To feel embarrassed but ask you anyway to teach me, a grown woman, how to look after myself, please?

Please be proud of the fact you want to change things and feel better, that in itself means you value yourself ❤️ Step 1 for me would be to prioritise 8+ hours sleep a night over anything else, and to get natural daylight in your eyes first thing every morning, before looking at any screens - if you can’t face getting outside just open a window. Resetting your circadian rhythms is the first building block of fixing hormones which have got out of whack. Turn your screens to ‘warm’ mode to minimise blue light, and wear blue light blocking glasses if using any screens after sunset - you can get a pair off amazon for about 10 quid. To relax, do things that feel nice for your body, like warm epsom salt baths.
Don’t feel like you need to rush anything, rest and natural light should be the first thing. But after a few weeks of getting that in place, then when you feel ready you can look at very gradually increasing gentle exercise like a daily 20-30min walk outside, and gentle stretching that feels good for your body. Take a multi vitamin/mineral supplement to help correct any deficiencies in your diet, then think about replacing UPFs in your diet with fresh food. Any lasting change is slooooow, with multiple set backs - but it sounds like you have a real desire to change things for the better and I believe it will gradually happen for you.

It must have been so hard for you to write this post,
well done, you’ve already achieved something today!

I don’t have practical advice, but I think it would be good if you set yourself small, achievable goals, and take it a day at a time.

and if or when you fail, leave it quickly behind and always look forward to the next day.

good luck!

Can you get your b12, iron and vit d levels checked too? You could be deficient. There are private places around that will test all vitamin etc levels. Def worth checking.

you’re so not alone. Don’t try to do everything at once. Maybe focus on one area for a fortnight eg - aim to shower 10 days out of the next 14. Then the following fortnight add something else.

Follow Joshua Hills Nutritionist on Facebook/Instagram, he’s all about small steps

Rather than trying to cook if it feels like too much, could you get some ready made salads in - they’ll be cheaper than ordering takeaway.

An electric toothbrush is recommended by my dentist and they aren’t very expensive.

Set an alarm to remind you to drink water, aim for 1.5 litres a day.

Keep coming back to this thread for ideas.

If you do a 20 minute walk every day that gets you out of the house and into the habit of exercising.

I’d suggest getting the habit tracker app. I’ve got AuDHD and that’s been the best thing I’ve found over the years. Add two or three habits and then keep adding. Have a shower as soon as you get out of bed. Brush your teeth in the shower if it’s easier. I also shave my legs and file my feet. I still have problems washing my hair! If something seems like too big a thing, break it down into steps and tick off each step.

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time OP. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety too, I get how tough it can be.

I keep a ‘3 steps a day’ list on my phone. Every day, I list 3 things I’ve done to move forward. They’re not huge things, it’s things like reading a chapter of a book, drinking more water than usual, paying an extra fiver towards a bill, listening to a bit of a podcast in the car, decluttering 5 things from a drawer, etc etc.

It’s doing wonders for how I feel about myself and my life. Every day I see my list getting longer and I’m acknowledging that I am moving forward. It takes seconds, and on the odd day where I don’t make progress I don’t beat myself up because I can see all the things I have done.

So sorry to hear how you are not feeling good, OP.

My advice/idea would be to walk. Walk every day, as much as you can. It’s life changing.

Best wishes to you.

If you can manage to clean your teeth, wash your body, you're doing well. I personally don't think it's necessary to shower every day, my hair takes forever to dry, so I only wash it once a week, I do wash every day.

A shower a day is pretty standard for many (most ?) adults and if Op has 10 stone to lose she is very overweight and could probably do with a daily shower at the minimum to keep fresh. I don’t mean that disrespectfully but I felt I needed to wash for longer /more frequently to really get in under everywhere when I was 3 stone heavier. A flannel wash would not have been enough. There’s also mental benefits to getting in the shower!

Doesn’t need to wash hair every day, that I agree with.

Lots of great advice, would add try to make a change to your mindset so that you recognise that you do deserve to spend time and money on yourself. Also, yoga, online is good but a real life class is better. Good luck!

You're not an idiot, you're very depressed. I hope you can feel some compassion for yourself. You and your health are absolutely worth investing in.

I'm sure others will be along for practical tips. Just one small thing at a time.

i make a list of everything on my to-do list and cross them off with a red pen when I do them. Gives me a little boost to cross them out.

