To feel embarrassed but ask you anyway to teach me, a grown woman, how to look after myself, please?

I would echo the advice of not to do too much at once.

Get your bloods checked at GP to see if there is anything underlying.

Nutrition and sleep would be my main priorities.

I can recommend nutrition geeks for supplements, sign up without purchasing straight away and they eventually send you a code for 30% off your first order.

Magnesium and ashwaganda an hour before bed have really helped me with sleep.

The other ones I would recommend are the collagen powder and the vitamin D + K2

Lots of water and getting outside each morning.

That's enough to start off with.
When I started off getting myself better I made a physical checklist that I ticked off each day.
I appreciate this wouldn't be for everyone but it really helped me and I still use it now.
Every few weeks as I felt better and better I added new things to the list but here's how small it started.
(I appreciate that some days even brushing your teeth does not feel like a small thing, I just mean small as in not many items on the list)

AM
Drink water
Brush teeth
Wash face
Sit/stand outside for 5min

PM
Wash face and put moisturiser on
Go to bed

Daily showers, exercise and even brushing my hair were beyond me in the beginning, But by starting small and adding to 'the checklist' every couple of weeks, I got there.

Just keep going, don't give up on yourself.

OP my advice would be to start with nutrition and mindfulness Take aways are nice as a treat but not great for long term healthy eating. Eating fresh nutritious food has positive effects on mood, weight, skin, hair and overall well being.

If you can afford it, as they are not cheap, try a meal delivery service like Mindful Chef. Maybe start with 3 meals a week and see how you go? If you order a 2 person portion size, you would have some leftovers. Everything you need to make a delicious meal out of fresh ingredients is included and the meals themselves are quick to prepare. You get a recipe book with each delivery. You can see what kind of meals are available by going on their website and see if it's the kind of thing that might appeal to you.

If it doesn't appeal, maybe try the "icook" range of ready meals available in supermarkets. They are very tasty and good quality and if you just grab a bag of pre prepared veg or salad to go with it, it won't be any effort to prepare.

Once cooking a meal becomes less of a chore and more something you can do without too much effort, you can maybe then move on to cooking from scratch (or not!) But keep the takeaways to a minimum.

Try to also be very aware of how you feel after eating certain foods: note what makes you feel bloated, sluggish or just icky versus foods that make you feel sated and give you energy. Try and use that to avoid buying and eating food that doesn't make you feel good. Don't think about losing weight just yet, concentrate on how you feel after eating.

I would also try a mindfulness app like Simple Habit or similar. It will take 5 mins a day to help you relax and focus and will, with practice, allow you to open up to more of the changes you want to make in your life.

I agree with PP, not to try and do too much all at once. As you introduce changes they will gradually become part of your daily routine and won't feel like such a mountain to climb.

Best of luck and just take one day at a time.

I would go to the GP and ask for a medication and general health review.

You say you are medicated but this sounds like it isn't working, your dosage may need adjusting or trying something different.

Very simple things you can do are:

Take vitamins/supplements:
Skin, hair and nails tablets
B12 for energy/tiredness/weakness
Multivitamins

Skin and hair care:
Buy some appropriate skincare products . Go to a dept store counter and find out about your skin type and what kinds of products will help you. You don't need to buy anything expensive but once you know your skin type you can buy things that will help your skin.
If that is too much at the moment, make sure you cleanse, tone and moisturise with something for all skin types. If your skin feels dry you need something moisturising, if it feels oily you need something oil free and light.
Get a hair treatment, such as an intensive conditioner mask.

Meal plan:
Work with your partner on planning healthy meals you can enjoy together.

Light exercise:
Something as simple as going for a walk, following a YouTube fitness video or doing some yoga/stretches at home will make a huge difference to how you feel. That alongside healthy eating will help some weight to come off and improve how you feel.

Looks a lot in writing, but essentially all it is is making a GP appointment, taking some supplements, considering what you are eating, make an effort to move your body in some way and including a few bits to your shower routine.

Once you make some small changes you might feel more able to take on a bit more!

Good luck x

Well done OP.

My carer came up with the term, "skydiving", you are in mid air and aiming for a particular place to land but it doesn't mean that is a straight line, as long as it is in sight you are doing well.

