Alone on holiday

OP I think I know where you’re coming and understand your feelings exactly. My ex husband would have been precisely like your husband - couldn’t be arsed and if it involved putting himself out, then no way would endanger ruining his evening for anyone else. It wasn’t just me. FYI I was happy to go and sort myself out but it wasn’t the point. My now partner would have a) woken me b) had it on his mind that I hadn’t eaten and at the very least c) quite happily left the company we were in and go FOR me to get something for me to eat.

I put up with shitty, selfish behaviour for far too long. It wont change and I think deep down you know that.

I’d have woken my DH for dinner, as he would have woken me. I’m amazed that there are couples who wouldn’t do this for each other.

It was 5 minutes away. I’d have went on my own. I don’t need my DH to chaperone for that

It all seems odd to me, like you all just met the night before in a hostel rather than being a group.

1. DH would wake me or vice versa
2. If I wouldn't get up, DH would have got extra dinner so I had something when I did get up, and vice versa
3. Friend / Friend DH would ask if I / anyone else wanted something when they set off
4. If they didn't ask and I was hungry, I'd say can I come with you to get something or can you pick me up X please
5. If I didn't go and then wanted food, DH would go for me if I asked him to
6. I wouldn't really ask him to go, I'd want a walk after a 4 hour nap
7. I might ask if anyone else wanted a walk just for company, it wouldn't bother me if DH didn't want to go because he wanted a beer
8. If you're in a villa then why don't you have food in? If it's a bar or hotel then why don't they sell food?

Hmm I don't know, depends.
Maybe he didn't wake you because he thought you needed the sleep so thought he was doing a nice thing in letting you catch up on some obviously needed kip.
Where is the closest shop for food? If it's a million walks away and down dark and quiet eery streets and known for being a bit mad at night, then I'd just see if maybe the hotel had some toast or something, or usually we will have snacks in the room with us, and I'd probably turn to them if needed.
I wouldn't expect anyone else to up and leave what they're doing and come with, as it would be my issue that I overslept and missed dinner. But if the shop was close and he's enjoying himself at the bar or whatever, then I'd go alone if I was in that desperate need of food. And to be fair, I'd probably like a little meal by myself 🤣
Ultimately I think you're going to deep in to it, slightly over reacting. After all, you're all adults and should be able to look after yourselves. I'm guessing you both have phones so can contact him if you needed him on the way to the shop, and just let them know where it is you plan on going.

I always pack a couple of protein bars. I travel a lot for work and have frequently arrived too late for dinner at the hotel and can’t be arsed to head out on my own into town. Has the hotel got a vending machine? I’m afraid it’s not your DH problem you overslept, set an alarm next time. Try not to be too pissed off about it, it’s a lesson learned.

Some is the OP in Bournemouth or Benidorm? Need the context before I can vote.

All the 'pull your big girls pants up' type of posts are a bit much, the OP is not at home, it's late, and you have no idea of culture / how empty the streets are.

I think the fact the OP has ignored the multiple people asking where she is suggests it’s not actually anywhere too dangerous or out of the ordinary.

I hate to break it to you but some of live and travel by ourselves. I'm an adult, I don't need a chaperone.

Exactly this.

I've travelled a lot by myself. But I've always managed matters so that I wouldn't be out alone late at night.

If I was with a DH I'd expect them to go with me, depending on culture of the country, where the hotel was situated (quiet dark streets leading to restaurants etc).

All the 'pull your big girls pants up' type of posts are a bit much, the OP is not at home, it's late, and you have no idea of culture / how empty the streets are.

If someone had a 4 hour nap I would be assuming they must have needed it. I'd probably be pretty pissed off if someone woke me from a much needed nap. But then I'm also more than capable of sorting my own food out.

How do you have a four hour nap? You should have set the alarm on your phone to get ready for dinner.

It’s all the man’s fault, surely?

Well if I was on holiday I wouldn’t be showering before dinner (I do shower every day, just not before dinner!) and I am naturally very quiet getting dressed. But I would have woken her up, if she said she was still tired and didn’t want to get up, that would not be a problem (as long as it wasn’t most days!).

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all and am quite surprised by some of the responses. Surely your partner would come with you not just for safety, but for a bit of a catch up as well? You’re on a group holiday so presumably you haven’t spent much time just the two of you. It would be a good time to have a chat, swap gossip and vent about little things that have happened. Not 100% necessary but a nice thing to do together.

TBF you are very far from alone. What with being with DH and a group of friends. Melodramatic springs to mind.

Husband wouldn’t get me dinner would be more accurate without needing a memoir.

Was this by any chance a result of heavy day drinking?

I just can’t get my head around a 4 hour nap where you also slept through him showering, getting ready for dinner etc…

However, if you did, you needed the rest so I think he was right to leave you to sleep. I’d be annoyed if someone decided I wasn’t allowed to sleep any longer unless I’d specifically asked to be woken (and I wouldn’t, I’d have set an alarm).

Flip side of all of this is that maybe your husband is annoyed and has more right to be annoyed that he’s spent the evening alone (in company), you rudely slept through dinner and are now disrupting drinks to demand someone escorts you for food at 10.30pm.

I find it crazy that you’d post on here rather than just go and adult. Buy some food if you want food. It also wouldn’t kill you to just go to sleep and eat first thing.

Whether YABU or not is dependent on what your dh is like the rest of the time and not on this one incident, where there are faults on both sides op.

If the tables were turned, your dh could be posting about feeling alone and disrespected at the dinner table because his wife failed to come down in time.

And maybe he thought you were tired and didn’t want to wake you?

Or maybe later on he would post something like, my wife is so selfish because I was the only person there at the dinner table when everyone else was in couples and then just when the evening got better and I was having some drinks, she wanted me to leave my friends and get her food?

I can see why you are a bit miffed op, but honestly you have to take some responsibility for your own actions. It’s your responsibility to wake yourself up on time.

In your shoes I would have had a soft drink and a bag of crisps and called that my dinner and not made a fuss tbh.

I'd be annoyed no-one woke me up for dinner but I wouldn't be fussed about going to get food alone. But then I've travelled alone so you have to do things on your own then which I suspect eases the anxiety around these things.

But.... I don't think the OP is in Bristol!? So how is this relevant?!

YANBU.

to be honest, there are many areas of Bristol which feel menacing as fuck. My daughter lived there for a while. I hated it. Was glad when she decided to move.

Confused! Is Birstall in Bristol?
Is The West of England now the Wild West of England?
Do I need my DH for protection if food shopping in Bristol?!!?

absolutely this. And the country matters too.
If I was in Tunisia/Egypt/Mexico I'd want someone to go with me. If I was in a hamlet in France or a village in Greece, I'd be fine to walk alone.

Lucky you