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Original poster

Alone on holiday

208 replies

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 22:28

Feeling more upset about this than I usually do, so wondering if I’m overreacting. Please be kind.
On holiday with a group of friends (couples). Two of us overslept and missed dinner. Other hungry friend has food brought by DP. When I say I’m hungry later (10:30ish) DH says I’ll be fine to go and fetch something on my own. Only a 5/10 minute walk, but in a foreign country and late. I can’t explain how hurt I was by this and I can’t get over the lack of care or consideration. I also suspect he didn’t want to leave the bar.
He does have form for being selfish so I don’t know if this is worse or just the final straw.

OP posts:
noemail · 25/08/2024 06:38

I'm really surprised at the number of adult women who need a man for basic living requirements. I lost my husband after 30 years. I'd always been reasonably independent, so I coped (practically) better than most here would, but even so there were too many things that I'd relied on him for and too much I needed to learn for myself. Honestly, it's vital you can comfortably do these things for yourself.

Andwegoroundagain · 25/08/2024 06:36

Context matters here ! If it's a busy street in a Spanish City and you are just popping out of the hotel to a shop down the road then I'd happily go alone as at 1030 it's likely to be busy and all the places open. If it's somewhere out of the way and it's a walk down a poorly lit street then yes he should go with you !

tuvamoodyson · 25/08/2024 06:28

Changingplace · 24/08/2024 23:50

Whilst I’m not minimising that sounds absolutely horrendous, I’m quite sure OP isn’t on holiday anywhere like this.

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Yes..I can’t imagine I’d pay to go on holiday to wherever this is!!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 25/08/2024 06:23

What country is it?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 25/08/2024 06:21

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 22:53

I was expecting mumsnet to be harsh but I would never let a friend go somewhere on their own at that time in our own city, let alone abroad. I’m genuinely shocked that so many people would.
I don’t usually sleep for so long so I was amazed when I woke and saw the time. Hotel had stopped service by that time. I didn’t expect him to go for me, but with me yes - in an unfamiliar place, late at night.

Some of us actually go on holiday on our own! Shock horror! Sorry but I think you are being a little wet

tuvamoodyson · 25/08/2024 06:19

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 23:14

Should I publish my memoir I shall take this into account

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So, there’s no middle ground between you being on holiday with your partner and another couple and ‘publishing your memoir?’

noemail · 25/08/2024 06:18

I don't have a husband, am I supposed to starve after dark? 😆

TomatoSandwiches · 25/08/2024 02:13

I think it's odd he didn't come up to check on you around dinner time tbh, sounds like he doesn't consider you at all.

My husband would have asked what time to expect me down and brought me a drink/fruit about 20 mins after that time if I was still absent.

It's not princessy behavioir to be disappointed imo I'd have a think about if he's the right person for you though.

Waitformetoarrive · 25/08/2024 02:12

RollaCola84 · 25/08/2024 00:22

I'm totally fascinated by all these people who are horrified by the idea of being outside alone after dark, do you all work reduced hours in winter so you can be safely home in day light hours ??

Agree. MN is a very odd place with some bizarre attitudes.

Jenasaurus · 25/08/2024 02:07

Hi Op

Are you the poster in Mexico? I can understand your concern about eating on your own if so

Pettyhangingbaskets · 25/08/2024 02:03

It’s your own fault

theduchessofspork · 25/08/2024 01:55

Notamum12345577 · 24/08/2024 23:09

I’m a bit suprised all the people who think a woman should walk in a strange place at 10:30 at night. Her husband should go with her, why take the risk of her getting attacked?

Because she is in some tourist town, she’s going to be surrounded by a bunch of other tourists.

Cool the drama. The chances of her getting attacked are mini, and would be higher for him.

MonsteraMama · 25/08/2024 01:54

I'm probably missing the point entirely here but surely there's some sort of fast food delivery you could've gotten if you're in a resorty area? Why did you need to go anywhere in the first place? Modern convenience and all that.

theduchessofspork · 25/08/2024 01:50

RosyappleA · 25/08/2024 00:36

Tbh I live in a relatively safe albeit quiet area in London and I wouldn’t do this. I have seen two cases of people getting mugged in broad daylight and another happened near the school a little while ago. I worry more about getting mugged as a tourist especially at night.

