To ask why you have just one child?

Took years to get him so we weren't in the first flush of youth.
He was the easiest baby and we couldn't face the prospect of one that wasn't. We didn't think we'd get that lucky twice.

I was 35 when pregnant, overweight. I suffered from horrendous sickness most of the pregnancy, I was 10kg lighter when I gave birth than when I got pregnant.

I had horrendous SPD to the point I was in agonizing pain every day and could barely walk. I couldn't wait to get the baby out. I had to start Mat Leave 2 months before due date. My Consultant advised against any further pregnancy as he said the SPD would come back earlier and worse in any subsequent pregnancies.

I had an inducement, had back to back agonizing labour, epidural stopped working so went from feeling nothing to full on contractions on a drip, the midwife was a bitch with no compassion whatsoever.

I would not put myself through any of that ever again.

Then XH left when DD was 4 so it was off the table anyway, even if I had wanted to, but I never wanted to go through any of it ever again.

@bookworm14 perhaps, but in some ways that might be a good thing, personal details aside.
There are still far too many stereotypes around only children. Then again I wouldn't trust anything the Sun writes.

Just wanted to say I found your post very thoughtful and honest. I also suspected the thread would be hijacked and have loved reading peoples opinions. My husband is an only child and says he absolutely loved it, his parents both had busy careers.

How many 26 year olds have the patience to be excellent parents, have solid careers, own property to accommodate a family and earn enough cash to pay to cover childcare costs? Not many I would imagine. I categorically would not have wanted to become a parent without my infrastructure in place, I would regard that as foolish. You can hire a 26 year old to run around after your child, if you really lack the energy, but you can’t magic up security - that takes time and planning.

I feel exactly the same.
I can't wait until DS is tall enough to come round all the rides at Alton Towers with DH and me, or we're visiting unis, or helping him paint his bathroom in his first house. I really struggled with the baby group years and wheeling a (sleeping) toddler around a zoo.

Pregnancy has been horrific. A second pregnancy will statically have the same complications I am having now.

Pregnancy is costing me my body, health, mental health and career.

So I am about to have my one and only.

Hopefully I get to rebuild my life at some point.

I was 26 when I had DD...I never felt the urge or desire to have anymore, so , for me at least, no matter how young or old I was, one was enough for me.

I am interested to see how this thread goes though. MN threads about one child families usually get hijacked at some point by adult only children who will want one and done parents feel like a monsters for their choice, or by certain parents of multiples who seem to take it bizarrely personally that other people might have different preferences for family size.

I agree that this thread has been refreshing in that it hasn’t been hijacked by the usual only child stereotypes. However I am slightly suspicious of the OP’s motivations in starting it, and hope that people who have shared personal details of their lives don’t see them reproduced in a Sun or Mail article.

I used to be strongly child free by choice and only warmed to the idea of having a child when I realised that having "just" one was an option. I will summarise my reasons in more detail though:

I) I have never been a fan of small babies and toddlers, and while I love my DS, parenting gets more enjoyable the older he gets.

2. DH and I really wouldn't like a relationship where one of us had to downgrade or scale back their career to deal with childcare. We have no extended family support, so an additional child wouldn't be feasible without one of us going part-time.

3. With just one child, DH and I both get some downtime to go for a run etc. while the other one of us is with our DS.

4. We really like where we live and it's a lovely place for DS to grow up. We would have to move to a less desirable/interesting area if we had another kid because houses are very expensive here.

5. I like being able to give my DS my full attention and take him to activities that are appropriate for his age group.

6. I don't want DS to be stuck at home with us in his 20s when he should be enjoying his freedom and independence. With just one child, we'll be in a better position to help out with his future university and housing costs.

7. I had horrendous PGP with my pregnancy, and wasn't able to properly run or do strenuous activities until two years after my child's birth. I am not going through that a second time.

I am interested to see how this thread goes though. MN threads about one child families usually get hijacked at some point by adult only children who will want one and done parents feel like a monsters for their choice, or by certain parents of multiples who seem to take it bizarrely personally that other people might have different preferences for family size.

So far, it's been refreshing to see pages of what the thread was intended to be about.

Ages Was 41 when I had DD (met DH later in life). Tried for second until I was 45. Never happened. Is ok. One is fine. More time, less expenses

My sibling and I always fought and my home life never felt calm. When I've seen friends with two they are always arguing and I don't think I could handle that stress. It's also always been clear to me that everyone I know has a favourite child, I think that's really damaging. I was not the favourite child and I never wanted my child to feel that way. One is perfect and despite some hormonal urges for another baby early on I am very happy with our family of three.

I desperately wanted another one and still do however it just wasn't meant to be for us (our child is 11). We tried (and tried!) for several years but the trying took its toll on us and took our marriage to the absolute brink of divorce so we chose to save our marriage over a second baby that may never happen.

