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Original poster

Alone on holiday

208 replies

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 22:28

Feeling more upset about this than I usually do, so wondering if I’m overreacting. Please be kind.
On holiday with a group of friends (couples). Two of us overslept and missed dinner. Other hungry friend has food brought by DP. When I say I’m hungry later (10:30ish) DH says I’ll be fine to go and fetch something on my own. Only a 5/10 minute walk, but in a foreign country and late. I can’t explain how hurt I was by this and I can’t get over the lack of care or consideration. I also suspect he didn’t want to leave the bar.
He does have form for being selfish so I don’t know if this is worse or just the final straw.

OP posts:
Wordsmithery · 25/08/2024 00:20

I'm guessing OP has never travelled abroad on her own?

theduchessofspork · 25/08/2024 00:13

Alwaystired23 · 25/08/2024 00:10

I do have a bit of a social life! But it's more meals out, walking along the costal path with a friend, days out with friends and our children, afternoon tea etc. My clubbing days are long gone. I've moved out of the city.

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But presumably when you lived in a city, you were sometimes alone at night, either going to or coming back from whatever it is you went out to do?

Alwaystired23 · 25/08/2024 00:10

theduchessofspork · 25/08/2024 00:00

I mean that’s fine obviously, but it’s not typical if you live in a safe area and conduct a social life.

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I do have a bit of a social life! But it's more meals out, walking along the costal path with a friend, days out with friends and our children, afternoon tea etc. My clubbing days are long gone. I've moved out of the city.

TheHighPriestess1 · 25/08/2024 00:04

So where is the OH staying ?

Changingplace · 25/08/2024 00:02

Imagine this was the other way round, OP: I’m on holiday with DH & friends, he was supposed to have a quick nap but was flat out & completely missed dinner by 4hours.

By the time he surfaced and decided he was hungry I’d already eaten with friends as we’d planned to and he complained I didn’t offer to go and get him food - I was having a drink with our friends by this point and thought he should get his own food…

theduchessofspork · 25/08/2024 00:00

Alwaystired23 · 24/08/2024 23:43

During the day, yes. In the dark/night? No. Luckily, I'm a bit boring, so I'm never really in the situation where I'm out in the dark or late on my own. If I go out with friends, we usually get lifts back together from someone's husband or relative, or drive. I'm never out on my own in the nights, really. I can't say I've particularly gone out of my way, I just don't really have a need to.

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I mean that’s fine obviously, but it’s not typical if you live in a safe area and conduct a social life.

Maddy70 · 24/08/2024 23:58

This is bonkers...

Set your alarm to get up

Go and get food if you're hungry. It'll be perfectly safe. Assuming you aren't holidaying in Gaza

Changingplace · 24/08/2024 23:57

TurqoiseJasper · 24/08/2024 23:50

You wouldn't wake him and say hey, are you coming for dinner? No?

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I would, unless there was a reason I’d rather go alone 🤣 I’m beginning to wonder if there was a reason the OP overslept by 4hrs and he didn’t want to wake her, maybe she was sleeping off the lunchtime cocktails?

TheHighPriestess1 · 24/08/2024 23:57

This 🙌🏼

Edingril · 24/08/2024 23:55

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 22:43

No, it was supposed to be a nap, but I woke up 4 hours later

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That was not anyone else's fault

Throwingpots · 24/08/2024 23:55

If its the OP wishing her husband had got her some food just because it would be a kind thing to do then ok, that would have been nice of him. But then all the comments about it not being safe, or a woman shouldn't be out on her own after dark anywhere etc etc I lost sympathy. For goodness sake, can women not be independent capable adults who can navigate the world without needing a man next to them?
Obviously you judge the situation and certain areas or situations are best avoided, but a 10 minute walk in a touristy area (though OP hasn't told us where she is so we can only assume) is hardly being foolhardy.