Op also look at how many people are showing you love here by posting and helping. They are helping not because they know you but simply as you're a human being who deserves love and help just because you're human- we all do. Love isn't dependent on being good enough or being productive - you're valuable and you deserve love from yourself too x

Daily checklist

wake up and quick shower (just grab your towels and get straight in before you’re fully conscious) (use all in one products so there are less steps involved)

brush teeth

chuck on clean clothes

drink water

eat breakfast - most healthy people eat oats, berries & dairy free milk, maybe some nuts and seed

load of laundry on

make your bed

quick vacuum & sweep

Now you’re clean, dressed, fed and have clear floors in the first 30 mins of your day. (This feels 100 x better than having it all hovering over your head all day and feeling guilty and gross!)

Go for a walk - sunlight, movement, fresh air

Drink more water

Eat lunch- meat and vegetables / salad

Fast from lunch until breakfast - drink water, herbal tea for the rest of the day.

Hang out that wet laundry

Fold the dry laundry with a good tv show on

Never curse your morning self with a messy kitchen to wake up to

Go to bed early with a book, notebook, podcast, water.

Cut your hair with the ponytail trick for now

OP, sending you hugs 🤗 I've been there and it's hard, really hard.

My young adult daughter is struggling too. She has a checklist, starting with wash face, clean teeth. It helps her, so thought I'd mention it.

If you can manage to clean your teeth, wash your body, you're doing well. I personally don't think it's necessary to shower every day, my hair takes forever to dry, so I only wash it once a week, I do wash every day.

Can you make a list of easy meals, then write up a shopping list for them? Do you shop online? So much easier than going to the shops?

I'm trying to lose weight, I'm doing intermittent fasting, so I eat between 11 a.m and 7 p.m. I know how hard it is though.

Don't try and do everything at once, it'll be overwhelming. Write down what you want to achieve and then write it down by priority. Start with the one thing that is most important to you.

Keep touching base with us here 🤗

Try and keep a regular routine, we naturally crave them and find them comforting.

Acknowledge that you aren’t feeling great and that it’s okay to feel that way sometimes. Don’t beat yourself up for it.
Are you getting support from your GP?

Think of it as a cloudy sky … it will pass if you hang in there.

Keep an eye on your nutrition, this sounds weird but try eating a banana with some carbs at the same time like crackers or bread daily … it naturally has some benefits for helping when you’re feeling a blue.

Three things.

Make your bed. Get up out of it and make it. Psychologically this has a huge impact and is recommended by professionals too. It just makes you feel like you've achieved something straight away. It looks like the bed of someone who's life is in order. Don't dump stuff on it. Make it, and be proud of how smart it looks.

Get dressed. Put actual clothes on. They don't have to be smart. It can be a tracksuit. Just take off the nightwear and dressing gown. Again, huge effect on mental wellbeing.

Brush your teeth. Suddenly you feel clean.

That's what I'd do for a week. Those three little things, as soon as I got up. I promise you, I've been there, and this changed my life. After a week of these I was able to integrate other things in step by step.

Ps I also wonder if your house might be cluttered. Can you and DP together do a big declutter and clean and tidy - if you focus on house first (if you need to) it's less pressure on yourself bit you'll have a lovely space to think and make plans in, the lovely space will make
You feel better, and this act of self care with remind you to do others too.

You are absolutely NOT an idiot!!! And if you have a supportive DH i am sure you are a kind, beautiful person, inside & out.

I obviously don't know you, but I believe that you feel overwhelmed with so many things to do so I'd start really slow with small increments of self care. Suggestions:

Get a nice planner/paper and write small tasks for every day

1. 5 minutes of exercising a day or a short walk.
2. Shower + brush teeth
3. Get a haircut
4. Drink 8 small glasses of water a day (if too much, start with 3-4)
5. Add 1 veg next to every meal
6. Don't skip breakfast
7. Eat one piece of fruit every day

Etc etc, you get the drill.

Long term:

1. Gp + blood tests
2. Therapy

Hope it helps. Best of luck!

Step one - get up, brush teeth, wash face (pits and bits bonus)
Step two - have a glass of water
Step three - get dressed, new PJ's if I'm going back to bed. Clean clothes if it's a good day and I'm getting up.
Step 4 - what food do you like? I have the same cereal or the same brand of bread for toast every morning. It's one less decision to make.
Step 5 - I walk to the shop to find something for lunch, premade sandwich? Fine. Microwave meal even better.
Step 6 - the rest of the day either relax or if you feel up to it then do something e.g. laundry, make your bed, wash a couple of pots up.

