To feel embarrassed but ask you anyway to teach me, a grown woman, how to look after myself, please?

I would start with the very basics:

• food. It’s fuel for your body and you won’t work well without it. Do a food shop online or make a list of basic foodstuff and get your DH to go and do the shop. Bags of veggies, eggs, youvhurts, tinned tuna, porridge oats, fruit. And eat some of these items 3 times a day at regular intervals.

• buy yourself some lovely shower gel and moisturiser and start using it a minimum of whatever you can manage; 2 or 3 times a week.

You are not alone in feeling as you do; know this will pass. I’d also recommend reading or listening to audio version of ‘tiny beautiful things’ by Cheryl Strayed. Big hug for you op x

I was going to post exactly the same advice @starsky22!

One thing at a time-every day MAKE YOUR BED once you are out of it. This small achievement will set your day up positively. 1% better every day is your goal not trying to deal with all the things you mentioned. Next thing MAKE A SHORT LIST OF DINNERS YOU LIKE. You don't need to cook them yet, just make a list: cheese on toast, omelette, pizza all fine. Then later on commit to cooking one of them once a week. 1% better all the time x

Have a look at the Finch App, its a self-care app and you can add goals for your day, start off small and then add more when you're ready.

Your post could have been written by me, 10 years ago. 10 stone overweight, depression and anxiety, bad hair loss (especially on top), reddened skin, can’t be bothered to cook healthy meals… I don’t have a DH and have a DS instead but otherwise we could be twins.

I’m still 2 stone overweight (still losing) and still suffer from anxiety and depression but what helped me was accepting I’m lazy ( or the depression causes lack of motivation) and that I need to make TINY changes. Never mind what other people can do, it’s about what I can manage. So:

I have androgenic alopecia and the best hair care tip for balding women - get it all cut off (seriously) . You want a pixie cut that’s only about 2-3 inches max and so doesn’t weigh your hair down. Easy to care for as short enough to not really need to bother with conditioner or much (if any) product and can easily move the parting/ brush it forward to hide the worst of the thinning. If you do have the energy then dying it a couple of shades lighter than your natural hair colour or getting highlights also really helps hide thinning (but to be honest I can’t be bothered with the monthly/bi- monthly maintenance so I don’t do it anymore - I’m greying now too which also helps it look thicker).

Skincare - all in ones are your friend. I use a combined gentle cleanser/exfoliator suitable for rosacea and acne prone skin (Purifide ph control face wash) in the evenings to get any dirt off. Then sunblock/moisteriser for rosacea or acne prone skin in the mornings after usually just washing my face with water (Hero Force Shield spf 30- but you might need a separate moisturiser as my skin is combo rather than dry). That’s it- my face skincare is literally 2 steps but my face looks so much better for it.

Meals - accept you hate cooking and do as little as possible. If I can’t cook it on the hob/microwave in only a few minutes then I can’t be bothered. Instead focus on making healthier choices on what you eat. Typical meals for me are adding cinnamon to (kefir) plain yogurt with some nuts/seeds and cut up fruit for breakfast, cheese and veg omelette or a ready made salad for lunch and meat/fish with vegetables stir fry for dinner or a bowl of tinned soup with added veg. Veg is usually frozen, sauces are store bought, everything has to be as quick as I can get it. Puddings are usually more whole fruit, or very dark (85%) choc - combined with a handful of unsalted nuts to limit the blood sugar raise. 1 or 2 Nakd bars if needed on the go/ if I can’t sit down to a meal. No food is really banned if I fancy it but I try to limit my carbs if I can and also the sweet/junk treat to once a day (and pay more to only buy one bag of crisps or one cake etc as if it’s a multipack I’ll want to eat 2 or 3). It honestly gets easier to keep going once you see the weight coming off each week.

Mental health- still ongoing for me and I’m on meds too, but if you can find a good mindfulness group in the community then I find that useful, as well as listening to mindfulness programs (like a body scan) on you tube if I’m struggling to sleep - but you might have to listen to a few to find someone whose voice suits you.

