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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alone on holiday

208 replies

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 22:28

Feeling more upset about this than I usually do, so wondering if I’m overreacting. Please be kind.
On holiday with a group of friends (couples). Two of us overslept and missed dinner. Other hungry friend has food brought by DP. When I say I’m hungry later (10:30ish) DH says I’ll be fine to go and fetch something on my own. Only a 5/10 minute walk, but in a foreign country and late. I can’t explain how hurt I was by this and I can’t get over the lack of care or consideration. I also suspect he didn’t want to leave the bar.
He does have form for being selfish so I don’t know if this is worse or just the final straw.

OP posts:
SeaweedSundress · 24/08/2024 23:24

Carebearsonmybed · 24/08/2024 23:20

You don't go out in your own city at 10.30 at night?!

Surely everyone's done that??

This is Mn. People come home from work and get into their pyjamas by 6 pm.

Alwaystired23 · 24/08/2024 23:23

SeaweedSundress · 24/08/2024 23:06

I honestly wonder about some people, terrified of their own shadows, afraid to stir outdoors after dark even in their home city, yet choosing holiday destinations of such dangerous crime levels that a five minute walk for food is likely to be inviting kidnap.

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You never know. Just a few weeks ago, someone I spoke to went home and was murdered a few hours later. In the middle of the morning. Maybe my perception is off. And I feel like I live in a fairly safe area.

Ginmonkeyagain · 24/08/2024 23:21

Gwad the drama Get yourself some food and next time set an alarm.

10 30pm on a warm summer Saturday night isn't usually a dangerous time in most towns and cities people like to holiday in.

When we were in holiday in France last month we watched the football in a local bar I was feeling a bit tired and wanted to go back, Mr Monkey wanted to stay for a little longer to take in the atmosphere as France won. I managed to walk the whole 10 mins back to our hotel alone because I am a grown ass woman.

longestlurkerever · 24/08/2024 23:21

LouH5 · 24/08/2024 23:17

Me too! This is what I’m finding to be the worst thing about the situation, my partner would never just go down for dinner in this sort of setting and leave me asleep!

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Perhaps he thought she would prefer to sleep?

Original poster
RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 23:20

LouH5 · 24/08/2024 23:17

Me too! This is what I’m finding to be the worst thing about the situation, my partner would never just go down for dinner in this sort of setting and leave me asleep!

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I suspect it’s just one of his selfish ways I’ve come to expect. It hasn’t occurred to me, yet I would never have done the same to him.

OP posts:
tennesseewhiskey1 · 24/08/2024 23:20

I think you’re being dramatic sorry. Unless you’re in Mexico City or some parts of India - why would it be dangerous? Why not call room service? It sounds like you want him to get something for you, he’s presumably in midst convo with other people etc (you say in the bar?) why do you think it’s fair to cut that short? You say 5/10 minutes away - yet instead of just getting going…. You’ve posted on Mumsnet.

Findmethesmallestviolin · 24/08/2024 23:20

Why didn’t you go and get food with your friend? Surely that made the most sense and leave both DH in the bar?

longdistanceclaraclara · 24/08/2024 23:20

You overslept a nap by four hours?! Time to get your own food!

Carebearsonmybed · 24/08/2024 23:20

You don't go out in your own city at 10.30 at night?!

Surely everyone's done that??

longestlurkerever · 24/08/2024 23:19

RampantIvy · 24/08/2024 23:14

Same here. Quite frankky, I'm amazed at the low bar so many posters have on this thread.

There is no way DH would have left me asleep and gone to dinner without me. I wouldn't do that to him either.

@RecoveringMillennial I'm glad someone went with you. I would be pretty 😡 with your husband as well.

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I genuinely don't see it as a low bar. Just that I would hate feeling like I couldn't walk five minutes on my own and hate anyone acting like that was weird.