By this logic you wouldn’t go out in broad daylight?

Cherrycola24 · 25/08/2024 01:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

How do you survive?

Cherrycola24 · 25/08/2024 01:40

Scammersarescum · 24/08/2024 23:02

Don't be so ridiculous.

A woman not wanting to walk about in a foreign country, at night, on her own is not spoilt. She us aware of the risks to her personal safety.

A woman in Birstall just down the road from me was dragged into a car and raped at 8am last week.

No decent partner would put his socialising and beers over the safety of his wife.

Stop gaslighting women

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Well, I must have been well and truly gaslit because I’ve been walking around in all sorts of places for the past 40 years unaccompanied. Surely this is a wind-up?

Mysinglepringle · 25/08/2024 01:38

Justkeeprollingalong · 24/08/2024 22:32

Missing the point here but you overslept all day until dinner time?

Doesn't say all day 🙄

BeachParty · 25/08/2024 01:19

ClareBlue · 25/08/2024 00:49

That is perfectly reasonable. All the just get your own food, he was having fun in the bar, bla bla bla posts are not reasonable. Of course you don't leave your wife to go off looking for food in a strange city late at night on her own.

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Why? Is woman not capable of going out by herself without her husband?
I'm my own person. If I'd have fallen asleep and missed food I might go out for a wander by myself.
I wouldn't expect DH to have to chaperone me. (if he came it would be nice, if not then Ok)

ClareBlue · 25/08/2024 00:49

RecoveringMillennial · 24/08/2024 22:53

I was expecting mumsnet to be harsh but I would never let a friend go somewhere on their own at that time in our own city, let alone abroad. I’m genuinely shocked that so many people would.
I don’t usually sleep for so long so I was amazed when I woke and saw the time. Hotel had stopped service by that time. I didn’t expect him to go for me, but with me yes - in an unfamiliar place, late at night.

That is perfectly reasonable. All the just get your own food, he was having fun in the bar, bla bla bla posts are not reasonable. Of course you don't leave your wife to go off looking for food in a strange city late at night on her own.

RawBloomers · 25/08/2024 00:41

You’re on holiday with several other couples, you don’t have to do everything with your partner, though it’s nice to do some. I get wanting company when you go to get something to eat. But I also get wanting to stay at a bar when you’re having fun with friends. It seems one of your other friends was happy to go with you, so I think you should be okay with how things turned out. Your expectations of your partner here seem more selfish than his actions.

Unless it’s a dangerous part of the world, being upset about people not thinking you need a chaperone when you missed the regular meal is unreasonable. You weren’t being left out by others, you weren’t at risk. If you didn’t give the others reason to think you wanted to be woken for dinner, this is you expecting everything to revolve around you and getting upset when your partner doesn’t want to drop what he’s doing to cater to you.

Portfun24 · 25/08/2024 00:40

Alwaystired23 · 24/08/2024 22:49

My dh would never expect me to go off wondering on my own in an unfamiliar country to find food. He'd come with me, if not for my safety, but to give me company. My dh would also have woken me up for dinner in the 1st place.

This

RosyappleA · 25/08/2024 00:36

Tbh I live in a relatively safe albeit quiet area in London and I wouldn’t do this. I have seen two cases of people getting mugged in broad daylight and another happened near the school a little while ago. I worry more about getting mugged as a tourist especially at night.

PinkyFlamingo · 25/08/2024 00:30

But you weren't alone as you said someone came with you?

Changingplace · 25/08/2024 00:23

RollaCola84 · 25/08/2024 00:22

I'm totally fascinated by all these people who are horrified by the idea of being outside alone after dark, do you all work reduced hours in winter so you can be safely home in day light hours ??

I agree, MN is full of reverse vampires who can’t go out after dark alone.

RollaCola84 · 25/08/2024 00:22

I'm totally fascinated by all these people who are horrified by the idea of being outside alone after dark, do you all work reduced hours in winter so you can be safely home in day light hours ??