HTH, and things get better for you soon x

I get up, go downstairs, put the kettle on and make a cup of tea. I do the Wordle whilst drinking it, I find it a nice thing to focus on for a few minutes. Then I have some toast with something on it, clean my teeth, wash my face, moisturise and get dressed.

Easy things that help me feel better generally are: walking, listening to music, gardening.

Think of some healthy, easy meals you like beforehand and just shop for those ingredients, or send your husband out to get them.

Haha, crosspost snap. I love digesting the day in the shower then getting into a bed that stays clean...

Erm… wow this is just meant to be some friendly helpful advice for the OP… I didn’t actually mean it as literal advice to go out and buy a dishwasher or to cast judgement on those that don’t have one… it was meant as more of an allegory about freeing yourself from internal rules and expectations when you’re severely struggling with depression or any other health condition… as you said you use paper plates because it removes the need to wash up, which is exactly what Kate Scott’s story is getting at…

It sounds like your thyroid is low. Doctors will sometimes treat the numbers and not the symptoms so really push.
Make sure you are taking multivitamins - especially make sure you have a high dose vitamin d and vitamin c.
If you are low exercise won’t help just now. But get some fresh air.
Set yourself a bedtime and stick to it.
Buy some healthier meals, things you can have with some salad maybe. Low effort foods until you are sorted. Good snacks that aren’t rubbish. Plan it all in.
Do a list every day. Some days it will be not much, some days more. The basic will be eat, clean teeth, wash, change clothes. Add onto that.

Tuesday make a doctors appointment though. Having an under active thyroid is sit though if it’s not treated right.

Walk outside everyday. Does wonders for my mental health, and keeps me in some shape. Also means I need to get out of pyjamas - we are very much a pyjamas unless we need to go out family...

Also, evening shower before bed everyday without fail.

Have you tried showering at night instead of first thing? I find the sensation much more overwhelming in the morning and it deters me from getting up if I know I have to have a shower! I love getting into bed all clean.

Hi OP, haven’t RTFT but brushing your teeth in the morning and evening would be my small but essential thing to make you feel good

Celebrate every step, no matter how small.
Delight in the bigger steps - like creating this post!
Good luck to you @SoftLittleBunnyRabbit

Get a copy of The Life Changing Magic of Tidying, read it and embark on a tidying festival.

I had such a boost in mood after I KonMarie-d my clothes (in a day!).

Maybe you could promise yourself you’ll at least get that one category done and see how you feel afterwards.

Another idea that might’ve been mentioned here already is to look into weight loss injections if that’s something you could afford?

Buy a big tub of Nivea Soft and use it as an all over moisturiser so that you don't get overwhelmed with products - this can do face, body, hands and feet.

Micellar water to cleanse face, just a quick and simple swipe.

Brush your teeth twice a day.

Use deodorant every day.

Stay hydrated - limit caffeine and alcohol and sugary drinks.

Change underwear every day.

Walk and stretch everyday - start small.

Do for a month and then introduce more changes.

O Op, as someone with chronic health issues who spent many years going through what you described, my advice is baby steps. Take one thing at a time to start work on and gradually add more things until you are in a good routine.

Little things I do that can help:

Open your windows, fresh air is extremely important!

use paper plates and cups - I can barley muster the energy to make meals ( I have 3 DCs) let alone cleaning, paper plates cuts out washing up. I will also serve food on paper napkins and throw away.

buy prepared food, bags of veg, rice and veg.. that take 3 mins in a microwave. Any food that can be cooked easy basically. Processed food can be just as bad as take away, especially with an under active thyroid, but it’s a pick a battle moment for me, getting in the habit of making something I can manage and then eventually moving from easy to a bit healthier was my choice. A pack of veg, ready made mash and a fried egg, super easy and better than a take away. A pack of veg, crack some eggs, pour on veg and make an omelet. I do find eggs easy meals, you can add and serve them with all sorts of healthy foods.

I use to moan about the cost of prepared fruit and veg and buy regular veg I needed to wash, cut and peel but it 99% of the time got wasted so it was actually cheaper buying the bag of lettuce, chopped apples and watermelon as I was actually eating them.

