Hospitals are not fun day trips, you are not suppose to traipse the whole circus through. Its a place for sick people who are at risk, any extra cough or cold these unnecessary people bring in could kill someone.

Some people aren’t interested in children just like some people aren’t interested in horses or gardening.
She probably didn’t realise how ill your son was, to some people they think hospital = treatment = recovery. They don’t see the anxiety for the parents in the middle part of that. And if she’d travelled to the hospital what could she have done?

If you and your sister don’t get on, and her behaviour is often excused/enabled, why would you expect more from her when you have a long, negative history.

My sister and I definitely fell into that category with my mother excusing her which wasn’t surprising since she learned her behaviours from my mother and my mother spoiled her.

We both reached meh status and kept away from each other (easy when you live in different countries) and living our lives only talking to each other on our terms. My father often tried to push the issue for us to speak more and would swear up and down we were raised the same but we weren’t. We had different relationships with our parents, upbringings, and we are opposites. We can’t even say we look related. The only things we had in common is our annoyance at our parents and probably not expecting much from the other.

It wasn’t until we were both pregnant at the same time that we started to talk more, her pregnant with her first and I pregnant with my third. Our daughters are six months apart. My DH has joked that he has seen us talk more in a month than he has the last 10 years.

You can cut her off for not being the sister you want her to be, but really you don’t actually have to do anything. Give her the same energy, she gives you. Simply leave her be and talk to her on your own terms. She calls you, you can talk to her if you desire if not, don’t. You don’t have to update her about anything and leave it to your parents to do so. You both are adults and you don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to.

You’re stressing yourself out unnecessarily worrying over her.

No. Last month I was a patient and saw the frustration that staff had trying to get to the patients who were surrounded by family.

And no, you weren't witty with that comment, just ignorant of what hospitals are like now. Lucky you.

Agree she shouldn’t feel obliged to come to hospital (to do what - sit in a waiting room) unless asked for moral support, but there were two others there already as well as you.

The crying over the renovation is a bit eyebrow raising but she doesn’t have kids and may be at the end if her tether with work. Your child was safely home at this point. She may also be a self absorbed person.

Don’t cut her off. Just accept this is she is. TBH She is likely not too invested in your child if she doesn’t see them all the time.

YABU, OP. A small child only needs their parents to visit - nobody else. In general, there are way too many hospital visitors, and for too long. They make it more difficult for staff to do their jobs, and can actually tire out the patients and make recovery more difficult. Hospital is not a social event.

Are you the sister?

Just treat her like an acquaintance you only see at your parents’ house.

No more cards.

No more presents.

No more calls.

No visiting her in hospital.

Yes really. A&E last month were telling non patients to go home or wait outside as there was no room for those who are ill.

On wards most have signs saying maximum of 2 visitors per bed. OP, OPs DP and her mum is already over the max.

If staff are continually asking people to move so they can take blood pressure, temps or give meds then it just adds to time wasted. Think it through...

Frankly, I'm with your DSis. Would never occur to me to visit my nieces or nephews in hospital.

To support her sister in an extremely difficult time?
You being serious?

What would have been the point of your sister visiting a 16-month-old in intensive care for five days? The baby isn’t going to know or care about it, and I can’t really see what practical support she could have offered you in the hospital. I don’t really think it’s ideal for lots of people to be gathered round the bed of a baby in ICU. If a child was in hospital long-term on an ordinary ward, that might be different, but he was there for five days, and it was intensive care.

I have a sister like that, although much more extreme and she cut me off when i had a baby. I presume through jealousy. There was no fight. She never wanted children, but think that she didn't like to see her younger sister moving on with her life. I wouldn't cut her off, simply because it makes things very difficult logistically for a family at major events. It probably won't alleviate your stress or anger either. However, I would take a major step back. I wouldn't fall out, but would not be making any effort or contact, other than birthday and xmas cards (no presents). She clearly has no ability to empathise.

You are being far too dramatic
You are understandably upset about your child.

Your sister is upset about whats going on in her life

Noone is right or wrong

I wouldnt go and see my nephew either. I would assume its just immediate family. It would occur to me?

Far too much drama.

It is okay for your sister, who presumably doesn’t have DC, not to be involved with your DC. Just accept her for who she is and don’t expect more. Your DC have their parents and grandparents.

Your sister sounds self involved, egotistical and she obviously doesn't give a shit. I'd be going low contact and expecting very little from her with regards to the DC.

Your child being in hospital is a red herring though. PICU doesn't want random family relatives traipsing in and out. Usually it's parents, siblings and grandparents (and winter protocol / infection outbreak can whittle down the visitors allowed even further) so I'm not sure what you expected your sister to do? She shouldn't really have been visiting a child in PICU?

I would not cut her off. Just except she seems quite self involved.
Also I adore my nieces and nephews but I probably wouldn't visit them in hospital unless requested . They are such busy places . The last thing the staff need is lots of family in the way . Bringing in more germs .
But I would msg and show support

Not everyone dotes on children. I would have expected a bit of support as a mum but not visiting the hospital. This is all a bit over dramatic. You don’t have to have a close relationship with your sister if you don’t want one. She probably cannot live up to your expectations anyway so it might be better for everyone.

My DM was always expecting us to be close but different personalities don’t always gel. As we’ve aged we have completely changed and I rarely speak on them. There’s little need as they rarely visited our aging mum. One didn’t visit for 6 years. I don’t miss them and they did absolutely nothing when DM died. Nothing. So sisters don’t have to care about anyone.

She has formed and your parents have form for excusing her.
She hasn't children and has zero interest in yours.
You have your own family and have been through a very stressful time.
Save your energy for the important things, which really isn't this.
She is who she is, let her be.
Get on with your own life.
Accept her, make no futher effort, reflect her effort towards you back exactly, and move on.

Way too much drama. She’s wrapped up in her own shit so just expect less of her - you don’t have a close relationship and she isn’t ever going to be a doting aunty so don’t expect it. The flip side is she can’t expect you to care about her stuff.

I don’t think I’d visit my niece in hospital if she was there for a few days, particularly if she had her parents and grandparents there and was very poorly.

It's irresponsible to have loads of people visiting sick children in hospital. I'm extremely dubious that the hospital would have allowed this. They certainly didn't when my 4-year-old child was in HDU following emergency surgery after pneumonia and I certainly wouldn't have wanted them to.

Whether your sister cares about your children is debatable, but thank goodness she has the common sense not to be potentially spreading infection unnecessarily. Having a child in hospital is a stressful time and you do need support but you had your husband and mother. Surely your child's health is more important than your need for your sister to prove she cares?