Alwaystired23 · 24/08/2024 23:53

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 23:25

I think our personal experience change
out perception as we grow. I wouldn’t have cared about this 10 years ago. I hope this incident doesn’t affect you

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Thank you. To be honest, it has. My husband is away at the moment. I'm far more safety conscious, making sure all the doors are locked, etc. My house is a bit isolated. No-one would hear us if there was a problem. I think you're right 20 years ago, I wouldn't have thought much about walking around at 10.30 at night. But now I'm older, I see things differently. I wouldn't do it now alone. I just wouldn't. If that makes me pathetic, well, then so be it. In my life, I've been sexually assaulted three times. Twice in work. I honestly just don't feel that safe. I had a problem in Bristol one evening a few weeks back, when we visited. It was around 9.30 pm, I was with my mum and sister, and we were getting hassled by a drunk bloke. I would have hated to have been on my own. I felt scared enough as it was.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 24/08/2024 23:52

I don't understand why they can't go together. It's odd to expect your partner to go off on their own.

NowImNotDoingIt · 24/08/2024 23:52

@Changingplace why not wake him to begin with?

NowImNotDoingIt · 24/08/2024 23:51

If this was me and OH, he would've woken me up to begin with.

If for whatever reasons he didn't, he'd ask even before I mentioned it if I' hungry and do I want anything.

Then he'd go and get me something or we'd go together.

Am I capable of sorting myself out ? Yes. Is it nice to not have to sometimes? Also yes.

If everyone can and should do everything and anything by themselves, what's the point in having a partner?

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 23:51

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The OP is in some tourist town, full of people mooching about, if she wasn’t, she’d have told us, of this we can be sure.

RollaCola84 · 24/08/2024 23:51

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 22:53

I was expecting mumsnet to be harsh but I would never let a friend go somewhere on their own at that time in our own city, let alone abroad. I’m genuinely shocked that so many people would.
I don’t usually sleep for so long so I was amazed when I woke and saw the time. Hotel had stopped service by that time. I didn’t expect him to go for me, but with me yes - in an unfamiliar place, late at night.

You wouldn't "let" a friend walk somewhere five minutes away in your own city ??? Are people really so wet ??

Unless you're holidaying in downtown Mogadishu, go get your own food and stop being such a princess. And set an alarm tomorrow.

TurqoiseJasper · 24/08/2024 23:50

Changingplace · 24/08/2024 23:48

Why should he? If I was on holiday and DH slept through by 4hrs and I was having a nice glass of wine and chilling with friends I absolutely would not be ‘ok darling I’ll get you something to eat’

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You wouldn't wake him and say hey, are you coming for dinner? No?

Changingplace · 24/08/2024 23:50

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Whilst I’m not minimising that sounds absolutely horrendous, I’m quite sure OP isn’t on holiday anywhere like this.

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 23:49

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Touristy area is it?

TurqoiseJasper · 24/08/2024 23:48

longestlurkerever · 24/08/2024 23:45

It's just a bit gross. Especially the expectation. How would you feel if your husband was in a strop with you because you didn't go and get him something to eat as soon as he woke fra 4 hour nap?

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Goodness are we reading the same thread? I didn't realise she demanded food as soon as she'd woken.

Also, I would never leave my husband sleeping whilst I went for dinner, I would wake him. Obviously.

Changingplace · 24/08/2024 23:48

TurqoiseJasper · 24/08/2024 23:41

Blimey, don't husbands and wives do little things for each other? All these comments about her being a grown woman and being able to source her own food, of course she can.

But wouldn't have been nice if her husband had said ok darling I'll get you something to eat? What would be wrong with that?

Why should he? If I was on holiday and DH slept through by 4hrs and I was having a nice glass of wine and chilling with friends I absolutely would not be ‘ok darling I’ll get you something to eat’

Objectrelations · 24/08/2024 23:47

I just need to know where you are now @RecoveringMillennial 😀
FWIW i'd be pissed off and hurt if he didn't at least wake me and say hey do you want to come for dinner or stay here ...

Bitchette · 24/08/2024 23:47

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theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 23:47

Sheelanogig · 24/08/2024 23:43

You are not alone on holiday.

You are hungry on holiday.

She’s hangry on holiday