Milkandtwosugarsplease · 24/08/2024 23:19

I’d be annoyed too, more so for letting me sleep and miss dinner to begin with. I wouldn’t be happy walking around strange places alone in the evening either, it’s not about “needing a man” just general safety in numbers. I’m glad your friend went with you OP.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 24/08/2024 23:18

Alwaystired23 · 24/08/2024 22:49

My dh would never expect me to go off wondering on my own in an unfamiliar country to find food. He'd come with me, if not for my safety, but to give me company. My dh would also have woken me up for dinner in the 1st place.

This
with big bells on

LouH5 · 24/08/2024 23:17

Teawaster · 24/08/2024 23:10

Why didn't he wake you up before he went out for dinner? I find that a bit odd.

Me too! This is what I’m finding to be the worst thing about the situation, my partner would never just go down for dinner in this sort of setting and leave me asleep!

BrutusMcDogface · 24/08/2024 23:17

I think the actual problem here is that he let you sleep through dinner. That’s kind of shitty.

happygertie · 24/08/2024 23:16

Guess I'm lucky as my partner would definitely offer to get me something. My grandad would for my grandma, dad for mum etc. it's a caring thing to do.

I think just the offer is nice even if I ended sorting it myself.

RampantIvy · 24/08/2024 23:14

Alwaystired23 · 24/08/2024 22:49

My dh would never expect me to go off wondering on my own in an unfamiliar country to find food. He'd come with me, if not for my safety, but to give me company. My dh would also have woken me up for dinner in the 1st place.

Same here. Quite frankky, I'm amazed at the low bar so many posters have on this thread.

There is no way DH would have left me asleep and gone to dinner without me. I wouldn't do that to him either.

@RecoveringMillennial I'm glad someone went with you. I would be pretty 😡 with your husband as well.

Leafygreen84 · 24/08/2024 23:14

If you’re in a tourist resort, presumably it’s relatively safe? I do think it’s princessy behaviour to expect to be escorted around tbh. I can’t stand grown women infantilising themselves. I have travelled a fair bit alone so maybe that’s why.

Original poster
RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 23:14

Changingplace · 24/08/2024 23:11

Your thread title is so melodramatic it’s quite humorous, ‘alone on holiday’ …for all of five mins walking to a takeaway in a popular tourist resort.

Should I publish my memoir I shall take this into account

OP posts:
HolyPeaches · 24/08/2024 23:13

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 23:02

This isn’t happening now. One of our group agreed that I shouldn’t go alone and came with me. I feel so hurt that he wouldn’t care enough. If that makes me a princess then I am.

Wait, so what is your AIBU about?

Are you alone now? Is your DH continuing to leave you on your own?

Changingplace · 24/08/2024 23:11

Your thread title is so melodramatic it’s quite humorous, ‘alone on holiday’ …for all of five mins walking to a takeaway in a popular tourist resort.

Teawaster · 24/08/2024 23:10

Why didn't he wake you up before he went out for dinner? I find that a bit odd.

Notamum12345577 · 24/08/2024 23:09

I’m a bit suprised all the people who think a woman should walk in a strange place at 10:30 at night. Her husband should go with her, why take the risk of her getting attacked?

Changingplace · 24/08/2024 23:07

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 23:05

That’s not what they’re saying. It’s being aware of danger and protecting ourselves (and others) where possible

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Where are you on holiday that’s so dangerous? You are aware many women travel all over the world alone and live alone too?

SeaweedSundress · 24/08/2024 23:06

Alwaystired23 · 24/08/2024 23:03

I'm surprised, too. Usually, on mn, the dangers of women alone at night are discussed, tips on how to stay safe etc. Yet tonight, you're perfectly fine in an unfamiliar country late at night on your own op 🤔.

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I honestly wonder about some people, terrified of their own shadows, afraid to stir outdoors after dark even in their home city, yet choosing holiday destinations of such dangerous crime levels that a five minute walk for food is likely to be inviting kidnap.

Veryverycalmnow · 24/08/2024 23:06

Is he good in other ways? I would think nothing of it, but I think you're comparing with the other couple - comparison is the thief of joy someone once said.
I'd have loved finding food on my own, but I know we're all different. Did you end up eating, feeling better and having fun or did this thing ruin your night?