Please be easy on yourself, nobody will judge you harder than you judge yourself I promise. You're worth the effort, you're worth being clean and fed, you're worth having a nice bed to get in to (or not get out of), you're worth feeling better than you did yesterday.

I recently went through a really traumatic miscarriage and for weeks I didn’t care for
myself at all. I was very much on autopilot and just surviving.

I got to a point where I knew I had to start again but it felt so overwhelming. I made a list of things I knew I should be doing and are good for me.

Some of these were:

drinking enough water daily (2500ml for me)
getting enough sleep (lights out before a certain time)
exercising
having a skin care routine
eating nutritiously

(I had more like seeing friends again, reading more, using my phone less)

I then put them in priority of what I thought was the mos important or the easiest to achieve. I then spent a week focusing on one thing from my list. It was the only goal I focused on each day of that week. I would then choose another one the week after and add it so I’d focus on two things (doesn’t have to be a week - just whenever you feel ready to add another one).

Some of the goals I broke down further. Exercise can be a huge ask but I broke it down into adding a 20 minute walk in everyday. I’m now running 5k everyday just by building up.

im so sorry that you’ve found yourself here but you absolutely can pull your self back out.

You are really brave posting here and asking for help. I hope you get lots of brilliant support.

I agree with PP that somehow or other you need to find a way to be kind to the child you were and are.

In practical terms I would tackle your weight as ten stone overweight is substantial and worth focusing on. A lot of your other issues will benefit from weight loss.

Good luck.

The one thing I do everyday is try get out of the house even if it’s just for 30 mins it really helps, and I drink 1.5 litres of water a day and take vitamins, sending you a big hug x

Hi there, after 20 years my under active thyroid is still not properly regulated. Where did you look for private providers? And have you experienced any negative side effects from T3? Thank you!
OP - my sympathies, it’s so hard when it feels like you have such a hill to climb. I make a list (v small one!) of things to do each day and take it from there x

You just brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you were not loved/protected as you should have been. Now it's your turn to nurture that little girl and tell her every day that she is worthy of love. Don't compare yourself with others, start with baby steps. In the morning.

1. Take a shower (some people find really cold showers help with their anxiety, some prefer hot showers to relax.)
2. Put deodorant on and basic hydrating lotion if you have got dry skin. Dexeryl is my favourite ; cheap and good for all skins even babies and no perfume or allergenes.
3. Brush your hair.
4. Have a healthy breakfast. Youghurt and musli (just basic oatmeal, grains and nuts) with fresh fruit is great.
5. Brush your teeth:)
6. Have an objective with your day written down (something tells me you're too ill to work right now, correct me if I'm wrong). This could be anything from going swimming/walking/ getting a haircut/ cleaning the kitchen/ seeing a therapist. You make a list with everything you want to / need to get done in order to feel better and you choose one every day. Just one to start with and you see that you are very capable of doing what you set out to do. Be patient and loving towards yourself and towards others.

Oh darling I'm so sorry. You've made me well up reading your post. First off, it's brilliant that you're asking for help. I think you need to start from the absolutely most basic things that you can do. Try to sip a pint of water tomorrow. If you feel able, sit outside for 5 minutes and get some fresh air. That'll probably do for the first day.
The next things I'd suggest are to think of a few nutritional meals your husband can cook and do an online shop for the ingredients together. If that seems too hard, order from a recipe delivery company like Hello Fresh.
Try to prioritise sleep more and work towards a routine. I find if the linens are clean and fresh, the window's open and I have a shower before I go to bed then I sleep much better. I struggle to shower in the mornings for some reason but can do it at night. Find a time when you are most able and use some lovely body wash. Order some right now and tell your DH to wash the towels so they're lovely and fluffy for you.
Tackling the weight is really hard I know first hand. There's no easy or quick solution. Just add in food that boosts you and nourishes you. Don't worry about stopping eating the junk just for now, it's a much easier way of framing it psychologically. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Try every day to do something to help future you. But if you can't, forgive yourself and draw a line under it and try again the next day.
Sending a warm hug your way. Please keep chatting here, I'd love to hear about any little steps you manage to take.

OP dry skin, dry eyes and dry hair is part of your thyroid condition. Go to your GP and ask for blood test to check if your level of Levothyroxine is high enough. If it's too low you will feel sluggish and it will be almost impossible to lose weight.