Really well done!!!

What are you planning for tonight's dinner?

Last night was a good start.

Set goals, and don’t overwhelm yourself! One thing at a time. First make one goal - something you’re going to do every day - and make sure you do it. Start small if you have to! Once it is a habit, add one more thing in. Good luck xx

Small changes, one step at a time. Maybe this week just focus on having a shower, washing your hair and apply some moisturiser.
Then build up and add something else next week, like making sure you have a good filing breakfast everyday. I like eggs and spinach on sourdough toast and it keeps me full til lunch.
Try and get some fresh air everyday. Drink plenty water.
You may find your medical conditions improve once you are eating more nutritious meals.
I read somewhere recently that you should treat your body like you have borrowed it from someone you love and you will be returning it to them. It really made me think. Good luck OP ,

Another one here to say that, darling, you are not an idiot. You've been through hell, going through a terrible time and are ill. Anyone would struggle with the basics in your shoes.

I had to build up self-care again after a terrible time with depression and I focused on the smallest things, and just doing one small thing at a time until it felt like I'd established a habit. I focused on how it made me feel good, so that I was incentivised to do it the next day and the next...

Remember that habits take time to build and you'll fall off the wagon a few times. That's OK, that's normal. Just start again. The gaps when you let good habits drop will get shorter each time and each time it will be easier to pick them back up.

Blood tests are a good place to start. B12, iron, vitamin C, vitamin d...Vitamin C deficiency responds surpringsly quickly and these are all things which promote hair growth.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. A quick once over is better than nothing, even just a rinse with mouthwash. Whenever you achieve even that, you train your brain into a new self-care habit which you can grow.

Aim for 1 nutritious meal a day.
Can be super-simple, like omelette or tinned fish and jacket potato.
Ready meals are fine but try and choose less processed ones (Charlie bigham is good, you want foods with an ingredients list you'll find in your cupboard)
If you eat terribly one day, that's fine, try and make sure you have a piece of fruit the next day.

Baby steps, little wins.

Write down your little wins each time so you can see how far you've come in a few months time and which ones you might be ready to build on.

Consider every day "how am I nourishing myself today? How am I taking care of myself?" If that means you need to hide under the duvet, that's fine.

And remember, darling. Many people with a history of SA and trauma carry feelings of not being worthy. And you are, so so worthy of self care, compassion and love.

You'll get there. Don't beat yourself up. No insults, OK?

Sounds like a fab start for both of you.
Food has to be the place to start on any sort of health changes.

Who cares about how or who grated the cheese or prepared the veggies. The important thing is you are in control over what else went into the pot.

I'd try again tomorrow. I bet you'll start to feel a bit better after a few days of home made food.

Constant take-aways can't be good for your body or your bank balance.

You poor thing, sounds like you are having a hard time, well done on starting to nake some changes.

I think the first thing you need to do is get the depression and underactive thyroid under control. You will feel more motivated to do things if you aren't depressed and you will find it easier to lose weight if you are properly medicated for your thyroid.

So number 1 speak to your GP about your medication.

Then try and go for a short walk every day (or just go into the garden for half an hour or so if walking seems too much). Being outside is good for your mental and physical health and will help with everything else you want to change.

Once you are happy with that and feel comfortable doing it regularly then approach other things you want to change slowly and what seems most achievable. Be kind to yourself and take it slow. Let a change bed in before you try to attempt the next one.

That's fantastic OP! A home cooked meal with lots of veg sounds amazing! Don't worry if you can't manage that every day though. Baby steps ❣️

Well done. You took control. I hope it feels good and you should be chuffed with yourself.

I used to have awful MH, was 8 stone overweight and feel for you.

I learned from scratch how to cook, got fitter & healthier etc, it didn't happen overnight though.

If you want a buddy then do PM me, I'd be happy to chat and be a positive cheerleader for you.

That is a definite win! 😊

Brilliant job! You must feel so good!

That's a very sensible compromise OP - particularly with health conditions it's important to manage everything we do really carefully so we don't overdo it.

I'm afraid I haven't read the whole thread, though I have read your replies. I wondered if you have come across the "spoon theory" - it's a model for disability (be they physical or neurodivergence or fatigue based or mental health based or whatever) where it encourages you to think about your day as starting with a pot of spoons.

