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AIBU?

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Original poster

My mum would talk about wanting to breastfeed my baby

68 replies

medoww · 24/08/2024 19:38

Just want to know if I'm overreacting or not?! When I was breastfeeding my son (breastfed until 16 months he's now 3) my mum used to make comments about breastfeeding him!
She would say things like "Oh I know your hungry nanny would give you her milk if I could" and when he would do the looking for milk thing at the breast area that all babies do (he even would do this to my husband) if my mum was holding him she would say "Oh look he wants milk from me" not just that he's hungry. I can't even explain the rage I would feel inside from this. She never even breasted herself with me or my siblings so I find it even more odd. I'm due my 2nd baby soon so it brought these memories back and I'm dreading these comments again. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
reinventionn · 24/08/2024 21:30

medoww · 24/08/2024 21:06

Maybe I was just over reacting, I’m
not sure. I don’t usually take things personally but this really got to me as I felt like I couldn’t say anything as wasn’t sure if I was taking it the wrong way or not. Thinking back I think it was more because I felt she was getting some type of enjoyment and validation from thinking my baby wanted to feed from her because when I told her that DS looks for milk like that from DH she didn’t like it and acted shocked. If she does it again this time I will definitely tell her to stop.

My guess is your DM has overstepped or undermining you in other ways too?

Ellieostomy · 24/08/2024 21:23

Izzymoon · 24/08/2024 21:19

But a grandmother saying to her daughter she’d like to breastfeed her child

That was not actually said though, not once.

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“She would say things like "Oh I know your hungry nanny would give you her milk if I could"”

What does that imply if not that she wants to breastfeed her?! She doesn’t must say she wants to give the baby milk, she says she wants to give the baby HER milk. IE breastfeed her.

Izzymoon · 24/08/2024 21:19

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 21:04

We don’t. But a grandmother saying to her daughter she’d like to breastfeed her child is all sorts of suffocating / controlling / and strange. Why would you want to breastfeed someone else’s child, or if you do, keep it to yourself.

Show quote history

But a grandmother saying to her daughter she’d like to breastfeed her child

That was not actually said though, not once.

Ottersmith · 24/08/2024 21:17

Aww she's just missing those days herself. It must be hard to have all that behind you. I'd leave her be. But also remind her that the baby does that with everyone.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 24/08/2024 21:15

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 21:04

We don’t. But a grandmother saying to her daughter she’d like to breastfeed her child is all sorts of suffocating / controlling / and strange. Why would you want to breastfeed someone else’s child, or if you do, keep it to yourself.

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This exactly. ^

phoenixrosehere · 24/08/2024 21:14

WakingUpInBlood · 24/08/2024 20:36

It was a weird thing for her to say. I would have had been revolted by this.

people Get strangely proprietorial about feeding babies. I had comments from some family members about it being a shame that they couldn’t feed my son because he was breastfed, but at least they weren’t implying they wanted to breastfeed him. Some people can’t seem to understand that 1) for many people breastfeeding is a very intimate thing and 2) there are other ways to bond with a baby

Yes.

I think it is odd that people think the only way to bond with a baby is by feeding them. I wonder if it’s because it takes the least amount of effort and babies are more likely to accept it compared to other things.

My mum was annoying when I was nursing my first, asking how long I was going to do it for, why was I still doing it after six months and again after he was one when I told her from the beginning that I was going to nurse to at least 2 if possible.

Saying that, when our children did root for milk, she would joke that there was nothing there, not even dust, apologise to baby, and hand them back.

Starlightstarbright3 · 24/08/2024 21:09

I honestly don’t read it she wants to breast feed - just he is hungry.. she can’t feed him ..

it’s seems over analysis to me .

however .. if she say it with the next you feel uncomfortable then just tell her ..

some very over the top dramatic replies on here

Original poster
medoww · 24/08/2024 21:09

@olivecapes

I’m not calling my mum a pervert 😂 and certainly didn’t take it in a perverted way. Just massively overstepping talking about breastfeeding my baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
medoww · 24/08/2024 21:06

Maybe I was just over reacting, I’m
not sure. I don’t usually take things personally but this really got to me as I felt like I couldn’t say anything as wasn’t sure if I was taking it the wrong way or not. Thinking back I think it was more because I felt she was getting some type of enjoyment and validation from thinking my baby wanted to feed from her because when I told her that DS looks for milk like that from DH she didn’t like it and acted shocked. If she does it again this time I will definitely tell her to stop.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 21:04

olivecapes · 24/08/2024 21:02

Some of you have really weird thoughts about breastfeeding. You're making it sound perverted.

