To ask why you have just one child?

My husband and I met later in life and were lucky to have one. We did keep trying afterwards for a second but it never happened. Tbh sometimes I think we are happier with just one anyway. The dynamic growing up with my sibling was awful and I didn't want that with my children.

We didn't want another, she was enough for us and completed our lives.

I had an easy birth and pregnancy and my son was over 8 lb so big ish. For the first 5 months, if he was awake he was screaming and /or crying. It was so bad that if I went to visit a friend who lived on the second floor of a small block of flats she knew we'd arrived because she could hear him way before we reached her flat.

Regular doctors appointments found no reason for the crying. At 5 months someone lent me a baby walker. It was like a switch, he loved it. It appears he just wanted to be active. He walked at 9 months , proper solid walking. Unfortunately he didn't sleep through until he was 3 1/2, years old and when I say didn't sleep through I don't mean woke once or twice I mean 8 or 9 times a night.
The thought of going through that again with another child filled me with horror. People said oh the next one will be different. I couldn't take the risk
. Fast forward 24 years later and my grandson was a carbon copy. I was however able to support my son through out by having my grandson overnight etc. I should say now I'm amazing with very fretful screaming babies because they aren't mine and I know I'm going to be handling them back at some point. Friends will hand over a baby who is screaming apologising and I'm very calm and completely unstressed about it , NOW!

Oh I see. I've not seen any others but I haven't really looked. I don't think it's taboo at all but perhaps if I saw more threads I might be like.. hmm..

I was a teenage single parent , I had pre eclampsia and by the time I met my now OH there would have been a large age gap . There is 10 years between me and my sibling and we were never close . We have the space and income to have more children now however they are hard work ! And I sacrificed a lot over the years . I want to enjoy nice holidays and peace and not be elbow deep in dirty nappies again !

Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

I understand that and respect people’s right to do so but why are there so many posts about this topic? It’s like it’s a taboo to dare to have “only” one child.

Yet many of us have posted because we want our stories heard. Whether that be actually I had hoped for more but xyz or I'm not bothered only ever wanted one.

I didn't even try for a second. I was told it was highly unlikely I'd ever get pregnant. So dc was a welcome surprise.

Why does it matter? Families come in all shapes and sizes for all sorts of reasons. MN seems to be obsessed with lone children - it is getting on my tits to put it bluntly.

Fertility issues. I would’ve adored another baby after having IVF success first time round with DD but unfortunately it just wasn’t meant to be.

I was gutted at the time but now I am very glad that DD (now 20) is an only child. I simply just couldn’t afford another and to this day have no idea how anybody manages multiples teens, they’re so expensive! She has had a much more privileged upbringing than I ever had, which I am extremely grateful to have been able to give her. With another child in the mix this wouldn’t have been possible.

we longed to have a second child for 6 years but after 5 miscarriages I've accepted we are a family of three. I am nearing 41. Fortunate enough to earn very well and we live a nice relaxing life. I can't complain but I do have moments when I think... maybe another miracle will happen to us!

I could try to sum it up something like this - age, timing, partner choice.

we met later in life therefore our ‘window’ was shorter than most, although I consider myself very fortunate that I got pregnant quite quickly and all was well there.

we then had a lot of changes with jobs/relocations and the time when we might have ‘gone for another’ we just had overwhelm and quite a bit of stress anyway.

if I’d have had a different husband - as in someone who REALLY wanted and second and where a second baby wouldn’t be another stressy thing. My husband has many wonderful traits but our relationship isn’t always “easy” and we do well with our little family of three.

when we were really discussing if the door was closed for us it was the post toddler stage and everything was just getting easier.

then other things which we now consider ‘bonuses’ to having one child and make us reflect in a positive away about it include - more resources/choices for the one we have, we worried about having a child with disabilities, especially given our own advancing years.

Expense / child care
DS was very difficult baby didn't sleep through until age 10
I couldn't cope with him and I struggled a lot
DS nearly 15 now and autistic and life still hard. No way could I cope with another!

Would have had kids earlier but developed a thyroid problem...

Older mum anyway, difficult family and in laws (sibling relations poor on both sides), live abroad with no support network.

10 years and IVF to get just one. Did a half-hearted IVF attempt for a second with a spare frozen embryo but it didn’t work and we weren’t bothered at all anyway. Really happy with my one! He’s not bothered about having a sibling either. Plenty of mates and likes his solo time too. So it worked out great for us!

Awful labour and birth, PPD and realisation that husband was a complete bellend (now ex husband).

Early menopause

I’m hopefully a few weeks away from having our first and likely only.

• it’s taken 2 years and multiple miscarriages to find out I have a blood-related issue and I’m not sure I could go through it all again
• nursery fees would be over £3000 and we’re not bazillionaires
• I’m older. If we had conceived when we originally started (on month one, so smug at the time) we’d have probably had 2.

1. We can give one child a better quality of life than we could give two (or more!) We can run a smaller house so smaller mortgage and bills. We can also afford more luxuries in life and more opportunities for our child.
2. Family generosity in terms of childcare while we work will run out with just one child which would mean I'd have to stop working if we had another. Once you consider the health implications of working with my disability AND the financial impact (ie spending an entire wage on childcare) working would just not be the sensible choice. I'm also not stay at home mum material.
3. My disability isn't coping well with the challenges of toddlerhood so I don't want to do it again. We actually have a super easy first child (especially as an infant) but are very aware we may not get a chilled out second born which would bring extra challenges.
4. Given my disabilities and the impact these have on family life, I don't think it's fair to dilute the attention our child gets further with siblings.
5. Most importantly, on balance, not having more children is the best thing for the child we already have.

relationship breakup and miscarriages. If you know the many reasons, why are you asking? odd thread!

Secondary infertility. Would love another one but I am so unbelievably grateful for my dc. Our house is chaotic enough at times, yet it’s so peaceful compared to my sisters house and she only has 2! I would love 2 children ideally but I do appreciate the simplicity of having one.

A multitude of reasons: birth trauma, a high needs baby/toddler who didn't read any of the manuals, health risks for pregnancy coinciding with the unknowns of Covid. I also got a great work opportunity that means we can afford to send our DC to a small, nurturing independent school, which is the right thing for him (?ND). It took me a while to get my head around it but so far feel relieved we made the right decisions.

DH and I were always set on 2. We have now decided to stick with 1 for several reasons

1. kids are expensive. Childcare is expensive. At the moment we can give our daughter everything she needs, nice Christmas and birthday presents, activities. A second would make this impossible
2. giving birth seriously traumatised me. I’m not doing it again
3. I developed tenosynovitis after having our baby that even 2.5 years later is making doing even simple tasks very painful, and the hobbies I love have had to stop. I’m not risking aggregating it even more.
4. now toddler is 2, we have our lives together. We have time in the evening to relax together after dd goes to bed, we get a full nights sleep most nights. I’m not going back to no sleep and no time to spend as a couple
5. military family - I solo parent over 50% of the year and I really struggle, as does toddler who is always crying for daddy when he’s away. A second would make this much harder (I know there’s plenty of mums solo parenting all the the time and honestly you mums are superheroes).