To feel embarrassed but ask you anyway to teach me, a grown woman, how to look after myself, please?

Yes. Lots of suggestions for small easy changes.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p09by3yy

I'm a proper grown up with a professional job and family and everything. But sometimes I can't cope with the most mundane of tasks:
Cleaning my teeth
Getting stuck in my clothes
Picking up my shoes
Having a shower

I want to kick and scream and shout.

But I can't.

So I put my head outside myself, so I'm detached, then I can kind of do it. I have to tell myself that it's 1 step at a time: right, walk to bathroom. Pick up toothbrush etc

If you've been eating an unhealthy diet it's probably affected your gut health. Maybe get a really good probiotic/prebiotic and vitamin combo - a concentrated greens mix that you just drink with water. It helps with energy and your immune system.

I agree with going to the doctors to sort out your thyroid medication. There definitely seem to be medical issues that are holding you back.

Look to YouTube for fitness, health and exercise tips. Maybe start with chair exercises. Weights are also good as they build muscle that then burns more calories. And walking, even if it's for five minutes a day. Again there are YouTube videos where you can do this at home to start with.

Get out in nature. It's better for you than anti-depressants for mild/moderate depression.

I eat a protein yogurt for breakfast - Skyr - with nuts. It is very filling and eating protein first thing in the morning helps to stabilise your blood sugars. Look into how to stabilise these as it helps with weight loss.

Are you sleeping well? Lack of sleep plays havoc with your hormones.

Keep posting for support.

OP I couldn’t read and pass by,
things in your post resonate with me, a lot of burying my head in the sand and letting problems escalate.

the first struggle I’m really working on is weight loss to not expect miracles overnight, weight will not magically drop off it’ll take time, especially to lose 10 stone, not to discourage you at all just try to tweak small things, up your water intake, cut down a snack or slowly reduce portions, it doesn’t have to be crash diets and 5 hiit work outs a week, you can build on active levels,

habe you already tried slow cooker meals? they’re usually simple to prep and tasty and can be made with fresh ingredients quite quickly.
don’t beat yourself up for a takeaway though, focus on the little wins instead

some really good tips on minimalistic ways to look after your skin, I can’t really offer much advice but the things offered so far seem worth trying and I will take away the suggestions for myself, so thank you pp’s!

your DH sounds caring, I hope his support helps you and this thread does too,

echo what op has said about working through and picking out what seems achievable and applicable to you,

also, agree with speaking to GP if you can

wishing you all the best

Oh, you sound so sad. You don’t have to be.

Can you get out walking? It’s so therapeutic and doesn’t knacker the joints. I walked myself through the grief after my DM died and a friend did the same.

I have psoriasis and varicose veins and have managed to bequeath one of my teenage DC with the same. In their words - “if you just wear the shorts and act like you don’t care then no one else does”. The important thing is anything that might be health related is addressed but all the cosmetic stuff is a far bigger deal to you than
it is to anyone else.

Are you able to order something like Hello Fresh? Can your DH do the cooking?
in

When I was at my lowest and decided I needed to get out and walk I aimed for the top of my road and back. It was a huge struggle and I was only able to increase the distance very gradually. Think small but do it. Well done for posting and I hope your husband can help you.

Go for a walk every day. Even if it's ten steps forward and ten steps back. Put the radio on and have a dance. If you can afford it order in your meals for a week, like hello fresh or similar. Yoga with Adrienne is really good, just do what you can. Probably a good idea to go back to GP and ask for repeat tests just to make sure meds are ok. You sound lovely and you are deserving of every tiny act of self care. Every thing adds up, so don't berate yourself if for example you only do a ten minute walk, after a week of ten minutes that's 70 minutes.

I can't function until I have a shower and get dressed.
You don't need a 'beauty' routine.
Get outside in the fresh air. Sunshine can uplift your mood. Go for a walk, even if it's a short one, anything will feel like you've 'done something'.

Look up Slimming World online and get great ideas for healthy meals. Join your local group if you're up for it - there will be loads in the same boat as you.

Contact your Dr to get your meds reviewed.

Good luck OP.

Big hugs! You are worth taking care of! As people have said above, don't try to implement everything at once - that's too much for anyone. Pick a very few things at first and celebrate doing them each and every time.

My tip would be Dove soap bars - they are my favourite as they do the job and don't seem to dry my skin out too much. They can be used all over - good in the bath, shower, or whenever you wash your hands.

Many years ago I watched a TV series about the Commandos. You know, that super-elite military unit. The first training session they had was how to wash themselves, because it was not a given that they would know. So don't feel bad that you feel you don't know either!

Sending hugs to you OP xx I've been there and I have my moments. Some days, i wish I could stay in bed. If it wasn't for my 2 children depending on me, I wouldn't get out of bed. It's all very well for me to give advice, but I don't always do it myself 🫣

But at the minute OP probably can't manage that
A shower every other day is more achievable

It's like saying to people who don't eat veg to start eating kale every day. Better they have a carrot once a week than nothing

I lurk here a lot and don’t often post…but I wanted to stop by to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through 💐.

I’m no expert but I’ll tell you the things that make me feel good…start with something simple like flossing your teeth on a night. Not big, just easy.

Then maybe progress to an in shower facial cleanser. Just have a little scrub when you shower and pop a little moisturiser on when you get out. You can pick these up cheap.

And then maybe once a week you take 10 minutes to research a 500 calorie meal and buy the required ingredients and then cook. Just once a week (because meal planning and the subsequent food shopping is a huge task even when you do it weekly!!)