I still think about it every day, and wish I had another but I'm slowly making peace with it, it breaks my heart when my child says they wish they had a sibling and I couldn't give them one.
It feels like I'm mourning the child I'll never have 😞

The birth of my son was quite traumatic and to be honest, he was a difficult baby up to 18 months (although, of course, very much loved and wanted).

I have a very demanding job as a teacher (and now head of a core subject) and DH also works. He used to teach but gave up when DS was 2 for health reasons. We could afford for him to work for himself, flexibly, which supported his health and means he can do school runs etc for DS.

So, time was also a big factor - we can give ds enough time and attention despite how busy life is in term time.

Money as well- we are very fortunate to be comfortable financially and I wouldn't want to be over stretched. We can afford for ds to do activities etc. We can afford to take him away - we are not extravagant but even things like a nice cottage in the Lake District doesn't always come cheap.

DS is 10 now so we are applying for secondary. Unfortunately, our local state option has gone downhill and I didn't like it at the open eve. We are lucky that we can afford to send ds private but no way could I afford that for 2 or more.

I was one of 3 and although I get on with my brother, my sister and I have never got on and she was very nasty growing up (still is- we don't speak now) so I was conscious of bringing another child in to the mix who may not get along with ds.

We (ds included) love our little unit of 3. We do a lot together, our house is calm and peaceful. I honestly wouldn't want it any other way.

Our daughter was premature, and now has cerebral palsy. By the time we felt able to cope with a second it was too late. I was gutted.

But now she is a teenager, she takes everything I have to give. I have a brilliant relationship with her, far better than I had with my mum as a teenager. My mum had 3 teens to deal with and worked full time. She didn't have time to build a strong relationship with 3 of us.

The added bonus is, we can afford to give her everything she needs as a disabled child to ensure she isn't disadvantaged. There is no doubt she is thriving more because of that.

Both quite old by the time I managed to get pregnant and have the first DC.

Work and therefore income and security turbulence delayed trying for no 2.

Unexpected pregnancy in that time that didn't stick panicked us both and set trying for no 2 back a bit longer.

Finally tried briefly for no 2 but knew we were out really.

Took a few years but now very content family of 3.

It was me. Your words could be mine too. I’ve come to terms with the concept that parenting doesn’t suit everyone, children are very different as are adults, there may be mums who can give themselves to motherhood more wholly than I can. I’ve learned to try and share the things I love with my child, to be the best I can at the bits I hate, and have the wisdom to know the difference.

Because I was diagnosed with cancer when DS was one and I had to have a hysterectomy.

I went through an intense grieving period and mourned the loss of my fertility, but honestly life now is good. Our DS is wonderful and we enjoy giving him our time and attention. We can afford to go on nice holidays, don't need to stress about buying a bigger house etc. We both have time to enjoy exercise and our own hobbies.

I'm an only child because my parents were unable to conceive a second time.

Causes alot of mum guilt for me this, as I feel exactly the same as the person you quoted.

I just don't enjoy all the 'little kid' stuff. Days with my 4 year old I almost dread because I know I'm going to have to take her to a playground or swimming or something. I like going out for coffee and pursuing my hobbies, 'adult stuff'.

I feel guilty for it sometimes but I still force myself through it, I'm just not as 'present' with my daughter as I perhaps should be. I'm on my phone a little too much and my head is always elsewhere, so I don't fully engage with her.

One of the reasons I've stuck with one. Parenting just isn't really 'my thing'. Like another poster said, I had a child to see what all the fuss was about really. Love my daughter dearly of course, but yea.

I was 38 when he was born and decided a child in my 40's wasn't for me (us)

@Meadowfinch - exactly the same here, life is so much easier and happier without him in it.

Because it took us ten years, multiple miscarriages and a lot of heartache (not to mention money) to have just the one. Had we been dealt a different hand I'd probably have wanted half-a-dozen (only slightly joking), but as it is, the one we have is wonderful, the light of my life and everything I had ever hoped for.

Had a miscarriage before DC. It was so physically taxing on my body and so emotional had to wait months before trying again. I am certain I had PND but was too overwhelmed to make it to the doctor. It was all consuming for months. I was so isolated too, couldn’t make it to a mum’s group (I really wanted to), but had no drive. My baby fussy cried for months. I spent days and days sleep deprived and emotional and exhausted with no help. Some days the only people I spoke to was those in drive thru. My DH and I were fighting all the time. I have no close family or friends and our parents are too elderly to help (also live far away, can’t drive). I never had help with the baby from my mum for example, to have held baby while I folded laundry. Or just had someone come over and make me a cup of tea and ask how I am.

It’s different now DC is a toddler and I’m back at work and feel a bit like my old self.

I can’t be that woman I was those first few months again, I don’t think I could survive it.