You don’t have to do this with every meal at first, pick one of 2 nights a week to start with. I personally feel so much better when I don’t eat anything processed, but it’s easy to say I won’t eat processed food than actually doing. I try at least 3 meals a week at the moment.

Introduce easy healthier bits to your meals that you’ve mastered. One of my first easy meals was a packet of golden veg rice, 4 min a microwave and add bits, chopped apple, goats cheese, walnuts, drizzle with honey. It’s a 5 min meal and yummy. You could add anything you like.

Also know what your triggers are with your thyroid. Nothing pisses me off more when someone tells me all my illnesses can be cured by eating more broccoli or immune boosting foods ggrrr I know what “healthy” foods have an adverse effect on me so know what I can and can’t introduce into my diet. There are plenty of support groups for thyroid issues around, especially on Facebook.

snacks are still my weak point as I don’t choose fruit unless I’m putting it in something. I could buy a massive load of fruit but still opt for a packet of crisps every time. I started keeping things like crackers in, I do like avocado on crackers but it’s getting round to the avocado. I started with just a bit of butter or jam on crackers then found some nice flavoured ones I liked plain. I gradually started to enjoy making up yummy toppings for them.

pick 1 thing a day to do, whether it’s shower, put a load of washing on, hoover…. As you grow stronger you can add more to the list. Today mine was hovering behind the beds and cupboards in my bedroom, I couldn’t remember the last time they were done. Just that one thing wipped me out. I was supposed to make a healthy family dinner but at 4.30 I was struggling getting out of bed so DH made something ultra processed and unhealthy but I didn’t care as I’d done a job that had been bugging me for months. I didn’t actually shower today, but that’s ok as all 3 DCs did and I will have no choice tomorrow as we have visitors which will force me to shower.

Treat yourself, even if money is tight. What’s your focus, your hair, skin? One month buy something to make that part of you feel good. It dosnt have to cost a fortune. I use L’oreal or Nivea for most things. Both can be bought cheap. I learnt to start taking care of my skin during covid, I was at my heaviest and worse medically then ( I’m nearly 49) I now cleanse, tone and moisturise daily, I take 10 min morning and evening to do it. My hair I’m lucky, I started looking after it before getting ill, but even now I can’t afford a hair appointment, usually I’d go 2/3 months but it’s been almost 5 now, anyway I keep my hair in a style and colour that I can maintain if I’m unable to go to the hair dresser.

My cousin uses caffeine shampoo from homebargins, she has an under active thyroid too and struggles with her hair, she swears by it.

Also find something that you can try on your hair colour wise. I use the Wella colour fresh masks, you just put them in your hair like shampoo and comb through for 15/20 mins before washing. I’ve got one left over I’m going to use until I can get my hair done properly.

If your DH is supportive and wants to help you, let him. Find some healthy activities, recipes to do together. Tell him you need help with the house what you want from him.

I’ve gone from a 22+ to size 16/18 in 2 years. Mostly it’s been due to weight loss injections that I’ve been on and off, but it’s also been down to getting my medications right and the times I’m off the injections trying my best to maintain some good habits. One of the first things I was able to cut out with the injections was coke, now even Diet Coke tastes too sweet. I’ve been off the injections for 2 months and some old cravings have come back but I’m really working on satisfying them in a healthier way. I hit the coke craving with a can of Diet Coke today, just 1 can, in the past I’d have had a dozen cans of Coke Zero.

The thing is, if you relapse that’s fine, just start again. Make a list of what you want, set realistic goals, don’t expect too much of yourself. If you exceed your goals amazing, if you don’t reach them straight away that’s fine, you then know you just have to give yourself a little bit longer to reach them.

I could have written your post. I'm not going to overwhelm you with tips and tricks just try the GoblinTools app, you put in your task and it breaks it down into little managable bites that you can do one at a time.

You've got this.