We don’t. But a grandmother saying to her daughter she’d like to breastfeed her child is all sorts of suffocating / controlling / and strange. Why would you want to breastfeed someone else’s child, or if you do, keep it to yourself.

olivecapes · 24/08/2024 21:02

Some of you have really weird thoughts about breastfeeding. You're making it sound perverted.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 24/08/2024 21:00

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 20:58

Holy fuck, no it is not.

Why on earth would you?!

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This!

InsiderBetty · 24/08/2024 20:58

My mum did this to me. I found it annoying at the time but didn't say anything as she's such a lovely woman and I realised she was just reliving her own new mum with a newborn baby days through me.

Of course it's an odd thing to say but I'd just ignore the comments and cut her a bit of slack, especially if she's a loving mum and grandmother
edit for typo

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 20:58

mondaytosunday · 24/08/2024 20:52

It's something people say! I wouldn't get offended unless she went on and on about it.

Holy fuck, no it is not.

Why on earth would you?!

arlequin · 24/08/2024 20:52

Can you not say eugh mum that's so weird!!

mondaytosunday · 24/08/2024 20:52

It's something people say! I wouldn't get offended unless she went on and on about it.

SauviGone · 24/08/2024 20:47

nanny would give you her milk if I could

Ugh. That's such a weird thing to say.

I would look at her, totally pan-faced, and say "do you realise how creepy that sounds".

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 24/08/2024 20:41

Heck I was still bf my youngest when I had a dgc. I didn't even said that when technically I could have bf him!!
My mil told me it wasn't fair I bf my dc when she was unable to... She fumed her way through 3 x dc's worth of bf!

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/08/2024 20:39

What a bizarre thing to say in response to a babies natural behaviour when hungry!

I've had friends and relations babies do this to me and the normal response is to laugh and say something like:

'Shit out of luck there kiddo, lets go and see Mummy'...

And then pass the baby over to the appropriate person.

thecatsthecats · 24/08/2024 20:39

My MIL made a lot of remarks with an agenda about feeding because she was desperate to be involved with feeding in any way possible.

She'd be telling me that he wasn't hungry when he was crying for me, she'd tell me that he WAS hungry when he started chewing his hands, she'd ask me about weaning him on glop at 4 months from before he was born, and when she'd made a lunch full of cheese and butter she was determined to give him a bit even though he's dairy intolerant and I had to wrestle him off her (and I had to grind my teeth when she said that his runny nappy was down to mexican food that he ate all the time).

She calmed down a lot when she could actually feed him.

Lots of people say that new mums are sensitive, but I think that new grandparents are often equally potty tbh.

WakingUpInBlood · 24/08/2024 20:36

It was a weird thing for her to say. I would have had been revolted by this.

people Get strangely proprietorial about feeding babies. I had comments from some family members about it being a shame that they couldn’t feed my son because he was breastfed, but at least they weren’t implying they wanted to breastfeed him. Some people can’t seem to understand that 1) for many people breastfeeding is a very intimate thing and 2) there are other ways to bond with a baby

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 20:20

sesquipedalian · 24/08/2024 20:16

OP, I think you need to take your mother’s remarks as “banter” - all she’s really saying is that she loves her DGS and would feed him if she could. I know it can be a sensitive subject - my DGS (4 months) was rooting, and I said no good looking at Grandma: nothing here, and my daughter said, “That’s just so wrong on so many levels” so I have taken care never to say anything like that again - but I didn’t mean anything by it! I think for some mothers, though, it can be a sensitive subject, so maybe next time, just tell your DM that you find it inappropriate.

What you said is quite different.

theduchessofspork · 24/08/2024 20:19

Eeewwewwwee

Tell her that if she does this again she’s banned from the house till he’s weaned - seriously that is crossing a massive line.

Original poster
medoww · 24/08/2024 20:18

Thank you for the replies. I had actually forgotten about it until now but at the time I really hated it. She had no desire to breastfeed herself. Tbh I just put it down to hormones but I would never say or suggest such a thing about someone else’s baby even my own grandchildren, I just find it odd. I never said anything at the time as I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting and trying to figure out how I should handle it this time around.

OP posts:
Izzymoon · 24/08/2024 20:17

@Irridescantshimmmer I would just wait and see what she does and if you see her making an 'attempt' to breast feed your baby, then go hell for leather at her as if she did this

There are leaps and then there is this.