Some things you may conclude refill your pot of spoons (maybe a night's sleep, or a nap, or a long soak in the bath - these will differ for each person) while other things will use spoons up, some more than others. So maybe cooking a meal where you have to make all the mash from scratch etc uses 6 spoons, but making it with prepared stuff only uses 2 or 3, and maybe eating a healthy, nourishing meal gives you back an extra 1 spoon.

The numbers don't really matter but the key to the concept is recognising that we all have finite amounts of energy and capacity and sometimes they can be lower than we need to conduct all the tasks we would like to do every day. And in those circumstances we have to focus on what we can do that replenishes us, what if anything we can do that makes our daily store of spoons bigger (maybe there's nothing that does that) and how we can prioritise the spoons we do have so that we meet our needs - of food, of cleanliness, of having the capacity to do stuff with the kids. And sometimes one bit has to drop to do the other stuff, but the key is doing that consciously, so you don't lose the stuff that helps your health.

Wonderful progress.
Be very proud of yourself OP.

Wishing you so many best wishes @SoftLittleBunnyRabbit.

So many good tips on here. I struggle with self care sometimes. Just having a bath seems to involve monumental effort. It is the strangest thing. This thread has just made me go and apply some foot cream and body lotion.

You've recognised you need help and you've asked for help, those are two massive achievements!

So much of the advice already given on this thread is what I would recommend. My short-term priorities would be:

Getting your medication reviewed by GP
Getting a hair cut
Showering/bathing everyday (for therapeutic as well as hygiene reasons)
Drinking enough water
Getting enough sleep (lack of sleep can leave you constantly on the brink of tears).

Long-term you really need to address your diet but get yourself in a better place emotionally before tackling that.

Checking your thyroid treatment is all in order is the key thing, in my opinion. Making sure that’s correct might just make everything else more manageable.

If making appointments for the GP and hair salon are gigantic tasks (I find it incredibly difficult to do) then ask your husband or a friend to do it for you rather than putting it off until you feel able to do it yourself.

I found myself in quite a similar state to yourself eleven years ago because I had a chronic condition that was being misdiagnosed as depression. It took seven years to discover I had a genetic disease that causes iron overload. Finding out I had a treatable disease that explained my symptoms was incredibly liberating - it meant I wasn't an incapable, lazy, rubbish person after all; I was actually very ill but I had the means to get better.

Things can and will improve, I wish you all the best on your road to recovery x

I've just thought of something really relevant: 'The School of life' by Alain de Boton on YouTube and other social media. There are also books available and possibly podcasts.
He is an amazing psychologist and narrator and he's very gentle, compassionate and validating.
'Ruby Wax' has amazing books and also reality based, theatrical shows.
She has helped me immeasurably because she's very kind and been through mental health crises herself. She makes me feel more human and less alone. She's on more than one social media, but mainly Instagram and some YouTube.
Ultimately, go slow at your own pace and be tolerant towards yourself and self compassion is good.
A book called 'Full catastrophe living' by an author I can't remember is brilliant and also 'The gifts of imperfection' by Brené Brown is very helpful as is Tara Brach with her YouTube videos called 'the rain of self compassion' and she also has some incredible books. Her meditations on YouTube are very calming.
I've been there, so I wish you the best xxxxx

ThyroidUK have a list of private providers on their website, which is one place to start. Really important to inform yourself with a lot of reading up - hypothyroidism is very individual and there are a miriad feedback loops and related issues cluttering up the picture. T3 is useful if you're one of those who doesn't convert T4 (the storage form of thyroid hormone) to T3 (the active form of the Thyroid hormone) very well. So not everyone needs it and getting T4 levels high enough will be enough in those cases. If you're a bad converter, you remain very symptomatic even when your T4 levels are good. These are the people like me who only feel well with some T3 in the mix too. Unfortunately NHS guidelines don't permit T3 prescription so a private doc is needed. (Can also pay for private tests and source medication online yourself, but having done that for years I'm much happier working with a functional doc)

If your thyroid level is low it can effect other conditions as your immunity etc drops. So this is a priority to get sorted.

Get well soon op