Shower and strong coffee ....then just dress cosy and read educational materials if you are home stay....ìf you work then just that

You sound massively hypothyroid to me OP. The amount of Levothyroxine you take is according to your weight, so if you have put loads on, you will need more. Being hypothyroid will also make your hair fall out. You need to get bloods tested asap as this is probably why you're feeling so unwell and helpless. You will need to advocate for yourself because in my experience, GPs aren't very good at dealing with thyroid issues!

This is a brilliant Ted Talk which really resonated with me.

I look very organised, but there are some things I struggle with. I do use the list for the routine things I struggle with, and it’s a good method.

If a long list seems overwhelming though, keep a journal instead. “I got up, had breakfast, washed up” can make me feel more in control and by mid afternoon I can see that I’ve achieved several small things. Takes me out of the “what have I been doing all day, waste of time” feeling.

I haven't read all the posts but I was so touched by your OP and wanted to send some unmumsnetty love and best wishes. I hope you find some things here helpful over time. Don't rush to do them all though!

my top tip would be to try and cut the takeaways out and get your dh to cook but apologies if there's a reason he can't I haven't read it all.

Be kind to yourself ❤️ you sound lovely, intelligent and kind.

Firstly, get back to the GP for bloods. I'm on levothyroxine and have similar feelings when my medication isn't right. The anxiety is almost unbearable. Ask them to check everything, and explain why.

Secondly, get on the wait list for counselling if you're not already. It's long so better to be on it sooner rather than later.

Next, weight loss. Being over weight can hugely impact confidence and health. I'm working on losing weight and I can only share what's working for me (2 stone down, slowly but surely).

1. Walk more. I'm not doing any other exercise but walk every day.
2. Replace 3 evening meals a week with a Huel. It's an initial investment, but it's really worked for me. I add a banana, strawberries or other fresh fruit for extra goodness.

1. Avoid too much sugar in the evening. Definitely my achilles heel and I absolutely haven't stopped eating yummy things, just made slightly better choices when I feel the need for sugar (using a kids bowl for my ice cream to reduce the portion size, fresh fruit and a few melted choc buttons, or mochi balls which are low cal, that kind of thing).

Re skincare, I would recommend starting with Inkey List. They have decent products with good ingredients, that don't cost the earth. Start with a basic cleanser and use it in the shower on your face (their oat cleansing balm is good for dry skin) and then get yourself a simple moisturiser (omega water cream might help). Put this on first thing in the morning and last thing at night, when you're doing your teeth or maybe keep it by your bed. Work up to adding an SPF and hyaluronic acid serum. SPF every morning that you're planning on leaving the house, serum every 2/3 days - but work up to it, no rush. Inkey List also do some hair treatments that may help.

Things I do to look after myself:

• I shower every other day. Hair wash every other shower. If hair needs a pick up in between I use dry shampoo but usually it's ok.
• I brush my teeth twice a day. I invested in a good toothbrush. I try to floss once a week.
• I don't wear makeup every day, but I try to use Coco and Eve Face Tanning Micromist every couple of days and rub it in with a tanning mit. It just gives me a bit of colour but not a dodgy orange tan, so I feel a bit more put together with very minimal effort.
• Every couple of weeks I cut and file my nails, and put a clear coat of varnish on. It's amazing how much better I feel about myself with some decent looking nails, but being clear varnish means I don't notice when it chips and keeps it a low maintenance job.

Also would recommend some 'self help' reading. When I have an anxiety attack I like to read through the reasons for the fight or flight reaction I feel, that kind of thing. Alsp some good books: why we eat (too much) by Dr Andrew Jenkinson, it didn't start with you by Mark Wolynn, atomic habits by james clear.

Small steps.

OP sorry about your troubles. I find that making to-do lists really helps, even if you just list emails and phone calls and yes, brushing teeth.

Also, walks. Maybe you can walk with your husband? Does not have to be far. And have your thyroid checked and if possible medicated.

That’s great if you have a dishwasher. I actively avoid cooking because it involves washing up and more or less live on bananas, a variety of nuts, and ready made salads. I’ve even resorted to paper plates at times.