Good luck OP X

Agree with Thyroid!

Was falling asleep in the day, in company of people, I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Family would make a joke of it.

I don't drink, and went to GP who said thyroid levels were very low.

Now taking thyroxine and don't fall asleep all over the place any more.

Agree with pps - if you manage nothing else clean your teeth every day, pref am and pm.
No need for expensive skincare products, E45 cream does a great job.
Try to get out for a walk every day, even if you only go round the block.

I was depressed years ago - I set my radio to come on every morning with an upbeat programme, nothing too manic, to stop the negative waves before they started. I still find putting on lively music during the day is an instant mood lifter and makes it so much easier to get on with things.

Also I have no idea if this is helpful but a lot of people I know found this well known (to the chronically online) Tumblr post insightful.... It's in the same vein as the dishwasher one. I've never seen Naruto, but you get the idea!

sometimes you have to be a bit mentally ill to get mentally well so if thinking naruto would be proud of you for brushing your teeth is what gets you to brush your teeth well grab that toothbrush dattebayo

Exercise does wonders for mental health. Like others, I recommend a daily outdoor walk, weather permitting.

When weather doesn’t permit, I recommend a YouTube channel called growwithjo. Jo has a wide variety of easy-to-follow workouts and she’s really gentle and encouraging. She helped me get back into exercise after a decade of looking after everyone but myself.

Asking anyone for help - even internet strangers - is hard. I’m proud of you for taking that first step. You’ve got this.

This is exactly what I’d suggest. I have a routine in the morning:

• get up, go to loo
• shower, brush teeth
• take meds
• sit down and do hair, skincare and while doing this, remind myself that you deserve to spend time on me
• get dressed
• breakfast.

Do you sleep well OP?

Do you go to bed and wake at the same time each day?

A regular sleep routine will help you to make time and give you energy for other good habits.

I think if you can shower, brush your hair and teeth and dress in clean clothes everyday you are winning. Try to work on doing those things consistently. If you can't do it all then start slowly. Try to do your teeth everyday for a few days and then add hair brushing. Then a shower every other day. Then a shower daily.

The biggest thing that helped me, once I was able to leave the house (trust me that was an epic battle literally taken a step at a time due to agoraphobia), was exercisiing. Swimming helped me. I found peace under the water.

Hi just wanted to add have you ever been assessed for ADHD? It can be comorbid with a lot of the things you describe and can also make looking after yourself really difficult.

If it is your depression and anxiety or thyroid causing the struggles can you have your medication adjusted or talking therapies etc as it will be much harder to do anything else until you get on top of those.

It may also be worth looking online at ADHD coping strategies as the brain fog from depression or exhaustion can feel similar. It's easy for me to say but please don't feel bad about yourself, you are worthy just as you are right now.

Thyroid levels could well need a review.

Fatigue, weight gain, heavy periods and feeling cold can all be down to underachieve thyroid.

Especially if OP is losing her hair.

I have a spray on moisturiser for my face. I keep it in the fridge. As a chronicly ill person it makes it a lot easier to just spray it on rather than have to rub it in and wash it off my face, and it's nice being in the fridge as I feel so hot.

Also spray on moisturiser for body. I don't use this all the time but when I do use it it's so much easier!

I would try to avoid making decisions. It can feel paralysing and impossible. So make a rule - every morning you will get up, go to the loo, wash and get dressed. After a month add breakfast. Choose an easy but relatively healthy breakfast and eat it every day. Fruit/yogurt/toast. Or whatever. But don't be deciding what to eat every day. Add in a morning walk. Then the same lunch. Then the same dinner. Make the meals easy to make and repetitive, and get the food delivered every week. Lots of supermarkets allow to you automatically reorder the same shopping list every week. Gradually add new rules. Don't be making decisions about whether to do something or something else. You will end up doing nothing.

Go slow and gradual. Life doesn't suddenly get better by magic. It's not a movie.

If I'm poorly with something like flu I do the very basic things I can manage. For me this is to wash my face, brush my teeth and brush my hair. If I can pits and bits wash and deodorant. Clean clothes, out of PJs - these can be comfy clothes but clothes you'd be willing to go for a walk in even just into the garden. Even if you don't walk just being outside for a while helps.

Eating well is my downfall. If I'm unwell I try to have something like soup and bread or scrambled eggs on toast. Plenty of water and perhaps juices/smoothies.

I've not read of the posts, apologies brain fog but lots of helpful advice from everyone. Sorry if I am repeating but the biggest thing that stood out for me in your post is the under active thyroid part. Please get referred back to your endocrinologist and get your bloods redone with them. A good endo will recognise its symptoms not 'average levels' that matter. Write a diary and present it to them with what daily life looks like for you. This can just be bulletproof points in your phone. Muscle aches, lack of concentration, energy levels, hair loss etc. Without outing myself - You sound very symptomatic to me and the thyroid is controller of so much. It affects all systems in the body - physical and mental. Be kind to yourself I don't know you but I do know if your medication is not right then this will massively be affecting energy and ability to do anything or look after yourself. Lethargy and fatigue (notice didn't say tiredness) will be rife. While all the suggestions are great if you are under active like this then whilst positive and beneficial - things such as walks etc you may not actually be able to do. Go on the British Thyroid Foundation website and join the FB group lots of support and advice. But take that step to go back to your endo. I'm not sure if you have had a TT or PT or autoimmune or under active but either way it sounds like your meds are not right. DM if you need to and sending hugs from someone who has had a rollercoaster thyroid ride and is still on it!